Finding peace / curbing worry.

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How do you all find peace with your child's challenges and the uncertainty over his or her future ? I have always been very afraid for my son and what will become of him after our (his parents') time but, of late, this fear has intensified 10,000 fold. I find it difficult to even sleep because of the horrible worry.

We don't have any family who can take him in after us, and my daughter has challenges of her own.

I do know that life does not come with any guarantees, that I have to focus on the here-and-now, that life is anything but fair, that I could outlive him, etc etc etc, but the fear just won't go away. This week has been especially difficult for me.

Help !

I don't. I'm looking for peace.....but, well.....can't find it.

Religion is one thing. Another is I tell someone the problem and do exactly what they say, when possible. It isn't always, things have many aspects. But there is comfort in not being alone and there is comfort in sharing the burden with someone: family, friend, or professional.

And I try to ask myself is there more I can do? Then tell myself this is my best, if someone else can do better.....I welcome this.

I'm looking forward to what people say; hope I can learn something from this thread. A very important topic, glad you posted on it!

I don't have peace with my worries and I worry a lot. I am prone to anxiety anyway, and so maybe I don't know if I am just used to being worried, anyway; but I think that makes it worse, not better. All my worries are usually not in my head at all times and the ones relating to my son rotate with other ones I have about other things.

That isn't a helpful answer, I guess, other than to say you are not alone.

I actually do get some peace from yoga. There's no talking except focused on the pose, and it does help to get away from worrying for a bit. Also exercise if you can find time helps stop worrying a lot.

I believe in getting away from pain if you can, morally, legally, and financially. This is just my perspective of course. No drug is ever going to make me normal (meaning neurotypical). And that's what people want from me because they think I can be normal if I just try harder or take the right drug. It isn't really true and my heart is broken every time I try to act normal and get three feedback eventually I've failed when all I wanted was kindness and friendship from others and to give from inside me to them.

You're not trying to act and appear to be neurotypical when you're not (from what you've written) and no one is trying to make you different than you are. You just want some rest from worry. For that I would try the drugs. They may help and there's no reason to think otherwise in my mind. Pain medicine can work
even if you have an open wound or just had surgery. No one questions taking because there's a reason for the pain.

You are in pain and want relief, you're not trying to be anyone other than who you are......I just would do it. You can stop pills if you don't like them, but I think you've little to lose by trying to take care of yourself and a lot you might gain.

Exercising until I'm exhausted helps me. Anxiety is excess energy looking for a way to spend itself. Using up the energy helps.

Exercise is good. I like long walks in natural environments or quiet streets.

The other thing that tempers the anxiety is a pervasive sense of futility. Not really helpful, I know, but true--at least for me.

At the moment everything seems to be getting worse for everyone in my family and this particular fear has gone from something I could dismiss to something that makes me sit up suddenly in the middle of the night feeling terrified and powerless.

Sorry. (hugs)
This is kind of morbid but the way I see it is we are all just going to die and rot eventually anyway so it doesn't really matter. Obviously I'd like to make their lives as good as I can make them, but after I die, if their lives suck, then their lives suck…and then they'll die like everyone else and it won't matter. And there's always a possibility that their lives won't suck after I die anyway, which would be a bonus. That's how I see it. Not sure if that jives with your belief system…or if it's a healthy way to think…

I third the exercise idea. I ride my bike to work every morning and even if I slept 0 hours, cleaned poo off the wall, and listened to 5 hours of screaming all night long, I feel good once I get to work!

Also it helps me to remember that my kids actually have it "REAL GOOD" for severely autistic kids. My brother and his family are stuck in my native country, and they are living in a refugee camp. They have a son who is 8 and has autism and he is not even allowed to attend the school because he has autism (so he has nothing to do all day- receives no schooling, no therapy, no stimulation, and NO stability). So compared to that, my kids have a much better chance of having a happy life.

These are just things that help me personally- I know can't just turn off thoughts.

I don't think anything can take away the worry and anxiety entirely. We all love our children and want them safe and happy and thriving.

If I could worry less, I would. For me....there is more danger of giving up from caring too much and worrying too much!

I struggle with this every day. I am a planner and my main motivation for everything before was that if I get past a difficulty things will get better. For example when I finish grad school, I'll get to go out etc. But having to plan for a child who needs you everyday is difficult. I think the best way is to get your planning out of the way and try to make some time for yourself. While it's true that as parents we live through our children you have to remember about yourself. You should find a hobby and pursue it. Distraction is the only thing that helps me. Get a cat. I try to stay positive but it's a struggle. Remember that no matter how difficult life is it's still precious. As weird as it may seem when my son got diagnosed I binged on game of thrones. There was a scene with the dwarf that I will never forget:
"A knight says to his dwarf brother if the boy lives he will be a cripple, a grotesque Give me a good clean death any time. The dwarf replies: speaking for the grotesques I disagree. Death is so final. Yet life is full of possibilities".