My daughter is fairing better than her mum..

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My daughter texts me every day on her long bus trip home from school and her message was ' my two friends asked me if I am going to do my debutante? and they would help her find a partner/ I found out first time about this today.

The expression of interest deadline is tomorrow. My daughter has known about this approximately 10 or so days and her friends did ask her once more before.
We have about 15 hours to make a decision. This is no preparation or thought going in to this not enough time. I think the answer is a big not this year. She is 17 in May and in Year 11.

A Debutante Ball is a very social event with prior dance lessons with chosen partner, meal, band, set dances. procession, photos.

One thing is stuck in my mind, she wouldn't socialise with a dance partner. She barely talks in public. He would be incredibly lonely and be thinking something was wrong with him or my daughter.

Can young people do their debutante ball in their twenties? I'm hoping so.

I'm upset, that I didn't have a time for preparing my daughter for this. She didn't tell me sooner because she thought she couldn't possibly do it. I was hopeful with preparation.

Does she even want a debutante? Is she the type of girl to be interested in such a thing, or is she into more masculine things? If I was your daughter, that type of peer pressure would drive me bananas. Maybe you could ask her if a debutante is something she really wants, or if she wishes to do without it. I guess I'm asking you how she personally feels about it. Perhaps if she's not really interested, she could tell her friends the truth in a polite way. Another question would for me to ask would be, is it mandatory that all girls her age does that?

Thankyou for your reply, it really is helpful to get another perspective. As I know her well, I suspect she really just wants to wear a pretty white dress as she did say I did wear a pretty dress to her formal last November. The social aspect of this deb would be way too much as seeing you're supposed to have a partner and socialising comes with it and spending the evening with that partner and friends with a meal and dancing .

I'll talk to her more about it. She is less concerned than I am.So I should take that lead from her.

Thankyou

If she really wants to do it, but you don't think she's ready, I had a friend who did debutante in college, so it's possible to delay it.

I'm probably too late with this, but ...

My approach has always been to lay it all out realistically, ie explain what it will be like and what your concerns are, why other girls like it, all the while noting the choice is hers and she does not have to do something just because other kids are. Then find out what she thinks and wants, and support it.

And if the only thing really attracting her to it is the pretty dress tell her that she could always choose a night at the Opera (or symphony, or other dress-up event) event, and you would happily buy the dress and make her feel special.

Is there any money upfront with the expression of interest? Could you sign up now just to hold a spot and back out in a couple of weeks after you have time to discuss it with her?