Help with letting things go

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My 6 year old son has the hardest time letting things go but only with specific kids. For instance. We had a play date with another aspie kid today. He broke a rule (in my sons mind) and my son got angry. I helped distract him and we continued to play in the pool. We got out and they played connect four. After my son had just won the game, his friend put in a last peice and claimed he too had 4 in a row. My son lost it and was out of control angry, telling him he had won first and he was cheating. He made a huge scene. We are working with a behaviorist and explaining how he can react to sitauations big deal little deal etc.... also talking about if this occurs your plan a is to handle it this way and plan b is to handle it this way etc....my question is will this EVER get easier for him???

This was a very hard age for us too. In our case it got a lot easier. 6-8 was very hard. She has grown into her own skin a lot more now, is really confident, knows and understands more about her brain, how it works, how she can make it work better to her advantage, when she is getting overloaded, what coping strategies to utilise. Also, other kids grow too. They understand things better, they adjust better, they are more ready to understand quirks and differences. I can't promise you, but I do think it will get easier with time as long as you keep giving room for your child to develop good coping strategies. It sound like you are doing just that.

You can try for one million times, you can teach your son all you want, and it will not get easier for him. Ha ha.

It will not get easier for him because you and your behaviorist are trying to solve the problem at a wrong time.

See, the thing is, is not what you do when the children are mad. It's what you have not done when the children are happy.

I have talked about this topic many times in the forum. There is a reason why my two children are always happy and smiling, every day. Do I sound annoying? Ha ha. That doesn't change the fact that my two children are always happy and smiling, darlings to everyone around them. Facts are facts. And the fact is: I have always been able to remove each type of tantrum from my children, preventing them from re-occurring, for good. Tantrums are perfectly fine the first time: they are sovereign expressions. What we don't want is the same type of tantrum occurring again and again.

Take a look at: http://www.eikonabridge.com/fun_and_facts.pdf

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This approach is no different from what large corporations do out there. Big companies often organize "off-sites" or "team building events," where employees get to have fun together. However, these companies also take these opportunities to talk about the most difficult personnel issues, and get everybody aligned towards a common goal. Same idea. It's been known for the longest time.

^^ Yes in many ways Jason is right. We made sure we got lots of one on one time doing fun stuff together and it is often during something totally different - driving home from the opera (one of my daughter's special interests is opera) or when giggling at something eating sushi by ourselves without her dad and little sister (who doesn't like sushi!) that we have found times to have really good and valuable conversations about stuff. I am also extremely honest with my daughter. I talk about the things that I find hard, how I try to overcome them, and when I can't. She feels I get her, well at least she says so, and I totally feel she gets me. That is the cornerstone of everything really.

My attitude has always been to prioritise mental health over everything else, since I found out it is ASC I feel entirely validated continuing on that path. What good is it is you have perfect table manners, if you have anxiety about food. What good is it that you can perform best at maths, if you feel awful about making mistakes... Mental health always comes first, I feel everything else can follow.... and it often does.