Not eating lunch at school

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Youngest is a small kid. He had GERD when he was a baby, which led to a lot of pain and sleepless nights, and ultimately a "failure to thrive" diagnosis.

He's five now, and in Kindergarten. Still quite small for his age. And he doesn't eat.

There's a fairly limited list of what Youngest will eat, which is entirely typical of kids his age...especially so of kids on the spectrum. Very little protein, very little fat; mostly simple carbs. We're slowly finding stuff that he'll eat at home, although that's a struggle more often that not, but school is the biggest problem.

There's no way that he'll eat the lunch that the school provides. It's just not happening. So we pack a lunch for him, and we started with -- after consultation with him -- home-made lunchables. Thickly sliced turkey breast, and some Ritz crackers. He ate this lunch once, and then started bringing it home untouched.

Right now, he's big into packing his OWN lunch, like a "big boy". Today's lunch consisted of an apple sauce squeeze packet, and FOUR cheeze-its. Not four bags, just four crackers.

Nothing more.

I've tried to suggest other foods. He rejects all of them. I've asked HIM to suggest other foods. He refuses. He does eat when he gets home, so he's not starving to death here, but it's really not good for him to be eating no lunch at all...it can't help his focus, or concentration.

It's not lack of hunger, either -- when he's off from school, he clamors for lunch at noon, without delay. I can, and have, sent in more food for him, but he just brings it home untouched, and then refuses to eat it later.

His being in school is not the problem, as far as I can tell. He loves going to school each day, is doing great, and gets genuinely upset if it's a holiday or weekend.

What the heck do you do?

since he is only like that in that one environment, the school cafeteria, do you think it is a sensory issue? Maybe he would do better eating with a small group in a quiet classroom.

I have 2 kids who are very picky due to sensory issues. I let them choose their lunches but tell them that they must take one food item and one drink. I don't get fussy about what it is.

Currently my son takes a cheese bun, a granola bar and a juice box. My daughter takes a meal replacement bar, a bag of veggie chips and a juice box. They will eat the same items every day for months and sometimes years and then switch over to a new combination they will stay with for a long time again. As long as they get to choose, I know they will take in some fuel every day.

At home they get fruit and veg cut up, with dip, cheese, meat, milk and water, eggs, pancakes, etc. and so I know that they have balance in their diet overall. They're healthy and growing, so it seems to be working.

Have you tried (you probably have) increasing the quantity of what he selects. If he would pack 4 crackers, give him say, 10 instead?

Another issue in addition to sensory issues as Eureka-C described, is that of time. My son piddles around at lunch and it took him so long to eat at school and that was why he didn't eat very much there. If you can, try to go eat lunch with him at the school and observe. Some kids are real social and yammer away instead of eating. Mine was doing solitary things to entertain himself and also probably to block out the sensory input. He was eating but not as much as he would have at home, where he eats in a relaxed way, while he stims and does other things.

I like what ASDMommy suggested.

I wonder if my son would eat at all at school if it weren't' for the fact that I bring him for breakfast at school every morning. By being there in the lunchroom in the mornings, I've trained him to sit and eat in the lunch room.

If you are able to go observe, I totally would.

Also, they eat lunch so early in kindergarten. Does he eat a big breakfast at home? I know my son gets a big breakfast at school, so he often brings home part of his lunch and eats it as soon as he gets home. He tells me that he saved his lunch so he can eat it later, and I wonder if its because he's just not hungry by the time lunch time rolls around at 11:30, but he's starving by the end of the day.

I wish I could help you, but I have the same problem with my 5th grader. He generates a lot of concerned emails from the school, because he is little and packs very little in his lunch box. We have recently made it mandatory for him to bring a small bag of beef jerky in addition to whatever he packs, but I highly doubt that will last the rest of the year. He will wait us out, and stop bringing the jerky when we forget about it, just like he did with his water bottle. He seems like he is trying to do a doctoral thesis or something on the lunch line, the way he sits and observes everything, and he just doesn't eat. He watches instead of eating. That's what he wants to do on his lunch break.

DS wouldn't eat much because of the noise (outdoor under an aluminum roof), the crowds, and that seeing other kids eat grossed him out. I ended up packing jello (hey, at least it's 100 calories), cereal, a cheese stick, and a token fruit (applesauce or strawberries). His kindergarten teacher kept snacks in her classroom and would encourage him to eat a graham cracker or goldfish later in the day.

Could you work out something with the teacher so that he tries to have a snack in a quiet spot or during recess later?

I stopped eating lunch at school because I had no one to eat lunch with and I felt too isolated and exposed sitting all alone, so I went outside and paced until lunch was over. It never had anything to do with food preferences, but my parents never let me get away with finicky eating anyway - I could pass on something if I really hated it, but I didn't get to choose the menu.

I'm 18 and I still don't eat lunch at school except for Greek Yogurt and Boost drink, which someone so young probably wouldn't tolerate. I feel hungry but can't eat b/c of anxiety and sensory issues. I stood thin at his age, but now I weigh 115-125 on a 4'11 frame, so i wouldn't worry. I eat a lot at night though, and my folks hate it because it can make people obese.

Never really won this battle with either of my kids, one now 16 (ASD) and one now 13 (NT). They've given me countless reasons over the years that we've attempted to address and they work for a while, and then they don't. When we insisted they eat at least one thing we had packed, they just gave it away to someone else. They both currently do eat a little, but still not much. My son likes a bagel and my daughter likes fresh fruit. Otherwise, we pack non-perishables that we know they like, and they put a lot of miles on those items. Chocolate milk was a hit with my son for a long time, btw.

But here is the thing: they are fine. They are healthy, eat well overall, and do well in school. So ... I long ago let myself stop worrying about it. You have my permission to do the same.

One thing NOT to do, IMHO, that too many parents will, is to start sending junk food and candy just so that the kids will eat "something." I don't think you win the long term battle that way.

Is he eating at all at the school lunch, even if he packs it?

If he's not, I wonder if there might have been a miscommunication. When my oldest was in Kindergarten he was told not to get a milk for some reason. He was in the wrong line or something, and they intended him to go around. (At least this was his teachers claim, I have very little faith that she acted in good faith. She certainly didn't check to make sure he was getting milk late--not for weeks.) Anyway, he thought he had been told that he couldn't have milk--ever. Is it possible some comment has been made that he understands to mean that he isn't supposed to eat? Or maybe even something related. Like, he isn't supposed to have his lunchbox on the table, and he can't figure out how to eat because of that. Or he doesn't feel like he has time to finish, and if he can't finish he won't start.

Five year olds aren't the most logical of creatures at the best of times, and if you are dealing with a delayed rule follower, who has communication problems, really unusual reasonings for actions can crop up.

How long would it take your parents to convince you to eat relaxed lunch, while you are sitting in the middle of an heavy frequented street crossing? ^^ (So not about being in danger, but simply about the traffic around you.)

This is no abnormal "typical Aspergers" behavior. All people, as well as many animals (cats, horses, ...), tend to eat less or stressed in an surrounding, which causes them stress. Its as well biological, so if you feel stressed, your body surpresses the hunger feeling, because stress normally is caused by an kind of danger, and in earlier times this meant to be able to run as fast as possible, which is easier for you if you dont eat big portions, and carry them around in your digestive system.

Even if you are logical aware that you are not in danger, while being at an mid between grass "island" at an heavy frequented crossing, you might eat a little snack if you are really hungry, but you dont get the feeling, that you now want to sit down here, to eat a full lunch.

As you mentioned yourself, missing one regular meal of a day, is not bad for humans, so as long as had an healthy daily nutrition at the end of the day, it doesnt matter that much if you now eat a bit more for breakfast and dinner, while only eating something small or nothing for lunch, and so on. Cultures all around the world have lots of different eating habbits, and all manage to become adulted. ^^

when i was in school it was very difficult to eat. between all the loud, echoing sounds, the blinking florescent lights, weird smells... well you get the picture. i was just too difficult for me to eat in that environment. with all that sensory stuff, i didn't even feel hunger. i was also worrying constantly about what all the rules were for eating in an environment like the school cafeteria. i still get anxious sometime eating in front of strangers because i'm worried that i will forget some rule.

I spoke to his teacher yesterday; she's going to check in on him at lunch next week, and see what he's doing that isn't eating.

Honestly, there's a part of me that hopes that he's too busy socializing to eat. Even if he was, he'd never tell me.

I will check with her regarding snacks as well; that's a great idea. I know that his brother gets super cranky if he doesn't eat (he gave away his lunch to "friends" for the later half of second grade, and his behavior took a serious nose dive in the afternoons), and I don't want to see Youngest have the same struggle.

Here's something that no one mentioned so far (at least I think so): having a different lunch than everybody else, and being embarrassed about it.

I didn't have such a situation at school, thank god, and I'm saying that as an atheist. (I always ate the free lunches at school that I was eligible for, and no one teased me for that.) But it was a BIG problem at camp. My parents were very focused on giving me healthy, inexpensive lunches in what's considered good-sized in 2013, while 99% of other kids got to eat the usual American junk food, in huge portions. So of course I was bullied mercilessly for it. For example: "Hey everybody, look at his sandwich!"

So you can't blame for not eating lunch at camp. When I'd bring it home uneaten, my parents would be furious! They'd yell at me for over an hour about I'm not supposed to be embarrassed to eat a healthy lunch. And they couldn't get me lunches like the other kids had, since they cost a lot more, and my family was poor.

So I started throwing away my lunches, and going without. My counselors saw me and questioned me. I explained the situation to them. They were amazingly understanding. They either seated me in a relatively safe area near them so I could eat in peace (when my lunches were at least somewhat socially acceptable), or looked the other way when I threw my food in the garbage (when my lunches were truly embarrassing). My parents were none the wiser; they even complimented me on getting over my embarrassment.

So maybe the OP's son is having the same situation. If he bring lunch from home, maybe it's different, or simply looks different, than what the other kids eat. <sarcasm>And we all know how much NT kids love classmates who are different.</sarcasm> Of course, even hardcore NT kids have better attitudes toward healthy food today than they did when I was a kid. But being different is still "bad".

My son (basically non-verbal ASD), at the suggestion of the school, now gets the school lunch every day, basically to get him to try new things. Sometimes he eats it, sometimes he doesn't...he usually eats only the parts he likes.

We also pack some snacks for him (stuff he DOES like) which he gets to eat at snack time.

When he was in preschool we packed the lunches for him, and the stuff he likes is as far from the typical American kids' lunch as you can get - he prefers stuff like sushi, curry...I don't think I've ever seen him eat a sandwich or burger & fries...