What was your child like as an infant?

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Thank you for the sympathetic comment, ha ha! The bonding thing was strange, it was partly similar to what you mentioned, I felt like he thought I wasn't interesting. For the first year there was the added burden that he was unable to breastfeed (nipple confusion at hospital), but was allergic to all types of formula that I tried (there was only one major one I didn't and that was because it was like $50 for a tiny can). So I had to go on a limited ingredient diet, and exclusively pump breast milk for him for the first 13 months of his life. It was like 5 hours a day (total) hooked up to a breast pump, while trying to sooth a screaming, restless infant with almost no sleep. And my husband was laid off and had to take a job with long hours working nights. When it rains it pours, right? Anyway, I had some issues with depression that first year which didn't help with the bonding. When I finally started getting sleep around the one year mark, and he started talking more, we started to bond.

When he was little he hurt my feelings sometimes. He never wanted to be touched. He would interact but only to demand things. When he was around 14 months old he figured out he could use adults to reach things up high by standing next to the object, throwing out his arms, and saying "big hug!" Then when we picked him up he would grab what ever it was, and then struggle while shouting "down!" At first I was so excited he actually wanted to hug me, but then I realized what he was doing. It's kind of funny now, and I admire his intelligence, but it hurt at the time.

I feel weird saying this, but I never got to mutually hug/hold him until he was four, and his doctor talked me into putting him on a medication for ADHD (I was very against medication for a child so young). But the medication stopped a number of his more difficult behaviors like shrieking a single word a thousand times, or ripping up books, or banging his hands and head. He now will periodically come sit next to me on the couch with his back to me, and just lean his arm or shoulder into me. It has to be very low key, and there can't be more than one other person in the room, but his posture acts like he's soaking up the contact. It's incredibly sweet! He also tolerates brief kisses and hugs every day as long as I warn him before hand, and he's not upset. He has sensory issues, so I think he is easily overwhelmed by contact.

I have been able to have conversations with him since he's been about 4 and on meds, before then he just shrieked commands or yelled random words. But it's very disjointed. He seems to understand everything I say, but he doesn't respond directly, or at all. He talks quite a bit, but it's more like he's trying to figure out the world, and explain it to himself.

I'm not sure how helpful this description is, since I don't know if he actually has ASD. I used to think it was just very severe ADHD, but even with meds and therapy he still isn't functional or social. So there has to be something more. He seems very smart, and unique, and awesome though, so that's what counts, right?

I also had him checked out by EIS a few times, as well as by by the state preschool twice, but he always passed the screening because of his vocabulary. He's just now getting to the age where his delays are being taken seriously.

I wish you luck in finding out what's going on with your baby. It's good to be vigilant, even if nothing is amiss. Sometimes I worry the issues with my son are all in my head, or that I created them with paranoia or something. But I'm starting to write a novel again, so I'm going to end this here

Its hard to generalize...sometimes when he didn't respond to his name, you could just walk over and put a hand on his back to get him to look at you, sometimes you had to do something silly or in a funny voice to get his attention. Now that he's older, if I start calling him other names - funny things / pet names - he will start to laugh and look over.

When he was a baby, we didn't have any idea he was autistic (we didn't know that much about autism and weren't thinking about it). He was always a happy baby and engaged well with us. Even though I'm sure he didn't respond to his name at 9 months, I didn't know to be worried - it didn't occur to me that he should respond to his name, I guess. I also had just gone back to work, so he often did respond to my voice when I got home and was happy to see me. It wasn't until he was 18 months and wasn't talking that we started to question his development. Even then no one thought autism right away because he loved to play, had good eye contact and was so happy. Around 2 years was when we really noticed red flags and had him evaluated (even then he wasn't diagnosed...they still said not autism...he wasn't diagnosed until he was 4).

Hmm, that really does sound like my DD -- she'll also respond to her name when I come home. It's a little frustrating -- she really did go through a phase of responding fairly well 2 or 3 weeks ago, so the regression is alarming. I guess it might have seemed like a fun new game at the time, and now it isn't...

How's your son doing now, if you don't mind me asking? How old is he?

By the way, did he babble on time and whatnot?

I kind of wish I didn't know much about autism... the worrying is emotionally difficult and completely pointless. But I suppose you must have felt like that with your younger son!

Thanks so much for all your replIes -- I hope you don't mind the interrogation too much!

Wow... I can't imagine pumping for 13 months. I pump once a day right now and I still loathe it -- I can't imagine doing it for five hours (! !) a day... It does sound like a situation which would breed depression.

It's funny how tiny babies can hurt one's feelings, eh? I know DD doesn't do it on purpose, and it's not her fault if whatever toy she's playing with (or whatever point at space she's staring at, lol) is more exciting than me -- but it still makes me feel rejected! She likes being held, though, and likes my presence -- at the moment, she won't even let me leave her alone (although leaving her with other people is just dandy). But then when I'm hanging out with her she just uses me as a jungle gym and won't look at me...

Yeah, I worry that I'm just being paranoid, too. Of course, I'd prefer it to be paranoia and not an actual issue, even if it would mean that I'm being a little crazy. I've had random concerns about her development before (she doesn't make eye contact when nursing, she didn't really mimic as a newborn), but they were pretty small and it wasn't at all clear they had any bearing on anything. So it really sucks to have a concern that's actually acknowledged to be a red flag -- it's much harder to convince myself that I'm just obsessing.

By the way, I appreciate all the responses and enjoy reading the long ones! I wish you and your son luck -- whether he gets diagnosed or not, I hope he learns to function better!

I don't know if you will find this interesting, but here is an article on cultural difference in face-face interaction.

http://www.slate.com/blogs/how_babies_w ... _baby.html

Not all cultures value it as highly as ours, which makes me feel a little better about my son not having enjoyed this as an infant.

It is Slate, so keep that in mind, but it does have links to other sources if you are interested.

I don't mind the interrogation at all - I love to talk about my boys My older son did babble on time. That is why they did not worry at his 1 year appointment when he wasn't talking. He looked the doctor right in the eye and "talked" (in jargon, not real words) for 5 straight minutes. He had everything going on...voice inflection, hand motions, appropriate pause so others could respond...they just weren't real words that he was saying (it was super cute - I still to this day believe he thought he was talking just like everyone else!).

Today he is 7 and is in first grade. He is mainstreamed with an aide 3 hours per day. His main issues at school are processing speed (he is slow to interpret verbal commands and struggles when there are a whole bunch in a row - stand up, remember to grab you book, everyone go to your desk and take out your math worksheet and pencils - WAY too much for him) and his attention (he is prone to drifting off and thinking about Skylanders when the school work does not seem interesting to him). He is smart, though, which so far has allowed him to keep up. He gets speech and OT at school and privately (he has an autism diagnosis rather than aspergers due to the speech delay). He is also just starting to get interested in the other kids in class. They have been playing hide-and-seek at recess which he LOVES. The girls also seem to adore him and help him out a lot (he is a sweet, sweet kid so they seem to like to mother him). He plays with the kids in the neighborhood, but likes playing on his own as well. Most importantly - he is happy.

I did worry more with my second son. However, when he wasn't responding to his name at 9 months, I wasn't as upset as I thought I would be. I cried for an hour, then picked up the phone and called early intervention. I could see how much progress my older son had made so I realized that I really felt OK either way. I don't mean this to sound corny, but they are who they are and I wouldn't change them. You are learning to be a mom and if you end up learning to be the mom of a child with autism, it will just be a little different.

I have to admit, I'm banking on the fact that people don't usually mind talking about their kids with these posts . It sounds like your son is doing great! That must make you very happy .

I'd honestly be totally fine if DD's trajectory was like the one you're describing. Actually, your son sounds kind of like me at that age -- I was pretty gifted academically, but probably wouldn't have been able to pack my own backpack, and getting from class to class wasn't always as trivial as it could be . My family (stupidly, in retrospect) sent me to school a year early, which exacerbated the social and organizational issues. I always did well at school although it turned out that was partially because I had grandparents who made sure I did the homework -- I grew up in Ukraine and immigrated to North America just with my mom when I was in grade 6, and I wound up flunking a few classes because I couldn't manage to get organized enough to actually DO the work (which, frankly, was much less challenging than the work I was doing before the move!)

Anyway, this is just a long-winded way of saying I am completely OK with (and would probably be good at) raising a high functioning kid. And from personal experience I know that it's completely possible to be like this and become an independent, happy, and reasonably normal adult. The thing that always scares me is that I know that you can't tell how high functioning a kid will be from how they present at 2 -- so a diagnosis would basically mean a leap into the unknown. And I know raising a low functioning kid is also rewarding, but is also incredibly challenging.

This is a bit off-topic, but do you have any autistic traits in your family at all? I guess counting very low-level stuff like nerdiness and awkwardness here...

Thanks for the link! I read Slate all the time, actually (embarrassingly?) so I've been following that series with a fair amount of interest .

By the way, how old was your younger son when he started consistently responding to his name?

I dunno, I pumped for my son for 11 months due to his cleft lip and palate, and it was the opposite for me. There was so much OUT of my control, he had so many procedures, surgeries, etc..that was the ONE thing I felt I could do FOR him. It was a part of my daily routine just as showering, getting dressed, eating, etc. I pumped 24/7 after every time my son ate. I have gone on to nursing 2 subsequent children, my DD nursed till just a few weeks ago and she is 4! AND I feel more accomplished with the pumping then the nursing. Nursing is easy(for me), pumping was dedication!

Congrats on doing it so long :)

He actually started responding more to his name the week after early intervention did his intake - wouldn't you know! However, he is still not perfect at responding to his name. His father has very strong ADD and I would bet a million dollars that he does too. So, it some ways he's like his older brother in being easily distracted.

That must have been a relief! Hopefully my LO will decide to respond soon, too . (And she's ridiculously distractible, too -- I still have to nurse her in a dark room, because when I wasn't doing that, she just moved all her calories to the night time. That was FUN!)

I actually have loads more questions for everyone, but I think I'm going to make another attempt to stop obsessing and therefore will try to not check this thread. I'll definitely post updates when there are any, but in the meantime there's probably no sense in me being fixated. (And as a half-Aspie, fixation comes easy!)

As always, I welcome other stories, though -- I'll definitely be back to check on this, just maybe not in the next week or so. (If I manage to stay away...)

I just saw an article about the Early Start Denver Model (ESDM), and noticed they use it for kids as young as 12 months! Might be something to look into if you have concerns...

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/259991.php