Her First Car Wreck

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My aspie daughter had her first car wreck yesterday, no one hurt, it was the other person's fault. I was able to get to her soon after the police were done their report and both cars driven out of the middle of the road.

Helped her calm down, make contact with the insurance company, all that. Alot of anger, yes the other driver made a bad move, but also expressing anger at the world, God. She cried, she vented, as we hung out together waiting for the Collision fix it guy to assess things. One line of venting I really didn't understand, wishing she (my daughter) had gotten hurt so the dumb driver would be in more trouble, would feel worse.

Any insights, comments from my friends here on the wrong planet?

Well she is likely to be very upset about the destruction of her car, I assume that when you write "car wreck" you mean major damage to the car. If I am wrong and the car is fixable then you will have to help her sort out repair. Depending on the age / value of the car and how badly damaged it is, you could find out if a mercanic can get it back on the road.

Has she any experience of dealing with mercanics ?

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Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Car accidents are unpleasant for anyone, but for an aspie they are nerve-shattering. She wishes the guy who was responsible was taken off the road so presumably he couldn't do it to anyone else. Maybe she's expressing it in an unusual way (wishes she was hurt) but basically it's a normal reaction only even stronger. Please be aware she may have trouble resolving her feelings and might show extreme anxiety about driving again: nightmares, flashbacks, anxiety about being a passenger in a car, anxiety about being near the place where she was hit, etc.

No it was not major damage, damaged headlight and that panel on driver's side. We're working out repairs with insurance company.

Yes she said she felt paranoid today while driving her sisters car to work, afraid of other dumb drivers.

Thanks for your insights.

I second Molly's comments; car collisions and the consequent mess of paperwork, repair or replacement, etc, is upsetting to anyone but especially to someone with ASD.

Because a lower threshold of anxiety-triggering is usually something a person on the spectrum lives with to various degrees, and when a sudden, shocking and destructive event happens it can really feel shattering to a person with autism, who needs and prefers and functions on stability, predictability, no nasty surprises to deal with.

In my own case, even small-fry damage that happens in my apartment, or something going bad on my car just through wear and tear, can make me feel a disproportionate sense of loss, panic and distress at the fact that something broke and is now in a pitiful state of needing fixing. I have a weird sensitivity about that kind of thing. Stuff like that gets under my skin, shocks, saddens, panics and depresses me in a strange way that I'm sure a neurotypical person would think was just ridiculous and bizarre. Part of it is the sudden stress of something not being "the same," going smoothly, being what I need it to be. Part of it is the disruption -- now there has to be repairs, strange people involved (maintenance man/mechanic) etc.

Your daughter wishing the other party could be punished even more or feel even worse is just part of her way of wishing there could be more of a sense of justice and payback for the distress she is now feeling. It feels shocking, scary, disruptive and unfair (even though unfortunately these things do happen to all of us sometime or other) and she's just trying to process those shocked feelings at the moment. She's upset this disruption has happened and wants to lash out at something/someone, but there's really nothing/no one to do that to, so it's coming out in the form of wishing the consequences were worse for the person who caused this to happen.

Time, understanding, plus getting the car repaired or replaced will help. She will probably be more nervous being back on the road for quite some time to come, but that's a natural reaction. After a wreck I had, I felt like I had a new oversensitivity to danger at every moment I was driving, as if it was inevitable something else awful was about to happen on the road at any moment. It's kind of a little bit of PTSD. It will fade in time as long she's able to "get back on the horse."