15 yo son refuses attention meds b/c he googled side effects

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Hi, my darling 15 year old with aspergers is afraid that the attention meds are going to rot his brain. He stopped taking Ritalin a year ago after only a couple of months and won't take the vyvanse now because he saw stuff on the internet that scared him. He's very rigid on this subject. He desperately needs it - his attention at school is null. He's got 123 IQ and I want him to be able to finish high school.

Anyone have any advice ?

How rigid are rigid kids? We've always been so soft on him. He's a computer nut and that plus minecraft and posting youtube videos on how to play minecraft are his obessions. We're thinking of taking away his computer privileges (which we was overdosing on anyway).

I don't know much about the med issue or how to convince your son to use them if he is scared of the side effects, or even if that is a good idea. To my mind, he is old enough to have input on his meds. Maybe have a talk with him about the reasons he is on the meds what the probabilities are for the various side effects (maybe he is over-estimating that?) and talk to him about the differences in his academic performance on and off them and discuss how this might effect his future. Since he is already off his meds, maybe you could see if you can try some non-med alternatives for increasing focus and see if they help any? If they don't work, then you could revisit the conversation.

As far as rigidity goes, it depends on the kid, I think. My son is younger than yours but also rigid. He does not change his mind readily once he has made it, but he does respond increasingly better to logic as he ages and becomes more mature. Some things stick, regardless, though. He is more rigid than I am, but I was not terribly flexible, now that I think about it, when it came to certain ideas. I don't think it would have been easy to convince me to take meds if I was convinced they would cause my mind long-term damage.

I am not sure why you would take computer privileges away for this. Maybe I am misunderstanding you and it is to help him with his focus? If so, then I would tell him in your conversation, that you feel that moderating computer use would be a non-medication way to help him with focus. I would not take all the privileges away (Note: I have a bias here b/c I am a very pro-computer person and not at all anti-screen) but would tell him at first that he needs to moderate it and make sure he does his homework and that you may have to cut it down or eliminate it, last resor,t if he cannot focus enough to do his work.

Hi ASD Mommy, thanks for your answer.
Well, yes, he does have to cut down on computers. We've been too lazy this year in the controlling of the hours he spends on it. But we are using it now as a way for him to choose - medicine or computer. His psychologist is encouraging us on this.

I have read good things about this type of anphetamine, that at this age where the executive function is developing that it can actually change the structure of the brain to resemble a brain without those deficits. I want to do everything i can for him. Now that the window of opportunity is open before it closes. If he wants to be a programmer, he's got to study. And take notes in class and listen in class. His dream is to program. If I don't push him to work on his behalf and take medicines that are proven to work, then what kind of a mother am I ?

Don't give your son speed unless you want to ruin his life and that 123 IQ.

Ok, I'm speaking for myself, here.

If I were that age again, I would definitely want to be able to decide what medications to take, especially those that would impact my mental functioning. If your son is indeed that intelligent, then he likely had the capacity to read and understand the information that is out there.

Perhaps you could share your own research, and logically compare the results of your research and his to come to a mutual decision.

I have a gifted child not many years younger than yours, and I would definitely take into consideration my child's wishes when it comes to medications, especially at that age.

If your son's fears are irrational, then it is a more complicated matter. But I would first seriously consider his opinions before deciding that he's being irrational, and try to treat him as an equal, not just a kid.

OK, Seagull, then how do you suggest i help him with his severe attention deficit.? What about his future? Wev'e got priate tutors coming to the house for everytthing, my husband helps him in physics and and math. i tutor him in english (we live in spain) we both sit with him to memorize biology, social studies, and what we get is a red-eyed bleary sleepy look ad lots of yawning i m e- mailing every day with one teacher or the other... I've got a whatsapp group of his closest friends so i can ask them what homework he's got to turn in , when is the exam, send me a photo of your class notes, etc. and in this country of high unemployment i just want him to live lhis dream of getting a job as a programmer.

I think there's some research about the way mindfulness meditation, regular exercise, diet can make a difference? Also, I believe there might be biofeedback possibilities too?

Yes, I looked into biofeedback but this is Spain. there are some places but I would not be too sure they know what they'r doing. And the benefits are not clear. not back up by solid evidence. I myself practice TM since 1993 and wish my kids would but they don't want to. I've tried to give them an idea of how the mantra works, but it's quite expensive here in Madrid and my son doesn't want to. Same with mindfulness. Yes, he does need to do some exercise. It's not too difficult since we live near a bike path. But i've got to get him off his ass, which i'll just have to do.d

I still dont see the problem with the medication. He's a kid, and his ill-informed searches are destroying the possibility of his having some easier time at passing his subjects and feeling the pride of succedding without spending so much time trying to recover at home what he didnt get at school.

I started the mindfulness with an app on the phone. That was a good way for me. And it has made a difference.

If your son is determined enough to want to preserve himself from the bad effects of the meds, and determined
enough to research them, he might also be determined enough to look for the alternatives that could help and to put them into practice.

I wish he was like that, but he doesn't research that stuff. He's very immature. He's 15 but more like 11 or 12.

The problem is that he's only got one life and I've got one chance to help him have a good life. I fear he'll end up in a dark room with a computer all by himself. That leads to depression. Why would these meds not be worth a try to help him finish his studies so he can get the job he wants and create. Which is what he wants to do. He's been going to robotics class for teens for 2 years now and he's great at it. But here in spain if you dont have official degrees you're nothing. So he's got to finish high school (he's already asked if he can take a year off because he's so burnt out) and then do a 2 year computer programming course.

We can't give up. His life is in our hands.

Temple grandin has a new book out which i havent read yet called i think The Soft Push, which is about getting tough and helping young aspies get motivated and doing something with their lives. Ill have to read it - I think its about real people's stories of how their families helped them to motivate themselves and get moving. Look, he can live with me til I die, but what happens next?

It'd have actually spared me a great deal of grief if my parents hadn't insisted on making their every choice look reasonable, twisting logic as needed and filling my head with all sorts of poisonous rules about how everything should be done in order to reach the conclusions they whimsically chose. Much better to say simply, "This is what we're going to do, no matter the consequences, because we want to and you have no choice but to suffer it. In fact, we're aware it'll harm your brain and destroy your chances of doing great things in life that other kids with parents who actually care to give them the best possible opportunities will enjoy, but we don't give a crap. And you'd better be happy and grateful, because we can always make it worse and have every right to. One day you will really appreciate our honesty".

Try removing wheat from his diet

You know what's a stimulant that doesn't rot your brain? Coffee. It's what homeopaths prescribe for ADHD. It has other health benefits, too--try getting your son to google it.

Your son has a human right to self-determination when it comes to his own mental health, especially when it comes to taking mind-altering drugs. It's not rigidity, it's a legitimate exercise of his own choice.

Coffee is a great antioxidant. Caffeine has its problems, but is a milder form of ADHD medications. If your son's only medication is for ADHD, natural supplements like St. John's Wort and Ginkgo biloba could be a useful substitute. If there are other medications involved, however, certain supplements (like St. John's Wort) could interfere with those medications.

Do a little research on your own, and then check with his physician (or yours).

If these options don't help, ask the prescribing physician to prescribe only the lowest possible dosage. That would be a way to satisfy both your son and the physician.

Good luck.

Not sure where to start,

As a parent,

A. Giving amphetamine derivatives to a growing teenager unless the situation is so dire that the risk of possible brain development is an acceptable trade off, is and should be off the table.

B. These medications can be completely replaced for the most part with actually training

There are two types of focus. The kind that is specific and the kind that is more like a free flowing idea state. They use different parts of the brain. Focusing using the first kind makes it easy to do menial tasks, harder to be creative.

I suppose there is no point giving advice as to what should be done. Ideally, you have a time machine and could research all this stuff and not potentially crippling a child's potential. You should of read the manual.

You want him to be programmer, then let him program.
You want him to go outside, show studies how exercise. Increases brain health
You wAnt him to do anything, show the evidence.

He doesn't sound that rigid, he sounds like I felt as a kid. Different, surrounded by people that seem to just hold you back.

The fact that you have no idea about the medication, a cursory search would take less than an hour...

If only your play time could be moderated for being a mediocre parent.