son who we think lies about hs projects

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My DS is off to his first choice college in August and wrapping up HS now. He had this big project for a class that he had been struggling with - kind of a research project in computer science. He got an extension and now the night before his presentation to the class, he tells us he lost all the files on his computer. He never shows us anything and spends loads of time in his room, but his grades have been pretty stellar all year. I would love to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he has now involved other people who are spending their time trying to help him retrieve the files from his computer. More than that he is probably lying, and has spent loads of time in his room doing god knows what, making us think he was struggling with this project, but now has enlisted our computer savvy friends to help. In addition, I'm concerned he's going to have even more trouble away at college. Even if he went locally and commuted, it's so hard to tell when he's telling the truth!! ! He never shows us his work. He has always had executive function issues - and inconsistent grades at times - but this has been his best year gradewise without any tutors, which he had needed in the past for math. He was told by his guidance counselor a few weeks ago when he was a little overwhelmed that even if he didn't do this project and others that were end of the year projects, he would still end up with pretty good grades. I don't care about the grade, because he has had mostly A's in this class all year. It's the lying and the potential to have further issues at college! BTW, I will be sending along paperwork to the office of disabilities at college, but of course, it's still on him to make use of the resources on campus.

Can anyone with similar scenarios comment and provide me with some encouragement???

He should have backed up his files.

I once did a 12-page paper for an English course in college. I lost it all!! !! !

This could conceivably happen--since it's happened to me.

I had to pull an all-nighter to produce another paper--it was due that day!

I'm also thinking that, perhaps, he's a perfectionist and doesn't want to show his project, since he doesn't think it's good enough.

Why are you so convinced he is lying? Has he lied about these kinds of things before to your knowledge? To me it sounds reasonable he could have lost the files and that is the problem, computers do weird things sometimes and that kind of thing can happen. It is certainly very possible he has been working/struggling with the project, something happened to the files on top of it and now he's trying to get help. Also people with autism can come off as being kind of too them-selves, so I wouldn't take that particular behavior as a sign of lying per say......I mean when I was in HS I didn't really talk to my parents about my school work, and if something disastrous like that happened I can imagine trying to fix it myself trying not to bother them even if its a bigger problem than I could actually solve.

Also if school work is a struggle for him, college wont be any better....especially if inconsistent grades all across the board are his norm not saying he certainly should not go but, perhaps a more technical program in something he is good at would be best but IDK. I just know college costs a lot of money, is pretty difficult and even if you graduate and get a degree it can be very difficult to find job availability in the field for a wage you can live on, let alone pay back the loans...even harder if you have something like autism on top of struggling somewhat academically. So maybe really think about if college is the right direction or if there are other paths that might make more sense for his functioning abilities. If its college for sure....maybe best to start with community college where he'd still live at home, could have a lighter load and then depending on how that goes can work up to traditional college, or maybe go to a technical school if he gets int rested in a specific trade or something. I admit though I am baised because of my college experience, which I feel was largely a waste of time.

I to have spent countless hours on a project only to have the files be corrupted the night before they were due, as I am now older and wiser, I should have backed them up, back then I had never lost anything and deemed backing up a waste of time.

I remember the teacher was the only one who believed me, as I had been discussing it with him during class and was noticeably excitable that I was being allowed to make a computer game for my project.

He might feel that he is being an excessive burden by showing you all the work he is doing and having you go through it if his grades as of now are good enough to indicate there are no fundamental problems. Any by that, I mean that his grades are what you feel they should be. If they are not, then certainly as a high school student, who is I presume still a minor, it is your right and some would say your obligation to find out exactly why they are not at that point, including going through his work step by step if needed. College is to a certain extent a different story since being able to handle college means being able to handle your coursework without regular monitoring from parents.

Thanks for all of your various perspectives and insights. I remembered that I posted something similar about 2 years ago, with an update about a year ago. I don't know how to bump up a thread, but if you search my posts, you can find it. You'll see that my DS admitted that he has lied at times in the past, and that I am usually right when I think he is lying. I feel that he is headed to the right school, a STEM school, and that there will be a great deal of neurodiversity there, that he will find like-minded thinkers, with various gifts as well as they have various issues. I am also hoping that he will find professional support on campus for his disabilities (executive-function) to keep him on track. He is also 18 now, so he is no longer a minor. On a positive note, he got the best first job I could imagine for him. He is a Tour Guide at our local Safari at a nearby Six Flags!! !

How is he going to make up the projects which he didn't hand in?

Congratulations on the great job!

I, myself, was given a bit of a pass on a research-paper project around the time of my graduation from high school in 1979. I had "executive function" difficulties at that time.

I don't think they will insist he hand in the project. Graduation is a week from tomorrow, and the teacher is very laid back. DS had great grades all year, and this one project is 40% of his 4th mp grade. So if he takes a failing grade on the project, he'll still do fine for a final grade. I'm not concerned about the grade, as I stated before, more about the actual behavior of lying instead of asking for help along the way. I think he comes up with very impressive ideas , that he thinks he can carry out in a very grandiose manner, then realizes it is an overwhelming task, and can talk a good talk, but in the end doesn't have anything to show for it.

Hmm... If he is anything like me, there is no way he would deliberately waste other people's time searching for files on his computer which he knows don't exist.
But also, if he is anything like me, he may well have spent a large part of the time he should have been working on the project, procrastinating while feeling guilty about it; and now feels that he's not been completely honest with you. Could it be that this is what makes you think he's lying?
Also, if he's anything like me, trying to fix the procrastination issue by looking over his shoulder or getting him to show stuff would be totally counterproductive - especially at his age.

Of course he may not be anything like me at all. YMMV.

Words of encouragement - well - looks like he may be struggling with some of the same problems as me, and although I haven't found a silver-bullet cure for them in my 40+ years, I'm still capable of holding down a job that pays enough to feed, house etc a family of 6. So I reckon he'll be fine.