Kindergarten Prep - Suggestions Please.

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Hello all,

I'm a parent of my 4-yr old son who has been diagnosed with Autism. He has been receiving therapy and services for a little while now but my wife and I have concerns about the transition to Kindergarten in a predominately neurotypical classroom setting. I'm looking for advice, suggestions, tips, what to look out for, how to prepare, etc. I'm new to this site and this forum so please bear with me.

Thank you so much.

A bit more about your son - how is he functioning? What does he like to do? What are his strengths?
About the services - what kind of services / therapies has your son been receiving? For how long? How did he react to them?

A bit more about your son - how is he functioning? He is high functioning, able to follow commands when stated slowly What does he like to do? He likes learning, numbers, letters, reading, writing, drawing, playing outsideWhat are his strengths?Strengths - some of the aforementioned but he is a kind boy, behaves well, loves to learn, picks things up pretty fast, reads, writes, also social, etc.
About the services - what kind of services / therapies has your son been receiving? He has been receiving therapy since a little before he turned 3-yrs old. A bit long to explain but they work with any issues that we the family would like to work on with him. It's a private company. For how long? It's been a little over a year almost 2 years with company How did he react to them? He likes the staff and the therapy a lot, he has developed so much because of it.

"Functioning" as "following commands"? Well...
A bit secretive, aren't we? If everything is so perfect, what do you fear?

"Functioning" as "following commands"? Well...Well-ish, oft times have to repeat command to get him to do it.

A bit secretive, aren't we? Oh well partly bc I'm at work so I am trying to type covertly and quickly also I'm new to actually forums of such a personal nature so I want to be careful as to what I reveal. I can share the company with you privately.

If everything is so perfect, what do you fear? Well I'm sure I have some parent bias in there but I'm concerned for what I don't know. What I need to look out for so that I can prepare myself and him now instead of wait when it's too late. I'm concerned about the transition, he will be going from Special education and controlled environments to neurotypical environments w less specialized care so to speak

I meant "functioning" is waaaaaay more than ability to follow orders, isn't it?

Focus on your work for now We tend to ask uncomfortable questions here, better be able to handle them with your full focus.

If you are unable to homeschool. you will have to deal with the slings and arrows of what can be outrageous fortune. A school or even teacher may have a sincere desire to provide individualized attention. However, the reality is that the teacher will never be able to consistently provide the care and attention that a parent would because they have multiple charges and divided attention.

As a result, your child will encounter a variety of social situations that can range from indifference to cruelty.

One advantage children the age of your son have is that they can be oblivious to many social encounters. However, as children age, they begin to recognize unpleasant encounters at about the same age they are less inclined to share those encounters with their parents.

You might have some success getting you child to share his daily experiences with you so that you might be able to help him cope should he encounter difficulty/ However, it is often after the fact and sometimes there is not much advice one can give to deal with difficult situations. However, starting at this age may establish a pattern of communication that may not be completely shut down by 3rd or 4th grade.

Raw and real. But I need to hear this. Thanks.

One approach is to identify some children who will be his classmates and before school begins allow your son to interact with them and try to build a friendship. The transition to school can be very stressful and having one friend in the school means that he will not be totally alone.

This is a mutual concern for many parents both AS and NTs alike. So parents arranging playtime for their preschool children is a very beneficial approach.

Get an IEP (individualized education program) in place before he starts, if possible. In our sticky note section we have discussions of what should be included on one.

Prepare the teachers by giving them insights into your son's patterns and needs.

I strongly favor having an escape clause, a pre-determined way for your son to exit the room and find a safe place when he needs to. The sensory overload and unpredictable actions by other children are going to make melt downs inevitable. The more you can have an action plan in place before the first one, the easier it will be on everyone.

I also like the idea of finding him a friend before school starts.

After school starts, try to make a practice of checking in with the teachers to see how the day has gone from their perspective. Plan to do situational autopsies with your son to help him learn to see the transactions of the day from perspectives other than his own, and to help you identify areas of concern that may need additional work. Constant dialogue can be very important to helping an ASD child function in an NT world, whether it be through stories or drawings (as visual thinkers, many ASD individuals communicate better with the later).

Be ready to have an increase in issues at home. Many ASD kids can suppress their stress during a school day, but will have to release it after. You may see more overload from things that did not use to affect him, meltdowns, efforts to control, etc. Make home a safe place so that he can release in the way he needs to, just as long as his methods to de-stress are relatively safe.

You may have noticed that I'm emphasizing preparing the world around him more than providing you things to work on with him. That is because there is only so fast he is going to learn new skills; you can't expect him to be fully ready no matter how much you try. He is going to have sensory issues. He is going to get overwhelmed. He is going to have conflicts with other children. Once in the situation you should be able to see where the largest needs are, and then focus in on dealing with the priority item first. Everything is a long, slow process, and no two ASD children are exactly alike.

The effort is worth it, but it isn't easy or cookie cutter. Pay attention to your child. Help him navigate the complex world he is about to enter into as the situations arise.

It wasn't until my son was in 8th grade that I felt we have crossed most of the bridges we needed to. For some it is later. This is a process that involves constant communication and adjustment. We have amazing kids, but raising them takes focused work and attention. Good luck.

Apologies for the delay in my response...
[i]One advantage children the age of your son have is that they can be oblivious to many social encounters. However, as children age, they begin to recognize unpleasant encounters at about the same age they are less inclined to share those encounters with their parents.

You might have some success getting you child to share his daily experiences with you so that you might be able to help him cope should he encounter difficulty/ However, it is often after the fact and sometimes there is not much advice one can give to deal with difficult situations. However, starting at this age may establish a pattern of communication that may not be completely shut down by 3rd or 4th grade.
[/i]
This was very tough to read but it is a reality. It seems that this is an experience you shared. Was / is there any positive results or tips that you learned that I could use to balance this challenge?

One approach is to identify some children who will be his classmates and before school begins allow your son to interact with them and try to build a friendship. The transition to school can be very stressful and having one friend in the school means that he will not be totally alone.

This is a mutual concern for many parents both AS and NTs alike. So parents arranging playtime for their preschool children is a very beneficial approach.

Thank you for this approach. My wife and I are working on this as we communicate here; however, things are proving a bit difficult as we do not have any idea who will be his teacher nor who will be in his class until shortly before school starts.

Apologies for the delay in my response...and thank you for yours.

My responses in-line.

Get an IEP (individualized education program) in place before he starts, if possible. In our sticky note section we have discussions of what should be included on one.

Yes, we currently have an IEP. I'm still new here so I need to familiarize myself to where I can find the "Sticky Note Section."

Prepare the teachers by giving them insights into your son's patterns and needs.
So far he is in a pre-pre-K type program that provides classes for children with ASD. In these classes the student child ratio is about 1:2, there are teachers along with teacher aides. It's the transition into "typical" kindergarten that I am concerned about. Because there will be a stark change in the classroom set-up. There will no longer be that 1:2 Teacher / student ratio. Although my son is progressing very well in his current classroom set-up and he enjoys learning, I'm afraid that the change in support and the transition may have a negative impact.

I strongly favor having an escape clause, a pre-determined way for your son to exit the room and find a safe place when he needs to. The sensory overload and unpredictable actions by other children are going to make melt downs inevitable. The more you can have an action plan in place before the first one, the easier it will be on everyone.
Yes I agree with you.

I also like the idea of finding him a friend before school starts.
Yes I agree with this also. He has some friends now but finding one that will be in his class will prove difficult as we won't be notified of a teacher nor classroom until a few days before the start of school.

After school starts, try to make a practice of checking in with the teachers to see how the day has gone from their perspective. Plan to do situational autopsies with your son to help him learn to see the transactions of the day from perspectives other than his own, and to help you identify areas of concern that may need additional work. Constant dialogue can be very important to helping an ASD child function in an NT world, whether it be through stories or drawings (as visual thinkers, many ASD individuals communicate better with the later).
I like this.

Be ready to have an increase in issues at home. Many ASD kids can suppress their stress during a school day, but will have to release it after. You may see more overload from things that did not use to affect him, meltdowns, efforts to control, etc. Make home a safe place so that he can release in the way he needs to, just as long as his methods to de-stress are relatively safe.
I've heard this before. And this breaks my heart, not so much for how it will affect me in dealing with his issues but moreso him having to supress stressors and not being able to manage them in real time. I don't want him to feel anything less than anyone else. I know kids can be cruel. It's tough enough for a NT let alone someone on the spectrum.

You may have noticed that I'm emphasizing preparing the world around him more than providing you things to work on with him. That is because there is only so fast he is going to learn new skills; you can't expect him to be fully ready no matter how much you try. He is going to have sensory issues. He is going to get overwhelmed. He is going to have conflicts with other children. Once in the situation you should be able to see where the largest needs are, and then focus in on dealing with the priority item first. Everything is a long, slow process, and no two ASD children are exactly alike.
Yes. Thank you for your honesty

The effort is worth it, but it isn't easy or cookie cutter. Pay attention to your child. Help him navigate the complex world he is about to enter into as the situations arise.
Yes.

It wasn't until my son was in 8th grade that I felt we have crossed most of the bridges we needed to. For some it is later. This is a process that involves constant communication and adjustment. We have amazing kids, but raising them takes focused work and attention. Good luck.
Amazing feedback, Thank you.

We also have a daughter that is NT as far as we know. Congratulations to your son graduating from University. That is an amazing feat. I'm tearing up over here. We would like that opportunity for our son as well. Thank you for providing hope.


_________________
Mom to an amazing AS son, who recently graduated from the university (plus an also amazing non-AS daughter). Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).

Thank you on the congratulations. Finding a career job is proving a little more difficult for my son but I have confidence he will great there. Meanwhile, he's been working on creating a new app. I'm looking forward to getting to test it.

I do hope my suggestions will help. It's a long road and the outcome is unknowable, but you hang in there. Stay focused on your unique child and what his unique needs are. There are many different ways for people to thrive; don't be afraid to let boxes break.


_________________
Mom to an amazing AS son, who recently graduated from the university (plus an also amazing non-AS daughter). Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).[/i][/quote]

I forgot to clarify: stickies are the threads that appear at the top of the forum. They stay on top even when there is no current activity because they've been "stuck" to the top.

Thank you again for all the love and support and honesty.