Baffling NT Children

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Neighborhood kids have been coming over and playing in my yard with my 8 year old ADHD son. I don't mind because I know they are all safe if they are here. My son is currently home schooled but he used to go to school with these kids.

But the more they are over here, the weirder they seem to me. One has ADHD and I think another may be intellectually delayed, but the rest seem to be NT (disclaimer-so am I). Most of them have terrible manners and situational awareness. I tell them over and over again to look before crossing the road and not to play in the yards or strangers or talk to strangers. They look at me like I'm nuts.

The girls are all 9-12 and they tried to talk to me about kid lesbians and bisexuals at their school. I said that's not okay- kids should not be into that at your age. Don't hang out with people who are talking like that to you. That's mean! said one of them. The others looked relieved. But why are they speaking about this with me, I am wondering? I can't image my son going up to another parent and talking about that.

Some of them have told me their grades in school. I was irritated to learn that the smarter ones are getting Ds and Fs and the dumb ones As and Bs. I suspect that the grades have more to do with race or economic status than anything else. All of these kids backtalk and disobey, so it can't be behavior. I keep hearing how liberal teachers are, but I am not sure if that is reflected in the kids' grades. But most kids who know my son are flabberghasted to learn how smart he is. Maybe it is like that for these other kids and I am misjudging them. But it bothers me. Some of them are clearly smart and I don't think they even know it.

Some of the parents have made no effort to find out where their kids are, and I know they cannot see them from their houses. I have been actively making an effort to get to know some of the moms better, but its not going anywhere so far.

Is this happening to anyone else? Kids wandering back in to social life with your kids and now it seems weird? Or does it work out normal? I would love to hear other experiences.

I believe part of the problem is a certain laxness towards discipline.

How can elementary-school aged kids not know that they shouldn't play in a neighbor's yard without permission? How can they not know to look both ways before crossing the street?

When I was a kid, we were allowed to go anywhere without supervision----as long as we followed basic rules like not going into neighbor's apartments or yards without permission, and being careful when crossing the street. If we violated those rules, we were grounded.

Teaching cannot go on while a class is unruly.

Your observations are sadly typical. Those who promote the filth and base character you observe are convinced of their "rightness" to the extent that they want to silence your objections. You might want to be cautious with whom you share your views.

Those of us who home school can see such a difference that it is remarkable that anyone still allows their children to attend public school unless circumstances do not allow it.

Someone once described a cycle of history as;

Hard times make good men
Good men make good times
Good times make weak men
Weak men make hard times

The word "bastard" is used to describe someone who is selfish, unprincipled, and undisciplined It originated with those raised with no father.

https://www.americanthinker.com/article ... tards.html

@SocOfAutism: Are you a member of the PTA?

How rude are you, to refer to children as "smart ones" and "dumb ones", act as if the "dumb ones" don't deserve their grades, and tell them who they can and can't hang out with (especially solely based on the sexuality of these other children)! I hope they tell their parents about your behaviour.

independence and lack of respect for authority

That's a lot to unpack, but I think the simplest way to approach all these questions is "my property, my rules," while ignoring the rest. Young kids act differently towards different adults, so there is no way to know how they act with their parents or with their teachers, and is unfair to assume anyone else sees what you see. I always fell back to "my property, my rules."

There aren't many neighborhoods left where kids are safe to wander; it reminds me of my own childhood. Hopefully it truly is safe where you are, and the other parents aren't just neglectful. Neighborhoods seem to develop their own standards, a kind of a group think, and letting the kids be more free range seems to be the standard of your neighborhood. If it makes you uncomfortable, you can start to gently bring it up with other families, but be careful to not be judgemental while doing so.

I would not share any personal opinions on sexuality with someone else's children; it's a minefield for different opinions and approaches, and by the time kids are 10-12 they can become walking hormones interested in little else, so "on my property, we don't speculate on someone else's sexuality," and "if you have questions, while I know it can be an uncomfortable topic at home, you really should be talking to your own parents about this."

As for school and grades, please don't make assumptions. Again, you don't know how these children behave with their teachers. What I will say, however, is that under the current system in the US, grades tend to be more a reflection of organizational skills and executive function than the ability to learn new material, so it isn't unusual for "normal" IQ kids to get better grades than higher IQ kids. Grades fall quickly as soon as one piece of homework isn't turned in. One of my son's grades tanked when he didn't turn in something he had done in class in front of the teacher! I spent hours and hours on that topic with teachers, principals, etc and it is definitely a pet peeve of mine, but I will also say this: when push comes to shove, this aspect of school reflects real life. Showing up and getting things turned in is an essential life skill. All the IQ in the world won't get you anywhere if you can't use it to complete a task or figure out how to communicate it in a socially desirable manner. Sometimes it is less "intelligent" kids that are more instinctively aware of this real life fact than the "smartest" ones.

Meanwhile, I DO encourage you to encourage the kids you think are bright. Reward the flashes of brilliance you see with them. Let them know the value of the gifts they do have. As you suggested, they may not be getting that feedback very often.

^^ Well said.

May I just add that in the busy suburbs where I live, I see quite a few people of all ages--even adults walking with their own children who seem oblivious to the risks they're taking crossing the street or walking in parking lots as if they're floating free among the clouds. When I'm walking, I'm afraid of drivers, but when I'm driving, I'm even more afraid of the walkers! I wish at least some of the traffic safety PSAs addressed how everyone needs to look both ways before crossing a street.

Kids take risks, often simply because they're kids; thankfully, most of us live long enough to look back and marvel at how lucky we were to survive!

To be fair, if you live in regional/rural areas then the neighborhoods are sufficiently well known to each other and neighbors keep an eye on the kids.

Even in inner city Melbourne, my sister lives in an upmarket but Bohemian part of Melbourne where the entire street knows each other by name and my nephew used to randomly walk into neighbors houses and shops when he was as young as 5 years old.

Well goodness. I didn't expect so many interesting replies. Now I wish I had checked back sooner.

I speak much more frankly here than I do in real life, but I do have a personal policy of never lying for any reason. That is because it is easy to lie and I am good at it. If someone asks my opinion in my own yard, I will reply truthfully. I bring my questions and concerns about things here to WP because you guys are the closest thing I have left to a group of friends.

I also suspect the parents are not making a point to drill these safety concerns into the minds of the kids. Our neighborhood is an artsy one, with pricey houses mixed in with low income apartments. There IS some property theft and fast driving. But I don't know. Maybe the parents are making an attempt and the kids are disobeying when they are out of the parents sight.

I do agree that little girls are prone to talk about such things as romance. But unless it's a problem, they don't need to bring me into the conversation. Girls gggling about romance with other girls is one thing, but then imagine a 45 year old woman giggling along with them. Now it's creepy.

There are definitely dumb ones and smart ones in life. Interesting that anyone here would be offended by that. I was so bothered by the smart little girl telling me about her bad grades that I walked to her house and asked her mom. Who is also NT. She confirmed that the girl is NT and gets bad grades despite seeming so smart and her son gets As despite having ADHD and having terrible behavior. She said she would collect some of the girl's schoolwork after it's graded and maybe she and I can figure it out.

None of these kids read books, most of them don't seem to watch TV, and I'm not sure what the movie watching situation is. Half of them play video games and the other half are not allowed/can't afford it. I keep asking if they are taking sports or some extra curricular classes but they always say no. I am not sure what they are doing with their spare time. I am truly confused by this. Maybe this is why they are wandering around?

The kids broke my son's $300 swing yesterday by spinning it too much. One of the moms saw it happen and said if it was her, she would bring the swing inside when other kids came over. I thought that was incredibly selfish and I had to mask my reaction to what she said. I would have appreciated an apology for breaking my kid's stuff. I'm just going to fix the swing and put it back up. I liked seeing the swing used. I'll just have to keep a sharper eye on them in it.

No, I am not a member of the PTA. I had to pull my son out of school earlier this year. I have tried to get other parents together on things but I do not see enough interest or motivation in response to make it worth me organizing anything official. So I just wonder about things in private (like here, lol).

I like these children and am interested in them. I don't really mind the inconvenience of looking after them in the yard. It is worth it to have my son doing something different and being around a mix of people. It's good for me too, really. Keeps me busy. I am just surprised by so much about their lives.

I feel like it’s actually good, in a way, when an adult is around when kids are discussing sexuality—as long as the adult takes a scientific, yet romantic, stance on it. And not impart any ignorant notions upon the conversation.