Explaining the politics of friendships...
Shellfish
Velociraptor
Joined: 6 Nov 2011
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 485
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Hi,
My son (6) seems to have picked up some of the 'basics' of friendship fairly well, he pretty much mimics what other kids are doing but is improving a lot in terms of conversations, turn taking, sharing, flexibility with playing other games (not just his special interest games).
We are having trouble explaining the politics of friendship - he has made a new friend (Jo - for these purposes)) who he seems to worship (perhaps his new 'special interest'?). Jo also loves Super Mario Bros, and so they have bonded from the word go - but now my son has decided to exclude his other friends, and tells them that he prefers Jo to them (we all live in the same townhouse complex and the kids come and go willy nilly). These kids are young and all little fickle so probably aren't that fussed - YET but sooner or later they aren't going to be too pleased with playing second fiddle and it just doesn't seem to get through to my son that it's okay to have multiple friends.
As a side note, he also gets extremely anxious if Jo gets displeased in any way - if my son beats him at a computer game, or when he accidentally broke Jo's lego my son panics and will ask him repeatedly if he is still his 'best friend for ever and ever'. Not only is it annoying, Jo (who is older than my son) has realised that he can use this to his advantage and tells my son that he will be his best friend if he doesn't beat him again etc which annoys me - this isn't the message that I want my son taught about friendship.
Can anyone recommend a book that will explain more articulately that I can, what is involved in friendships?
_________________
Mum to 7 year old DS (AS) and 3 year old DD (NT)
He might not go for this because it's a 'girl's show', but My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic has a lot of good messages about what friendship is about.
You may also want to check out the books listed at this link:
http://delightfulchildrensbooks.com/2010/10/04/friendship/
How to Be a Friend: A Guide to Making Friends and Keeping Them by Laura Krasny Brown and Marc Brown (of the Arthur books)
We got it for my sons when they were about 5, and read it to them a zillion times. It gives good, practical, kid friendly advice about making friends, how to tell if someone is your friend etc.
You may also want to check out the books listed at this link:
http://delightfulchildrensbooks.com/2010/10/04/friendship/
You'd be surprised to find out how many boys like MLP. My son was floored when he found out that one of the most popular boys in 5th grade actually is a fan. He may not tell all the kids about it, but my son "busted" him because he knew something that there was no way anyone would know unless they watched the program.
_________________
Mom to 2 exceptional atypical kids
Long BAP lineage
My son (6) seems to have picked up some of the 'basics' of friendship fairly well, he pretty much mimics what other kids are doing but is improving a lot in terms of conversations, turn taking, sharing, flexibility with playing other games (not just his special interest games).
We are having trouble explaining the politics of friendship - he has made a new friend (Jo - for these purposes)) who he seems to worship (perhaps his new 'special interest'?). Jo also loves Super Mario Bros, and so they have bonded from the word go - but now my son has decided to exclude his other friends, and tells them that he prefers Jo to them (we all live in the same townhouse complex and the kids come and go willy nilly). These kids are young and all little fickle so probably aren't that fussed - YET but sooner or later they aren't going to be too pleased with playing second fiddle and it just doesn't seem to get through to my son that it's okay to have multiple friends.
As a side note, he also gets extremely anxious if Jo gets displeased in any way - if my son beats him at a computer game, or when he accidentally broke Jo's lego my son panics and will ask him repeatedly if he is still his 'best friend for ever and ever'. Not only is it annoying, Jo (who is older than my son) has realised that he can use this to his advantage and tells my son that he will be his best friend if he doesn't beat him again etc which annoys me - this isn't the message that I want my son taught about friendship.
Can anyone recommend a book that will explain more articulately that I can, what is involved in friendships?
Just wanted to say this sounds very much like my daughter at this age (and up until around age . Unfortunately, my daughter had to learn these lessons on her own. She would become very upset if someone else played with the girl she liked and was very possessive of her. Kids will be kids and use taunts like the one you describe. While you can try to guide your son on this, it is something he will learn over time (a much longer time than typical kids) and I had to let things play out with my own daughter. While my daughter (age 9) still dosn't have "typical" friendships she is getting better about this.
I think your son may feel like he's doing "harm" to Jo by beating him at video games! I was a sore loser in childhood and so I understand where that would come from... Do you know how your son feels when he plays his best and loses? If he takes losses well, realizing that Jo does the same could help him there...
_________________
Your Aspie score: 98 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 103 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
AQ: 33
A while back, I made a list of everything we found that had prosocial messages in it and posted it here: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt149954.html
You will note that MLP is on it (and DS is a proud "brony" to the point that he was going to do a research paper on it.)
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