What do you think about corporal punishment of disobedient.?

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In my opinion corporal punishment should be?
Poll ended at 20 Nov 2019, 1:07 am
It's wrong and should be completely banned 58%  58%  [ 14 ]
It's Should be legit, some kids need it 25%  25%  [ 6 ]
It's should be legal, but only in rare situation 17%  17%  [ 4 ]
Total votes : 24

pawelk1986
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24 May 2019, 1:07 am

What do you think about corporal punishment of disobedient children?

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/inde ... 020AAKYRFc

Quote:
Do you think this should be acceptable in some cases.

I'm Polish, I'm 33, I have Asperger Syndrome, my parents were very cool, my mother probably gave me a gentle spanking once or twice, in my entire life, she died in 2016 and my father who died in 2002 probably also gave me a small one spanking, which I hardly remember, dad was nervous, mom suspected that he also might also had Asperger ;-)
But in communist Poland, as well as the capitalist west, this was not yet considered a disease at that time.

My older brother has two older daughters who are 21 and are currently studying architecture at a public university (that is for free) and a 15 year old who is in high school.
My brother probably never beat them, and if it's probably only gently, because our parents have abhorred corporal punishment, although my mother gave my brother a belt spanking, for 5 times in a row he lost the key to the house, but she had remorse after that :-(

The older daughter is excellent student, but the younger one who is 15 is little devil she is short even for girl, very vivid and stubborn ;-)
For example disobeying her dad (my bro) and go in places without my bro consent, or doing to place where he forbidden her to go, but she is good student too

My brother is afraid that she might get disciplinary fire from job when she start career.

My brother said that sometime he want spank her, but he restrain himself because not like Spanking as punishment the same way as our parents.
Update: I said that it is good that he does not do it considering that since 2014, corporal punishment towards a child is a crime that is punishable by a fine and / or up to 3 years imprisonment.

And even if my daughter did not go to the police to complain, it would only be enough to tell her friend, and this to someone else, and then it will happen to someone who does not like my brother, and then the police will do ii home invasion, and Polish Police is not known for being gentle :-)
Update 2: Some say that Police is the last bastion of communism in Poland due to their mentality, and my compatriot like to make reports ion people them not like.

Anyway, at the end of the year, people send hundreds of thousands of denunciations to our Polish tax office that their neighbor has too much money, so he has certainly concealed his income in his annual tax return xD
Update 3: As for my brother's younger daughter, I remember once how my brother probably joked that he more he pissed off that she lied to him, that he's pissed that she cannot go with a convincing lie:-) what a Pole that cannot tell a good lie to an authority figure :mrgreen:



TwilightPrincess
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24 May 2019, 8:03 am

I’m squarely against corporal punishment. It just doesn’t make moral or psychological sense.

I was spanked a lot as a kid. I thought it was wrong at the time, and I think it would be wrong to do to my own kid now.

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/11/05/heal ... cians.html

Parenting books are a good investment as well as learning about what behaviors are developmentally appropriate at which ages. Sometimes parents expect more out of kids than they are developmentally capable of.

Knowledge is power.

I bet this topic would get more responses in PPR.

Edited to add: it’s also too difficult to regulate. Where’s the cutoff point for when corporal “punishment” is actually abuse? It’s smarter to use other forms of punishment, so we can protect more kids.


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magz
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24 May 2019, 8:56 am

I once read a book that advocated for giving up punishments and rewards at all.
I'm not totally convinced for the author's opinions but in the preface, they asked one great question for any parent:

What kind of person do you want your kid to become as an adult?

I asked myself this question. My honest answer was:
I want my kids to be courageous and responsible, using their own minds and their own consciences.
It explained my parenting to me. I never demanded obedience and my children are not used to being given orders - because I have always wanted them to learn to make decisions for themselves.
They don't show problematic agressive behaviors that would need to be regulated. When safety is the issue, I explain the risks and the rules to avoid them. As for now, it works. I'm curious myself what will they say 30 years from now.


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timf
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24 May 2019, 9:17 am

It might not be a bad idea for children to learn to avoid negative consequences for poor choices.

Otherwise these lessons may be learned later in life with much more pain.



magz
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24 May 2019, 9:28 am

timf wrote:
It might not be a bad idea for children to learn to avoid negative consequences for poor choices.

Otherwise these lessons may be learned later in life with much more pain.

Sure, that's why I'm against shielding children from natural consequences of their choices.

When my toddler daughter wanted to go outside in the winter without her coat, I let her. When she felt the cold, she understood what she needs her coat for.

But the consequences need to be natural, not imposed. Imposing consequences is just another word for punishment. The worst natural consequence is - I might stop trusting you. In my experience, it's really powerful.


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pawelk1986
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24 May 2019, 11:13 am

Twilightprincess wrote:
I’m squarely against corporal punishment. It just doesn’t make moral or psychological sense.

I was spanked a lot as a kid. I thought it was wrong at the time, and I think it would be wrong to do to my own kid now.

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/11/05/heal ... cians.html

Parenting books are a good investment as well as learning about what behaviors are developmentally appropriate at which ages. Sometimes parents expect more out of kids than they are developmentally capable of.

Knowledge is power.

I bet this topic would get more responses in PPR.

Edited to add: it’s also too difficult to regulate. Where’s the cutoff point for when corporal “punishment” is actually abuse? It’s smarter to use other forms of punishment, so we can protect more kids.


PPR?



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24 May 2019, 11:37 am

My mums ex boyfriend was into corporal punishment.

He once said I could use his drum kit at any time ( I was 9 ) , so I did. He went apeshit on me because I didn't put the bass drum stands down on his already set up kit. He beat the s**t out out of me for this. His corporal punishment stopped the day I pulled a knife on him.

I am dead against corporal punishment.


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TwilightPrincess
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24 May 2019, 12:11 pm

SaveFerris wrote:
My mums ex boyfriend was into corporal punishment.

He once said I could use his drum kit at any time ( I was 9 ) , so I did. He went apeshit on me because I didn't put the bass drum stands down on his already set up kit. He beat the s**t out out of me for this. His corporal punishment stopped the day I pulled a knife on him.

I am dead against corporal punishment.


That’s horrible!

My experiences aren’t anywhere near that bad. My parents are decent people who were just doing what they believed to be right, but they left welts sometimes, and I knew that that couldn’t be right no matter what the speakers in my church encouraged.

Intentionally causing a child pain can’t be good for the child or the person inflicting such a punishment. It makes no sense when one thinks seriously about it.


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SaveFerris
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24 May 2019, 12:16 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
SaveFerris wrote:
My mums ex boyfriend was into corporal punishment.

He once said I could use his drum kit at any time ( I was 9 ) , so I did. He went apeshit on me because I didn't put the bass drum stands down on his already set up kit. He beat the s**t out out of me for this. His corporal punishment stopped the day I pulled a knife on him.

I am dead against corporal punishment.


That’s horrible!

My experiences aren’t anywhere near that bad. My parents are decent people who were just doing what they believed to be right, but they left welts sometimes, and I knew that that couldn’t be right no matter what the speakers in my church encouraged.

Intentionally causing a child pain can’t be good for the child or the person inflicting such a punishment. It makes no sense when one thinks seriously about it.


Don't get me wrong , my mum is great and apart from a few incidents my child life was good and not the typical story you read about here - I count myself one of the lucky ones.

Unfortunately I have the type of brain that is easily traumatised so a few incidents is all it took to shape me.


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timf
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24 May 2019, 1:19 pm

But the consequences need to be natural, not imposed.

What is the natural consequence for running out into the street without looking both ways?



magz
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24 May 2019, 1:41 pm

timf wrote:
But the consequences need to be natural, not imposed.

What is the natural consequence for running out into the street without looking both ways?

magz wrote:
When safety is the issue, I explain the risks and the rules to avoid them. As for now, it works.

From my previous post.

So I explain the natural consequences. I needed to grab the kids by hood several times before they learned it. Now they are 6 and 7 and they keep to our agreed safety rules, not only about street crossing.
Do you really believe a punishment would change anything for any better?


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pawelk1986
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24 May 2019, 2:04 pm

magz wrote:
I once read a book that advocated for giving up punishments and rewards at all.
I'm not totally convinced for the author's opinions but in the preface, they asked one great question for any parent:

What kind of person do you want your kid to become as an adult?

I asked myself this question. My honest answer was:
I want my kids to be courageous and responsible, using their own minds and their own consciences.
It explained my parenting to me. I never demanded obedience and my children are not used to being given orders - because I have always wanted them to learn to make decisions for themselves.
They don't show problematic agressive behaviors that would need to be regulated. When safety is the issue, I explain the risks and the rules to avoid them. As for now, it works. I'm curious myself what will they say 30 years from now.


That so cool, I see you're Polish like me :D
What do you think about anti-spanking bill promulgated be our Sejm (Parlament) in 2010 does is good?



magz
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24 May 2019, 2:12 pm

pawelk1986 wrote:
magz wrote:
I once read a book that advocated for giving up punishments and rewards at all.
I'm not totally convinced for the author's opinions but in the preface, they asked one great question for any parent:

What kind of person do you want your kid to become as an adult?

I asked myself this question. My honest answer was:
I want my kids to be courageous and responsible, using their own minds and their own consciences.
It explained my parenting to me. I never demanded obedience and my children are not used to being given orders - because I have always wanted them to learn to make decisions for themselves.
They don't show problematic agressive behaviors that would need to be regulated. When safety is the issue, I explain the risks and the rules to avoid them. As for now, it works. I'm curious myself what will they say 30 years from now.


That so cool, I see you're Polish like me :D
What do you think about anti-spanking bill promulgated be our Sejm (Parlament) in 2010 does is good?

No, I don't think the bill helps - it only encourages more secrecy about it. You know our nation, we don't trust the state and we keep our law breaking to ourselves. Imagine spanking a child and then saying "don't tell anyone or daddy will go to prison". That's what I expect from the law.
I support anti-spanking campaigns if they promote other solutions but making spanking a crime is a huge misunderstanding.


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26 May 2019, 3:06 pm

I guess if a parent wants to make their child fear them for the rest of their life and cause PTSD and other mental issues, go right ahead.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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27 May 2019, 9:47 pm

Corporal punishment is wrong

But there is something wrong with everything

Entitled lil dipshits

Spoiled upper middle class brat from aikido

:roll:

Sometimes corporal punishment is the least wrong


:mrgreen:


Food as punishment and reward causes eating disorders



In theory, corporal punishment could be justified



But in practice, too many parents would be abusive




:mrgreen:



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28 May 2019, 12:15 am

Corporal punishment is lazy. It skips understanding why the child is being disobedient and figuring out what the core lesson the child needs to learn actually is. You can find millions of advocates for it, its as old as time, and some people want to blame all of societies ills on the lack of it, but studies have consistently shown that children who are subjected to corporal punishment are more likely to engage in criminal and other problematic behaviors as adults.

Simply put, it does not actually work better than the alternatives, despite all the advocates who believe it does.


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