Cartooning for bad days

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My 10 yo step-daughter has recently been diagnosed with AS. Previously we had been treating her for only ADHD, but by the time she was in the 3rd grade there was clear signs that she didn't "get" the social structure developing around her. We want to help her so badly, have her seeing a counselor and have recently started a social group to work on social skills. Bad days happen for everyone, but with this kid a bad day means she comes home and behaves like a jerk with her dad and me. She is unable to articulate anything to describe what's going on in her head about what has upset her. Because she likes to draw so much, it occurred to us that maybe we could get her to draw in cartoon form her bad day. That would allow her to "get it out" and give us a chance to get some insight. On the reverse page we thought she could draw a solution or an alternative ending to the "bad day" story on the front.

Has anyone else done something similar? Would this work? Or are we stuck waiting until she figures out how to get her words for this stuff out? (and don't even believe she's nonverbal. She can talk a blue streak about...cats, dragons, nyan cat, legos... she just can't talk about her thoughts and feelings and that really, really worries me moving into the the teen years and middle school.)

Thank you for any advice and recommendations! bmh

You reminded me of this book. Maybe it would be helpful.

http://www.amazon.com/Comic-Strip-Conve ... 1885477228

Art therapy is frequently effective for kids who can't verbalize their feelings. It's well-documented.

I really like this approach. She might even want to create an alter-ego for herself in the comics, which might give you some insight about her self-image (also important for a preteen).

My son is six, and has been using this method to clarify his thoughts since he was four. He doesn't have AS, but probably ADHD and he is very highly verbal otherwise, he just finds emotions difficult because they are so abstract.

I think art therapy--especially given her interest in drawing--would be a wonderful place to start. I would maybe start with just getting her to express her feelings without doing the other side of the page part. That part might be more difficult, so you might just want to keep it non-threatening until she gets accustomed. Although perhaps she will surprise you and do it on her own.

Another resource you might find helpful is https://www.socialthinking.com/books-pr ... age-detail I realize I recommend this product frequently and I must state that I am not affiliated in any way. My daughter just really likes it and it gave her a more concrete framework to use to try to learn social skills.

Wow. Thanks to all! I have the Social Stories book to learn the format for writing Social Stories and had read somewhere Carol Gray also had a cartoon type book. Funny thing is, I had forgotten that until now. The cartooning idea occurred to me because she has been cartooning with a kids at the after school care and has been reading graphic novels like crazy.

Seeing all the great ideas, I'll keep reading the thread even if I don't reply.

Thank you again!!

Experience has shown me repeatedly throughout life that those who do not share the same neurology cannot effectively communicate deep feelings and abstract thoughts to each other, period, because they don't experience thoughts and feelings in the same way.

In every instance in which the attempt is made, the neurotypical individuals gang up on the autistic person and insist that their feelings are INVALID, because those autistic experiences and reactions don't make sense to the NT way of thinking. The autistic is told that their point of view is STUPID and IRRATIONAL and that they must abandon their view of reality, no matter how obvious and irrefutable it may appear to them, and CONFORM to the way the neurotypical world tells them things are.

Because this experience has been the ultimate result of any attempt at cross-neurology communication concerning deeply held thoughts, beliefs and emotions, I have found the wisest course of action, in order to avoid endless unresolvable conflict and irreparable damage to one's self image, is to simply avoid any attempt at such communication altogether.

As an artist myself, I can't imagine that anything I could put in a visual medium would make any more sense to a neurotypical brain, in terms of communicating personal emotion, than my words would. If you don't get one form of communication because it's in an alien language, why would another form of that same alien language connect?

Willard, Thank you for suggesting that she could be feeling invalidated and "ganged up on". That's certainly not my intention and definitely not what she needs at home while facing all the mess that is teenaged girls. I'll keep this in mind as I try to help her navigate the next 8 years.

Another thing to be aware of is that your daughter may simply be overwhelmed, which is common with ASD. One of our adult members described being in the real world as constant nails on a chalkboard. Another described common sounds as feeling like nails being driven into their ears. And so on. Plus spending a day surrounded by unpredictable people can be exhausting for someone with ASD. Just ... don't be surprised if you don't find anything actionable when your daughter expresses herself through drawing, and even if you do, don't be surprised if she has no interest in action. It is entirely possible that the expression will BE the answer, along with time to simply wind down doing something like swinging or jumping on a trampoline; some sort of self-calming activity or "stim."

In case you don't know about stims yet, most of our kids have some sort of physical self-calming activity and you will see positive results if you do not try to suppress these. Whether it be pacing, chewing, swinging, rocking, or something else, these activities actually serve an important purpose. Let home be the safe place.

I agree. I think drawing is a stim to my daughter. She retreats to it to calm herself.

There seems to be the perception that I'm looking for ways to solve things for her and things to "act" on. Right now I'm looking for a way for this poor kid to process what's going on her head and perhaps have glimpse of it. I don't expect I can fix anything, but with her family's history of ASD and bipolar, I don't want her bottling everything up either. If she can draw her way to understanding herself and avoid outbursts and ugliness at home, then we've done our job for her. Home is a safe place, but if I can't understand the nature of what's happening at school and see bullying, then home will be the ONLY safe place and I can't let that happen. I can't prevent ALL bullying but by God, I'm going to do what I can to prevent as much as I can. However, right now with her inability to convey what's going on for her, I am of absolutely no use.

Very interesting thread--I felt an immediate need to comment when I read the OP, but then I read WIllard's response and though--OK, that covers it.

But there are three things I thought I might still usefully contribute:

I think this is important because it indicates that you are hurt by her behavior when she comes home. Dealing with that hurt is important. It might be productive to explore this a little bit, perhaps with a therapist focused on your feelings. What is she doing that upsets you and why does it upset you? The "why" question may seem obvious, but since you don't know how she is feeling or what her day has been like in the hours leading up to the "like a jerk" behavior, how can you evaluate how unusual or

The second thing is your "stuck" and waiting feelings:

Stuck implies helplessness,a very destructive feeling and reinforces the sense of how frustrated and unhappy you are. But the waiting part suggests that you are thinking there will be an end-date or end-state, somehow things will be different and the lack of communication will be over. This is the part that makes me think of Willard's post. There is a lot of work for you and your husband there, I think, in dealing with your expectations and emotions.

The third thing that caught my attention was this: I would suggest that you not do this. Provide cartoons or teach alternatives in some other way or on another sheet of paper. Concentrate on the goal of getting some insight into your daughter's reality. Proposing a corrective action on an expression of her perspective could seem very oppressive to her. It could seem that you are trying to fix her, rather than understand her reality and help her make the most of it.

Imagine your worst day. You got up on the wrong side of the bed, had a headache, missed the bus, boss was in a bad mood, you went into the big client meeting with a length of toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your shoe, got blamed by the boss for someone else's mistake, put your coffee on the roof of the car and forget to collect them before driving off... etc. and then imagine if when you got home, the first thing your husband tried to do to soothe you was tell you how you could have done every little thing differently all day long.

I'm not suggesting you would do this--but I have seen parents who drive their children insane by not giving them the space to feel their feelings--which are often a natural response to a difficult day.

It's not easy for parents to connect with their adolescent children. Her difficulties in expressing herself and your lack of shared perspective with her must make that even harder. I hope you find a way to make yourself feel better about it all.

Good luck!

I agree with this. Asking her to write what she could have done differently seems like a punishment, and I know that's not your intent. Also, she may not know the answer. Or, her day may have been bad for reasons that were beyond her control, or she may have been experiencing bullying.

^^^ All of this

I understand the impulse b/c it sounds like something a therapist would recommend. It may be something you can do selectively later on, as a learning experience. I think right now if you are having issues with expressive communication, you want to make it a safe medium to express her thoughts, without having to do therapy homework with it, if that makes sense.

It is really hard to work on more than one goal at a time. I would concentrate on communication first because it is the foundational element. I would encourage her to just draw how she feels.

We may be thinking a little bit past what you are writing, based on the fact that parents tend to try to be problem solvers

We all know that we can't fully understand a situation from a message board, and that advice given may or may not apply to a particular parent. You get to pick and choose, and we know that. But this is also a public message board, so for every parent that posts a question, there may be others just reading the answers, and so we tend to want to cover all the bases. Like I said, you get to pick and choose.

Hi Brandeche,

My daughter is 12 (almost 13) and recently started drawing cartoons to work through her feelings. I just found these detailed, sort of story board type drawings in the area where she watches TV. I thought they were amazingly cool, and I mentioned to her I had seen them. She was initially upset, feeling like they were private (to which I replied - then don't leave them out!), but then I think she felt flattered that I liked them. Since then, she has shown me several others. I think she draws them frequently, but only shares some. Anyway, I think it's a great way to work through feelings for her. If this is something your daughter enjoys, it helps her to process things, and maybe leads to some conversations and insight, then what could be better?

Best of luck!