Shift an autistic adults attention?

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Yuffling14
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28 Feb 2014, 3:59 am

My brother and I both have PDD. I am more high functioning and have my own 2 bdr apartment. My brother is 19, I'm 22. He is at my house for the next couple months bcuz my mom is sick and needs me to help him get on a sleep schedule and gain some healthier habbits. But he has a laptop and is on it almost every waking moment. I can't even get him to do chores. He is just watching YouTube videos on there all day and it isn't healthy. Especially since he rarely gets up. I can't even get him to throw garbage away without a 10-15 min argument. I want to get him out of this "autistic slump" but I don't know how. How do I get him interested in something new if I can't even get him to try. His being an "adult" just makes it harder. I no I hafta go into his world to pull him out, but idk how to do that with Minecraft ( he watches Minecraft videos on YouTube.) thx!



ASDMommyASDKid
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28 Feb 2014, 8:14 am

This is a tough topic. A lot of aspies in his position are depressed and when that happens it is that much harder to get them out of their shells. I don't know how much you can accomplish in only a couple of months, especially on your own. He probably will need at least some professional help. Ideally, it would have been nice if your mom had given him a clear expectation (maybe she did?) of what would be expected of him as a guest in your home. (Chores, whatever it is that you would have wanted) to prepare him. Either way, I am not sure that it was fair to give you the job of making him healthier. This is a huge job, and just a change of scenery is not going to be enough, especially as it might freak him out more to not be in his home.

How easy is it to talk to him? How does he communicate in return? Do you have any leverage at all, like favors he would want you to do for him that you could tell him you will do AFTER he does x thing for you.

Edited to replace "weeks" with " months." Oops.



Last edited by ASDMommyASDKid on 28 Feb 2014, 9:20 am, edited 1 time in total.

Soccer22
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28 Feb 2014, 9:09 am

Your brother describes me in a nutshell except for the minecraft special interest. He may be depressed, especially if your mother is sick. What are the "healthier habits" you speak of by the way? I think that needs to be established so that he can aim for those goals. Also at 19, I'm sure he doesn't even know what he wants out of life yet. I don't and I'm 24. His goals may be different than your goals.



Marcia
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28 Feb 2014, 9:12 am

Of course, it's also possible that this has little to do with his being PDD and more to do with his being a male teenager.

Many people his age, regardless of neurology, would rather spend time doing what they like than helping out around the house or even keeping their own room clean and tidy.



Yuffling14
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01 Mar 2014, 1:13 am

My mom has cancer. My brother and I have a VERY close relationship. Most think we are twins because we always finish each other's sentences. He is with me because I am the only one besides my mom that he responds to. That's because we know "his language" if that makes any sense? For example, yesterday, I took him to bingo and when everyone took a break, he randomly just said "I'm fine with your cells!" To most that would sound really random, but I knew he was telling me that he was feeling nervous and needed me to talk to him. lol. My brother may have liver disease so more veggies and less junk food ie chips,soda etc. But since my mom is sick, she really needs his help with chores, but he also has severe combined ADHD, so he is supposed to do his chores within a few minutes of being reminded. But he wont and my mom is too sick to "make" him do them. We live in a REALLY small town (less than 1 mile) and at least 60 miles to the nearest anything. We have tried to get someone to come to their home and help them both, but since he can talk and appear "normal" for a short time, no one will help because they say that he should just take care of himself and my mom. So, even though I have PDD, I have to work as well as help them both. I am getting so stressed that my neck is stiff but the state and city wont help. So I am trying to do what I can. My mom, me and my brother ALL have PDD but I am the most high functioning. I wish we could get professional help, but its too expensive.



ASDMommyASDKid
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01 Mar 2014, 9:49 am

It is hard to get help when you look "normal." I don't know if there is some kind of regional Autism society where you live that can point you to a free advocate. I think you all need respite and you need someone who knows how to work your local system/county.

As far as concrete help goes, the only thing that I can think of is try to put your brother on some kind of visual schedule and prioritize the stuff that has to be done and anything that doesn't need to be done should off everyone's schedule and just not worried about (but you probably already know that Whatever the bare minimum is, have him do it, and even with the visual schedule, it is still going to take reminding.

If you have everything in a visual format posted somewhere he looks at a lot, you may be able to minimize it. The fact that your mom is so ill, is stressful for him to, and as you know, stress is not helpful for functioning, either. (I am sure you are feeling that too, you are just more capable of pushing through it. So you get to have the brunt of this which is unfair, too)

Unfortunately (as some one with an autistic 8 yr old knows) the training part is more work than doing things yourself a lot of the time) -- so unfortunately you will have to decide what is easiest for everyone, and how much help his help is really going to be. If it only takes a little nagging it might be worth it. If it is over and over again...it will be harder to decide what is more draining to you.

I am sorry things are so hard.