My 3 yo got away and took a walk in the street!

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This baby is taking years off my life. We went by my sister for him to play with his cousin. His older cousin went out and left the gate open and he followed her and took off. He ran out into the street and down the street. Lucky for us her street doesn't have much cars. My heart is still racing at the thought of what could have happened.

Do you have any advice on what we can do to help him? All our gates are chained so he cannot get out of our yard.

So it's not just my kid? My three year old got through a door which should have been locked but wasn't. He picked up his trike and took off. He was on the main street before we found him. There were several directions he could have gone, so I went one way and my husband went towards the street. A person on the street had met him and was trying to distract him from going any further in the hopes that parents would turn up, for which I was very grateful! We live in a village, so a lot of people know him to see, fortunately. I think I'd find it very worrying to be in a city.
What about an identity necklace or bracelet for times when you're not in your own place? I've seen some cheap ones that we're designed for kids, where you can add a name and number. We have hung keys up on nails at certain doors. Everyone except him can reach them, so it's easier to keep them locked without making it awkward for everyone elsewhere. There have been times when I visited my in-laws and brought cupboard locks with me for her cupboards. Perhaps there are some temporary solutions like this that you could bring with you when visiting family.

Unless I am at home I cannot take my eyes off my son unless he is strapped into a car seat or wearing a harness because he will take any opportunity to run off. I have baffles on all my door knobs and safeties on the windows. I never trust other people to be mindful enough of his whereabouts. And yes, it is taking years off my life too.

Washi, Nascaireacht, I had my 6 yo and 1 yo with me and was sitting outside with them all. My eyes were off him for about 1-2 mins until I realize I didn't see him in his bright gree shirt (I always have him wear bright colors out so he is easier to spot) and jumpted up ad ran out. He was actually doing a slow run, as if he was tasting freedom. I will def get an identity bracelet. I was curious to see if there was any other ways to get thru to him, without tramatizing him.

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I've been doing a lot of research about dogs and Autism... I've seen what they call safety or service dogs - evidently these dogs are trained to track the child and are usually tethered to them. They are used frequently for children who tend to wander off, but unsure what age ranges they typically serve. I guess service dogs could be very good but that all depends on the child, family and dog!

The thing that works with my 3 year-old NT son who likes to run off for heaven only knows what reason is that he cannot go where HE cannot see ME... as opposed to where I cannot see him. (I say that realizing full well that my older PDD-NOS son doesn't get that concept at all.) It does work as he will not go around corners, etc., without yelling at the top of his lungs he cannot see me anymore so I better come get him. Maybe I just need to tie bells to his shoes...

I also wonder about a GPS tracking bracelet or something similar. I don't know if there are any out there, but you would figure with today's technology someone created something like that for our kids!

Yes, when my son was three my eyes could never be off of him pretty much anywhere.

Thankfully, he has matured.

My son is 6 and it took until he could read at 5 for him to stop eloping out the front door. Regardless of how many drills we did...regardless of explaining the dangers, regardless of practicing, regardless of him being able to tell us the reasons why and that he understood, it was his lack of impulse control that always got in the way. OOPS he would say after he opened the door or decided to go check the mail without telling someone, etc...SO, I made a stop sign and wrote on it STOP do not open the door unless you tel mom or dad first, and do not go outside unless you tell mom or dad frist. We have the sign hung at his eye level on the door. SO, when he goes to the door there it is, a big red STOP sign with the rules printed on it, and I have to say that now 90% of the time he will tell or ask us before opening that door,for any reason, which is HUGE!

The issues is impulse control, and it has nothing to do with intelligence or verbal ability. I belive any earthworm or puppy has more inpuse control then my kid. My son knows all the rules and right answers, but lacks the inpulse control to THINK before doing. He can tell you AFTER the fact what he should have done, but that doesnt help remember for next time. It is a great idea to be prepared for your kid, in an emergency, to have an ID bracelet, etc...Geez, we put ID tags on our dogs incase they get lost. ESPECAILLY if your kid isnt completely verbal...it cant hurt. That doesnt mean you dont continue to teach your kid about safety and watch them, it is just added protection incase something happens.

Good luck, I know how scarey that is to feel like your child is in danger, and to NOT have a way to get thru to them.

I think you will just have to hover over him more than you'd like, when he is not is your home child-proofed environment.

Some kids can be "trained" to "stay" better than others. I agree that it is more impulse control than intelligence. I think that some of it is (for the older ones) also that when they can't understand the dangers, they don't get the rule and they think they know best; almost a type of overconfidence/hubris in a way. Also, with us, when we have had issues, it usually had to do with him hyperfocusing on his thoughts and not being mindful.

So we had some issues with this, but not too many because he tended to be on the clingy side. He is seven, now, and should be able to cross small streets and be more independent. Now our issue is with looking where he is going, and being careful of traffic, because he is lost in thought. So I am going to be hovering for awhile, myself, until we can get him to multitask and look where he is going, pay attention to cars etc.

It is way more complicated than intelligence, and it is not necessarily responsive to negative reinforcement.

From reading what everyone has written, it looks like my son's combination of poor impulse control, coupled with the desire to explore his environment makes him a flight risk. I have my gates chained at home so I am not worried there (until he learns to climb them), but when I take him out, I will have to hover, or invest in one of those toddler leash looking things. I considered it before and kept changing my mind because I didn't want anyone to view him as a wild child, but I would rather that than have him hurt because he got away.

I am happy to see that in about 4-5 years, he will mature enough to not want to run away (at least in the street). I am not happy that we are all going through this, but I am happy that we are here to support each other.
Thanks everyone.

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Sadly, I have heard it too. And it is unfortunate becasue my son is the exact type of kid, if he were born to different parents, who WOULD get beaten at home. Luckily for him, he has understanding and loving parents who know better. That doesnt stop people from sharing their ideas of "parenting" techniques or how THEY would make our children "obey". Its always easier for the outsider looking in, but to BE the parent of this type of child is a completley different story.

But back to your initial issue...yes, watch your son like a HAWK, and hover, do what you need to do to keep him safe until he is old enough to understand. I still have to watch my son more closely then other kids, he is impulsive and can hit, push or shove kids when he is playing. Even though he is 6 and KNOWS better, he is IMPULSIVE which has nothing to do with the vast knowledge in his head, I sure with is did! And I find the worst happens when I let my guard down. It is hard to be on all the time, especially whe you have othe rkids to watch too.

Hang in there you are doing GREAT by your son!

I have a similar problem with my 4yo, shes so independant! Could it be something hes watched on tv? My daughter likes Dora the Explorer and doesnt see why she cant put on a purple backpack, take a toy monkey and a rolled up piece of paper with a face drawn on it out into the woods without anyone looking after her!!

Also how have you explained to him about what he shouldnt do? I told my daughter never to go out of the front door on her own, so she immediately went to the back door!

Good luck x

Ha! Dora! He hasn't had the opportunity to wander off at home since I usually lock the screen door and open the real door, when we are inside and it warm. Otherwise, we are outside in the yard and the gates are chained, plus we watch them, so it would be hard for him to get out of the yard.

We have taken him on walks around the neighborhood, sometimes allowing him to walk beside me without me holding his hand. The agreement is, if he walks beside me okay, I won't hold his hand. If he makes any attempt to run, I hold his hand. Funny enough, he understands this logic and will walk beside me (though he is always watching to see if I look the other way so he can run!). When we get to the corner, he will seek out my hand so that we can cross the street together. He knows, it's Stop, Look, Cross.

I also tried to explain that the road is dangerous, for the heck of it, but of course at 3, it made no noticable impression. It seems however that if I am not around, if we are in a different setting, or if he just feels like it, all the things we practiced just goes out the window. I will probably try and reason with him when he matures some more and when his communication improves. Until then, I will hover.

My daughter used to do that. She would unbuckle the double stroller, jump out, run into the street, and then stand there staring at me.

She would run out of the playground.

She would try to fly by taking leaps off of stairs and cliffs. (we lived in a very rocky area at the time)

My daughter, thankfully, was verbal. For some reason she thought that my expression of absolute fear was just about the funniest thing ever. Once she learned that I would "react" to her running into the street, guess where she'd try to go to throw her tantruam.

Thankfully, she outgrew it. Also, very thankfully, she has always been an exceptionally verbal and logical child. My heart goes out to you.

To the person who suggests training a child like a dog.....
Children are not dogs. Dogs want to please their owners. Children have their own ideas of pleasure, some of which have nothing to do with what pleases their parents. I don't usually get offended by things people post.....but suggesting that a non verbal child has the same intelligence, reasoning, and motivations as a canine..... I find that offensive.

Its difficult isnt it, Im only at the begining of all this, only just figured out that she may have an ASD so we havent practiced techniques yet. Its something Im looking into to try and help her understand.

Theres a few cartoons we try not to let her watch, anything with a moral she cant watch as she sees the character try to do something like reach up to get cakes that have just come out of the oven and they burn their hand and fall off the piled up chairs, she just thinks well I will be more careful and goes and does it! Mindless idiocy like spongebob is fine though lol!

My sincere apologies to anyone who has made an excellent contribution to this thread and found that their post has been edited or removed. I've removed an offensive post and subsequent references to it, so this thread has been edited quite considerably. I still have access to the removed posts, so if anyone would like their text to be PMd back to them, please let me know. I hope this thread can get back on track now.

Thanks for the edit, much appreciated.

Yesterday, we had a few family members over at our house and I left DH outside to watch the one gate that we left without a padlock. Well, one of the kids went to get a ball and didn't fully lock the gate. My son was able to unlock the gate and got about 10 feet until I saw him. When I called to him, he ran faster! All the while, he was laughter and saying "I'm running". We got him back inside but I realize that he think it's some type of gate. I gave him the talk about going out of the yard without mommy and daddy being dangerous.

Then, this morning, the gates are back to being chained but he doesn't know this. I went into the kitchen and he immediately got up from what he was doing and ran out the door to the porch. When he say that I was right behind him, he ran back in, laughing. So, I am not sure how I managed to teach him that this was a game. I am wondering if I could figure what I did to teach him that it's a game, and instead, teach him that it's dangerous.

He does seem to know that I don't want him to run away. Does poor impulse control also mean that you know you are not supposed to do something, but you still do it? I do feel like it is an improvement since he does know that I don't want him to run.