AS and my family

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I found this forum by searching every combination of words relating to having undiagnosed AS family members I could come up with after maybe experiencing one of the worst years of my adult life.

Part of this included finding out yesterday the anonymous online stalker I've had - or at least started to notice - in maybe April this year is my youngest sister (30) whose AS has been misdiagnosed as all kinds of things, so she's been inadequately treated or supported for years, leading her to being so victimised and abused in away that's only believable if you've lived through some of the things I've read on this thread.

The other complications I was also experiencing in my life at the time become impossible to identify, let alone address and I stupidly reached out to my family despite the fact I'd stopped any communications or contact with them 4 years ago. Because I couldn't continue hearing from them about how any of the repetitive patterns in their lives which harmed others was never their fault or because they didn't forsee the consequence and didn't see it as their responsibility to inform themselves.

It's kinda been like leaving some kinda weird cult where 'they' are the good ones in this world - despite living in ways which continually harm and/or offend other people and are outright neglectful - and anyone with views or lifestyles even slightly different are bad.

There are so many things I've read in this forum that I've only started being able to articulate in the last 6 months - after a repeat performance of outrageously manipulative, damaging and abusive behaviour for being what they see as 'bad' when I reached out for help earlier this year.

They'd done exactly the same thing to me 30 years ago when I was a teen except this time it happened, I'd regained enough sense of myself as a person (because of the no contact and involvement with other non AS people) to understand the context of my situation should have and could have prompted an extremely different response or a number of responses to what they did.

The first actual real awareness I had my family was playing on a completely totally different playing field and even a different game to other families (in terms of dysfunction) was when I tried to get a social services worker 15 years ago to understand why giving my younger sisters 3 kids to my parents to raise really wasn't a good idea.

I could see from her body language there had either been something wrong in how I communicated what I was trying to say or the examples of daily living I provided at my parents house were just foreign to her since the behaviours I'd described (all AS I see now) made no sense and were so extreme in length to establish control.

I'd always wondered what caused my mother's lack of emotion and my father's crazy angry melt downs because they'd always been so consistent with it. My older sister has both lack of emotion, crazy angry melt downs, chronic self obsession and is a chronic over achiever. All see their emotions in other people too rather than feel them.

I really really started to wonder after I only learnt the natural process of learning and how to practice it just prior to cutting ties with my family 4 years ago. It was also about the same time I gained an understanding of how the bullying I'd experienced at school was often because I compulsively reported others to teachers for misbehaving just like my father did with everyone in our neighborhood to the Police. It made me and my siblings social lepers and bullying targets that both my parents had no appropriate response for as always.

I had begin to think if they weren't learning new behaviour, something medical could be happening.

I can see in myself some of the AS traits too and I have an MS diagnosis which affects my cognitive abilities. At times I'd thought about asking to be referred to a specialist regarding how I talk. I did have a chronic stutter as a kid.

It's weird too because I've known AS is a health issue in my father's family, who are estranged from him because of his behaviour, for a number of years and I can't explain why it's taken me so long to notice the seriousness of the health link.

It's given a lot of comfort reading that I'm not alone in what I've experienced and continue too.

I came here hoping for an answer regarding what to do about my stalker younger sister, because going to the police and having her charged is pointless if she is unable to learn from mistakes and it won't get her into the appropriate support system.

I guess my question on your younger sister is whether or not you fear she may actually try to do you harm.

If not, this may be her attempt to understand or connect with you, neither of which warrants police involvement, in my opinion. While she certainly is ignoring acceptable social boundaries, if she isn't actively threatening you, I would assume what she wants is a connection. That deserves some empathy, not police action.

It that is true, you have the opportunity to safely control the narrative by controlling what you share on social media and how much you let her know (or not know) about your awareness of her presence. Working with a counselor or similar third party professional could help you navigate crafting a narrative to project.

If she is actively threatening to harm you, it doesn't matter if she is capable of learning or not: you have a right to seek protection.

Your writing comes across a bit incoherent. MS does cause some autism-like manifestations, but, the underlying mechanism is somewhat different. MS causes myelination problems. I don't know about MS, but I do know about another condition that can cause myelination problems: hypothyroidism, particularly in the form of cretinism. Autism induced by myelination issues, is somewhat different from other forms of autism, which are often caused by overconnection of dendrites.

Most people here belong to the classical autism side of the spectrum, with prevalence rate of about 2%. MS, on the other hand, has a prevalence rate of 0.08%.

What I mean to say is, a lot of people don't think that autism is a health issue. You may have some other issues beside just autism. MS can be a more serious condition. Autism in general, not so much.

Since this is your first post, Welcome to Wrong Planet!

So you said "I came here hoping for an answer regarding what to do about my stalker younger sister, because going to the police and having her charged is pointless if she is unable to learn from mistakes and it won't get her into the appropriate support system."

So the first question is how is she stalking you. You said that you found out that the anonymous online stalker was your younger sister. That brings up the question, how does she know your online accounts since you haven't had any contact with your family for four years. In many types of online accounts, you can block a person or unfriend a person. This might be a potential solution. But then that also brings up the question, how do you know this anonymous stalker is your younger sister. I wonder if the online stalker may be someone masquerading as your younger sister.

So in terms of advise, I think the first step is to discuss this issue of stalking with your younger sister. Is she trying to reconnect? Is she threatening you and if so why? Is she totally clueless which may then lead you to the fact that the online stalker is not your younger sister but someone pretending to be your younger sister.