Why do schools refuse to believe the kid doesn't do it at ho

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home is supposed to be the word in the title but it cut off.


I have noticed online and in real life through personal experience that when a kid acts a certain way in school, teachers refuse to believe the kid doesn't act that way at home. Like if a kid acts good in school, they refuse to believe the kid acts defiant at home and is screaming and being aggressive because why would they want to believe it when the kid is an angel in school?

When I was a kid, I was mimicking kids in my special ed class which was in a self contained classroom. When my parents wanted to get me out of there, the teachers there thought I still needed to be in that class. It was based on the way I acted there and they wouldn't believe my parents when they told them 'She doesn't do this at home' so my mom had to prove to them I didn't belong in that class by forcing them to test me. They also thought I was slow too so they refused to believe what I already knew how to do and what I already knew. my mom said it was very hard getting me out of that class but the teacher who worked in that classroom as an aide believed my mother finally and said 'I think you may be right about your daughter not belonging in that classroom" so she recommended a class to my mother she can take that told her about what the laws were and her rights as a parent. I think the teacher came to my moms side because she had gone to my homeroom class with another student as an aide and she had seen how different I would act in that class so she knew I could control my behavior and could do better in mainstream than in self contained classroom because it was only holding me back. Now if only parents could get teachers to come to their house to see how the kid really acts to prove to them the kid does have problems or doesn't have these issues they show at school or why not plant hidden cameras all over the home and have the cameras run 24/7 and then show the school you know. I don't think they had this technology then in the early 90's but I know they had cameras then. Security cameras.

Now with my son, they think he has an ASD but I have told them, he doesn't act this way at home. He doesn't have this trouble at home. Same results. Even my mom has told them it's anxiety he is having and social anxiety and still the same results. So that is why he is going to be professionally assessed. I think the only person who has only listened was the head person of the school district for early childhood and she was real open minded and sympathetic but she said she also had a kid on an IEP so she understands how hard and stressful this all is. She said she would share what my mother told her with the school district and guess what? Same results. I am not going to keep arguing with them about it so I decided to just wait for the assessment by the professionals and then get the results and then go from there.

So why is it that teachers and staff think how a kid acts in school, that is how they act all the time rather than in that environment only? Is it because there are parents out there who are so bias about their children, they can't see their kid's disability so schools are left jaded to believe any parent who makes these claims about their kids?

Honestly, I think it depends on whether the assumption helps the school in not.

When i took my son in to the son into the school district to be assessed, they initially told me that more often than not they utilize video tape in the home environment to ascertain what goes on at home if they see autistic behaviors to make sure it is not just that they are nervous or disoriented, being in an unfamiliar place. In our case, there was no need because he was sufficiently presenting/affected that it was very clear he would need supports in a school environment and they had no doubts he behaved in a similar fashion elsewhere, including home. But evidently, if they think they can save the time, trouble and money in giving a diagnosis by assessing in the home environment, they will do this.

In contrast, once he was enrolled, when he was acting out in school because of school stressors he could not handle, they absolutely would not believe he did not behave that way at home. (My son is a single child and we scaffold the heck out of everything, so he did behave much better once home b/c no kids were in his space and sensory issues and rigidity was managed) The reason was, that they did not want to have to modify anything further there, and if they could claim it was a global issue, they would have a better shot of blaming us for doing things "wrong" or admitting many (not all) of our issues had to dow ith problems they were not attending to or were in fact creating themselves.

TL:DR

I think schools say whatever they think will benefit them, and they ignore any evidence that contradicts what they want to say is the truth or points blame towards them

Partly it's probably selfish, as ASDMommyASDKid pointed out. But as a psych major I can tell you there's a well established pattern where if you don't know a person as well, you'll overestimate how much of their behavior is character and underestimate situational effects relative to someone who knows them better. So as a parent who's seen your son in many contexts you know that he only acts like that at school (or in other specific situations), but if you'd only seen him in one situation, it's psychologically very difficult to take into account that their behavior in that situation could be atypical.

It seems to me that the trigger for the acting out may be in school itself. Find the trigger and it can be dealt with.

I am aware he is having trouble in school. I am not overlooking it or denying it or saying it's normal or else other kids in his class would be the exact same way. I take their word for it but I was just informing them he doesn't do this at home because autism is consistent, it can't happen in one situation. So that is why his pediatrician said it's anxiety. And anxiety can come and go and be situational. Autism isn't. Sure I have seen other autistic people and they seemed fine to me but I am only seeing them in one situation. I don't see them 24/7 so I wouldn't see their autism.

If I thought they were thinking this out, I would guess that maybe they link anxiety to possible autism since it is a common co-morbidity. I don't know if that is what they are doing, but I know they do heavily weight things that correlate with autism.

I know they also ask questions about parent's jobs and if you answer something that they associate with the spectrum or the fringes like computer programming, they nod and have an "a aha" look, you know? I am sure they have statistical reasons for it but I don't think it is objectively scientific. The correlation ends up being a self-fulfilling prophesy because if they use correlations as an actual factor that means kids are more likely to be diagnosed if they have these correlations. So boys with computer programmer parents will end up with more diagnoses than girls with parents with marketing degrees, even if they are both as autistic.

Well we took our son to his assessment and it was only an interview. The doctor just thought my son is just immature, that was his diagnoses (Not a rela one of course since immaturity isn't a medical condition). I also found out that it was only two visits the school district did. I assumed they were the same people that worked with my son in school all the time and were the ones that tested him and did the school diagnoses. So those two visits meant jack squat because he could have just been having a bad day and they didn't go in for a month to observe him to see if his behavior was consistent than a one time thing. So I have no clue anymore how accurate his report is and if any of it is true or just a one time thing he did. But the doctor told us to just leave it alone for now because it will be too difficult to fight it and because he is going into kindergarten and transitioning and she thinks everything will be fine and the teaches will be seeing my son everyday and getting to know him and see the real him. I then figured they will eventually think "This kid is no way autistic" and treat him as him instead of the label. We'll just use the label right now for the help he needs and maybe later down the road he will get a medical diagnoses and his category will change to other health impaired the doctor thinks. She also thought he was a mixed (ADHD and ASD) but thought neither of them fit. But because he is five, I don't think she felt comfortable giving him a diagnoses and said he is just immature. Most doctors won't diagnose ADHD in kids under age seven. Plus my mom was there so if I were there alone, my son might have gotten the ADHD diagnoses. But she said she will do a follow up in the fall to see how things are going with him so she will have one of the nurses call us in September to schedule an appointment for October.