HELP! Stopping talk about a new obsession???

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Were you ever able to stop/change your child's obsession?
Yes 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
I have tried, but It didn't work 100%  100%  [ 6 ]
Total votes : 6

TrustNoOneKMC
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05 Jan 2007, 2:16 am

My 8 year old nephew has AS. His two older half-brothers that he used to see on the weekends just lost their mother to cancer, and they have moved in with him. For whatever reason, my nephew has taken an interest in graveyards and cemetaries. He builds them, draws them, and talks about them quite often. However, this is extremely upsetting to his 9 year old brother, being that he just lost his mother. Is there anyway to stop my nephew from talking about this subject in front of others. The 9 year old is having a hard time already, and does not need the additional stress that this is causing. Talking to my nephew about how much this upsets his brothers does not help at all. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

FYI: cemetaries are not his only/main obsession. That would be tornados. I know there is nothing that can be done to stop a main obsession, but I'm hoping this can be stopped before it becomes his main focus.



CockneyRebel
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05 Jan 2007, 4:19 am

Don't Tread



ster
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05 Jan 2007, 6:32 am

never had luck with this one



schleppenheimer
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05 Jan 2007, 8:05 am

I wonder if getting him back on track with his other obsession -- tornadoes -- would help him concentrate on that one and forget the obsession with cemetaries. Maybe get multiple books on tornadoes, or multiple videos about tornadoes, just to peek his interest back into that.

It's worth a try.

Kris



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05 Jan 2007, 8:38 am

Ye theys one way but you will be scaring him for life and that is making him social phobic... Funny how you seem to value one over the other even if you don't mean to upset one or upset the other by forcing him to change....

Whatever obsession a person is in no one from the outside can try to steer you into a wall...

Best thing to do is get the 9 year old in counselling as he has just lost his mother, a) He will be upset, b) he will get upset other than the 8 year old saying something, c) he’s going to have to go and place flowers on the grave of his mother at some point...



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06 Jan 2007, 4:33 pm

What my mother would do when I had an intense obsession with something is use it as "a jumping off point". And try to get me intrested in something related to the "obsession". I can see how constant talk about cemetaries would be upsetting to a child who had just lost a loved one. Only thing I can think of right now is forensics (forensics are also used to prove someone is quilty of a crime or find a missing person. I watch a lot of CSI as you probably can tell.)



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06 Jan 2007, 4:58 pm

Hmm...I wonder if getting him a halloween game might work.


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logitechdog
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06 Jan 2007, 5:18 pm

What if he start's talking about dead body's and cutting them up, and how they remove stuff, how they test theory’s out, I like CSI too special "Gil Grissom", seems to have too much fun when he takes people's blood and gets the "weapons" out on the Dummy.

Just seem's he more interested in the "morgue" type stuff, forensic pathologist.



KimJ
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06 Jan 2007, 6:58 pm

With all due respect, I don't see changing the boy's obsession as a healthy thing. Teaching appropriate communication skills/tools is. Refraining from discussing death too much is appropriate for an 8 year old. My son can taught to refrain from talking inappropriately.
Drawing and reading is a whole other ball of wax. That's his life style. He is not hurting anyone by expressing his interests.
When I was about that age and my cousin was younger than I, I brought up her mother's death. She had committed suicide years before and I asked about it. I was very young and ignorant and brought it up out of curiousity, not malice. My cousin stepped on my foot and trotted off. I asked my grandma or which ever adult was around and they explained that my cousin was hurt by my question. I wasn't blamed or shamed, just informed about my mistake. I didn't repeat it and waited for her to want to discuss her mom.
Kids are curious and the death of a relative may be very scary for various reasons. Exploring the cemetery/death obsession might uncover an emotional issue or lead to a new interest.



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13 Jan 2007, 9:14 am

I think there should have been a 3rd Option in the poll - No.

Stopping this boy's obssession with cemeteries will backfire in a major way. He could be steered a little bit towards a related topic such as styles of headstones in different historical eras.

I'm also obssessed with cemeteries and have been for many years. Most of the time, I never get the time to visit any cemeteries. I'm also very interested in true crime and forensics.


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TrustNoOneKMC
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13 Jan 2007, 1:33 pm

I did try to add the "no" option to the poll, but my computer was acting up that day and it didnt' take for some reason.

I don't want to totally steer him away from the obsession, just keep him from talking about it in front of his brothers.

I find it funny that a couple of you mentioned CSI and forensics, as this has become an interest to him. After my sister screens the shows, she allows him to watch CSI, and he is totally intrigued. His favorite is CSI: Miami.

Thanks for the suggestions

BTW - what does "Don't Troll" mean?



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15 Jan 2007, 7:41 pm

I don't remember my parents ever trying to stop my obsessions, but other people I know have. There have been several instances where my peers have the mentality of "let's see how long we can get Namiko to shut up about LotR/Star Trek/chess/whatever other obsession there is" and they have actually said this aloud at times.

The best case scenario is when you can take your obsession and use it for something good. For example, I am obsessed with infectious diseases, so I took a class on diseases and epidemiology a few years ago. I was able to really get excited about what we were learning in class (which is rare). It might also be helpful if one can learn to force an obsession on oneself and so it can be used for something productive.

As for the specific obsession of graveyards, perhaps explaining to him that it is not a good idea to talk about graveyards in front of his half-brothers is a good idea. If he starts to, pre-arrange a signal (something like tapping him on the shoulder) or invite him into the kitchen to get snacks for everyone and gently remind him.


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15 Jan 2007, 9:02 pm

explain to the boys who lost their gran that it is his obsession and nothing can be done to stop it or something like that and that its his disability which makes him like this


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Pandora
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21 Jan 2007, 6:39 am

Yes, and if it is anything like the obssessions I've had, it will run its course.


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daisydiana
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24 Jan 2007, 9:40 am

I think in time your nephew will stop the obsession with the graveyards and stuff i know my son picks up one obsession for a while and then later moves on to another so maybe you just have to wait it out and hope for the best. I know it has to be hard and maybe it is coming from the fact that his 2 half brothers lost their mom. Did it start after she passed away? It will pass in time my AS 8 year old has gone through some obsessions. He used to draw people and animals with blood coming out of them it was disturbing but sometimes you dont know how they are thinking and its gone now thank god. So there is hope so just hang tight.



mumstheword
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25 Jan 2007, 3:29 pm

What about the old "time and a place". He's old enough to have set limits. Perhaps if you set aside a time for him to discuss the topic the waiting game will get old and boring. We often tell our son " That's not what we're talking about right now, we can discuss it later but right now we are discussing...." just be sure to actually have the discussion later so he has his needs met. Good luck with your decision and let us know how things go!