Do I really need a $10,000 service dog for meltdowns?

Post Reply New Topic

I think a fully-trained service dog could be a mixed bag in your situation - it's different to get a dog that has a specific, quantitative purpose, like signalling a seizure or fetching things an owner can't reach, or guiding an owner who can't see. I agree that there are lots of organizations out there to scam people, and what's more, the kind of touchy-feely stuff about service dogs and autism might not even be scammers, just wish fulfillment on the part of the trainers.

This is not to say that a dog isn't a good thing. We've had dogs all my son's life, and pretty much all of us have meltdowns. Sometimes they get directed at the dog...but one of the things about dogs is that they remember the big picture and not just the screwups, so if they care about you they tend to forgive you. Our current dog allows herself to be lovingly mauled and hugged and poked and yet she is beside herself when all of us aren't home, and runs to greet us (it's really touching, if one of us is gone overnight she literally jumps for joy when that person is back.)

I'd do this: talk to some local dog rescue agencies about getting a calm adult dog that's good with very small kids (remember that kids with autism behave younger than their biological age) and ask if you can try "foster-to-adopt." Most rescues require it anyway, just to make sure their dogs are placed in permanent homes. As long as everybody in the family's on board with the idea that the dog is a visitor and everyone can handle the transition, that might give you breathing room to figure out if any dog is a good idea before you spend thousands of dollars on a service dog.

Some caveats: not all kids on the spectrum can understand that dogs are not animated inanimate objects - even high-functioning ones; social skills still apply. There is a limit to how patient even a patient dog can be if their personal space is consistently and repeatedly violated. In our home, we have a hard-and-fast rule that under the bed (the dog's preferred hideout) is inviolate space, and that any time the dog wants to go there, she can. If your child can't follow a rule like that, you may want to wait a bit.

Another question: does your kid want a dog? Is he interested in dogs?

I think the breed of dog is very important, I don't think that a service dog is necessary though.

We have a Basset Hound (real life hush-puppy dog!) for a number of reasons. 1. They are socially brilliant - they are pack dogs who feel it is very important to fit in with the family. 2. They are never aggressive, always gentle, and love nothing more than attention from children. 3. They don't need masses of walking - as long as you have a safe garden for them to wander in, then they are generally perfectly happy.

We went for the female rather than the male as they are even more placid.

I really would highly recommend a basset, she has been utterly brilliant with ds who is suspected AS, and although she will gently growl at him if he is too rough/overly affectionate with her (i.e. swinging round her neck) she will never snap, and it is helping him to learn boundaries and levels of behaviour that are appropriate. It is also helping him to be able to help in her upkeep, he enjoys letting her out of her crate in the mornings, and feeding her etc, and they are bonding well.

I think dogs are brilliant for all kids, you just need to find a breed which is going to be suitable for your situation, do a LOT of research about how different breeds behave, what they can give you and what they need from you in return before making your final decision, oh, and make sure you go to a reputable small-scale breeder and steer clear of 'puppy farms' because even the best breeds can go wrong if they are bred in the wrong way!! !! !!

good luck!

The foster to adopt is a great idea, except that my daughter might get too attached to any animal we foster, and, if it doesn't work out, dealing with her emotions would be really difficult (and unfair to her).

My son is not into any animals and does not seem interested in them, but I am hoping that having a dog in the home, around him, 24/7 might help. We would need a lot of supervision first as he can get really angry if his personal space is invaded (as evidenced by how he treats neighbour's dog).

This is just a gamble, too, for us, and we just need to hope that it pays off / works out !



What breed of dogs would be good for condo / flat dwellers ? I ask because you said that bassets need room to move ?

basset hounds would be fine in a flat as long as they don't have to deal with stairs (short legs and long bodies mean their suspension isn't great and lots of steps can give them lots of joint and back problems), but if you have a lift or are on the ground floor this should be fine, they just need some space to ponder about, sniff every blade of grass going, and then they're happy. They can walk for miles, but don't need to, they are usually quite happy with short walks or just a plod around the garden. As for internal house space, as long as they've got a beanbag/sofa to laze on and somewhere to have some play-time then they're fine

If all it is supposed to do is be a friend (and not help negotiate stores, or detect seizures, or any of the myriad other stuff they train service dogs for nowadays), I don't think it has to be a service dog. I won't say "any dog will do," because obviously the wrong dog is always a nightmare (I moved a country dog to the 'burbs; I wish I could find someone to help him go home, but for his sake).

Personally, I like a nice mutt. I'm prejudiced-- have always had mutts, and by and large they have been patient, gentle, as independent as a dog gets, and impervious to meltdowns (unless they happen to be the object of said meltdown-- then they run).

I have a dauchshund-beagle-God-alone-knows-what-else mix right now. He has been angelically patient with my kids (even tolerated a thumb in the eye when DD5 was a baby without much more than a wince and a growl) and forgiving of my fits (though he does run if I cock a foot-- I've only kicked him maybe three times over the course of 8 years, but that's him). If only he didn't toilet on the floor and bark incessantly on a leash/chain.

I can't recommend a purebred ANYTHING-- have had nothing but bad experiences with them; the three worst dogs of my life have been a short-haired dauchshund, a black lab, and an American Staffordshire. Nasty, touchy, aggressive things (but I will defend the Staffordshire-- it wasn't his fault that some dumb ghetto b***h tried to make a fighting dog out of him-- and the other two live in child-free households and are actually fine if I don't bring the kids around).

I realize larger dogs are more intimidating, but it's been my experience that, especially if you are going to go with a breed, you'll be best off to avoid the little yippy things. But then, I love my Ketchup Hot-Dog, and bar none the gentlest dog I ever knew was half dauchshund and half Irish Setter.

Also, very sad to say it because we all have so many hopes, but I really don't think even a dedicated service dog is going to make much difference for a kid who just does not connect with animals.

I don't know for sure, of course. I am no kind of expert.

I can generalize from me, though: I don't like horses. Just don't like horses, period. They're big animals with big teeth and big hooves and really, really fussy non-verbal communication. I. DON'T. LIKE. HORSES. I wouldn't like the pony up the street, and I wouldn't like visiting the horse farm, and I wouldn't get anything out of equine therapy with specially trained horses, either.

Now, small mammals are a different story. Dogs-- even dogs big enough to be considered ponies-- fine. Cats, even better. Rodents, OK, I can work with that. I can even cope with goats and cattle.

There's a thought. If you are not looking for it to do any particular therapeutic thing, a kid with massive personal-space issues might actually get on better with a really good cat. I realize that there is no such thing as a "therapy cat," but I've had over two dozen cats in my life (including farm cats, which is why the number is so high), and only had ONE that would invade my personal space uninvited for any reason other than hunger.

This is where I was going: if you're getting an animal for yourself or your daughter, that's one thing. If you're getting an animal for a child on the spectrum who doesn't connect with animals...that's a recipe for all kinds of bad stuff. A dog can be abused just for being an annoyance - and dogs who are ignored can be incredibly annoying. Imagine the meltdown your son will have if the dog consistently seeks physical contact or play with him and he doesn't like that (and if he isn't physically interacting with the dog...what good is it doing him?)

I think all parents have an urge to draw out their children (particularly their disabled children) using the things that work for THEM. I think particularly for kids on the spectrum this is a bad idea. What has always worked for us is to start where my son IS, and to try to build outwards from that. For instance, he was interested in killer whales...we went to Seaworld and explored all kinds of marine life and tried to expand outwards from killer whales to dolphins and manatees and seals, animal training, etc. He was interested in guns, we expanded from that into mechanics and explosions and science and physics.

Tangential movement from where DS starts has worked for us - trying to get him to do something unrelated to his field of interest was often a disaster, or at best a total waste of our time and effort. Just getting him to school is hard enough; adding things that interest ME (e.g. gardening, something DS wants nothing to do with) just increases his tendency to melt down. We do sometimes do things for us (DS hates camping, but we still go because we like it...but we do make allowances and don't camp so far from civilization that we can't get him to an arcade or mall at some point.)

If you want a dog for YOU, (which, forgive me, but that's what I'm reading between the lines here) that's a different thing. Your needs are still legitimate. You may still try to do fostering, and frame it as "dog-sitting" to your daughter so she doesn't get attached any more than she would if you were baby-sitting - don't let her know there's a "to-adopt" part until afterwards. (As in "The {name of rescue} needs someone to dog-sit {name of dog} while they get a permanent home ready." and later "{rescue organization} decided that it would be best for {dog} if she stayed here! We're going to be her permanent home!" You might check with the rescue to see if you can time-limit the fostering so that your daughter knows you're dog-sitting for X number of days.

You'd probably need to find a dog that will be happy completely ignoring your son.

I like this idea for if the OP wanted to go fostering to adoption.

Maybe he eventually will interact with the dog one day, especially if the animal is at home 24/7 and always around ? There are a lot of things AS kids don't seem to particularly care for, do we just shrug our shoulders and give up hope that they ever will care for X, Y or Z ?

The other reason that I was looking at a trained service dog (as opposed to a "regular" dog) is the reason you stated above - my son hating a dog that is always in his face. Isn't that why we pay through our noses to get a TRAINED dog that knows how to read a child's signs and knows when to engage and when to ignore a child based on said child's reactions to him or her ?

And he *will* be supervised around the dog, especially the first several months, given what we already know of him ! We do not plan on being stupid by leaving him and the dog alone to deal with each other ! !



Yeah, well, if your kid has ANY interests that you can work with and expand on, your advise would help. But my son is on the very low end of the spectrum and his sole interests are stimming all day long. How do I expand on that ?

I do realize that you are trying to help, but not every kid is the same, and not every parent has the opportunity to start where the kid is. I still try, though. And your approach is very understandable for kids who have any interest in anything aside from stimming.



You read wrong. This isn't about me at all, and if it was, there is no question that I would certainly get a dog for myself or for my daughter. This was a genuine query to other parents to see how / if a dog would help my son come out of his shell.

Honestly, I do get that you probably did not intend to cast aspersions on my reasons for posting here, AND it is hard to read tone from a message on a message board, but I feel put on the defensive, especially with your speculation that this is really about me or my needs and not about my son at all. Every kid is different and parents don't always have the same options with their kids as you have with yours.

I like the "dog sitting" suggestion wrt my daughter. That was something that I hadn't thought of, so thank you.

I don't think you're being judged.

Personally, I want a dog for me first, and my boys (both NT and ASD) are happily going along with it. And it just so happens that several people have told me it might also be good in particular for my ASD son. My son is on the higher end of the spectrum, so I really don't think I need to spend the money on a service dog because most of what it would be trained to do we don't need. I want to choose carefully, though, because the dog will need to be able to handle loud outbursts when he melts down, kids who chase each other and wrestle (which leaves out herding dogs, because I hear they nip), and a kid who will run to the closet to hide in his cocoon when stressed. I originally posted because I wanted to be sure that this was possible to find a dog like that.

I apologize if my post came across as judgemental, that was not my intent.

What I'm trying to say is that, given the information you've posted here, I'm concerned that the result you're looking for will not happen. Given the history your son has with animals, and your difficulty getting him to interact at home now, it doesn't seem to me that adding in an animal will help. Animals and animal therapy aren't magic, they work because animals often engage the interest of children of many different neurologies.

I understand that you're frustrated, in an extremely difficult situation and you are reaching out for support; I do want to support you, but I don't think it would be supportive to recommend an approach that might make things worse, and as a dog owner and the parent to a child who, while verbal, can be EXTREMELY rigid, my experience is that this might not be a good idea.

There's a great video Alex took about the Miracle Project, where Elaine Hall talks about meeting her autie where he was via his stimming : http://www.wrongplanet.net/article398.html

No, you don't need a $10000 dog for meltdowns.

How old is your child? Our dtr had serious meltdowns as a youngster and we looked into a dog as well. In the end, we got a pet when she was 8, not a service dog. Meltdowns have a reason. Perhaps researching and logging when they occur can help you fond the triggers. Then you have the possibility of "heading them off at the pass" as it were. I cannot begin to tell you here what triggered all of her meltdowns, but once we identified the triggers, we were able to work with her and her behaviorist to "desensitize" and acclimate her to situations that had been stressful. We learned not to give her more than 2 choices or she would melt; allow and encourage the use of noise-reduction headphones like construction workers wear, let an 8yo carry the darned blanket and cover up if it allowed me to get grocery shopping done. A little maturity and therapy ( and Risperidone in low dose to help reduce the "fright/fight/flee" impulse) and she has not had a meltdown in 3 years. She has learned how to identify stressors and verbalize them; we have learned to be more flexible in our expectations. She is now a senior in HS, has friends at church, enjoys ComicCons, and wants to be an illustrator.

A service dog may be helpful if your child is severely withdrawn and non-social. But, there may be other options, too.

Best of luck to you.

As an update, we got a 5 year old rescue dog from a foster organization - a longhaired miniature dachshund. Both the boys love her. S1 is verbal, affectionate and social (although not good at it). He is really taken with the dog, and she's a sweetheart, so this seems to be a good thing from that respect. He has not had a meltdown since we've had her, so that remains to be seen.

Oh, they're lovely wee dogs. Quite unusual where I live, although I've noticed that there are definitely fashions in dog breeds so maybe more people will start having them. The few that I have come across have always seemed very amenable, even tempered dogs, even with my son who has a habit of squeaking and making sudden movements around animals.