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vikki45
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13 Jun 2022, 6:11 am

Hi, I have just joined this website.
I have a 23 year old son who has Aspergers, he still lives at home and works, which i am very proud of. He seems to be crippled by his autism. He was diagnosed at the age of 17. He hardly speaks and when not working, sits in his dark room, playing x-box and drinking either alcohol or energy drinks.

Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.



klanka
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13 Jun 2022, 7:10 am

When interacting with fellow human beings is painful or difficult and Xbox is easy, and gives a 'feeling' of achievement and social interaction...it's hard to get off it. Maybe treat it like it's a game. Tell him to get xp (experience) of socialising to get better. Maybe even pay people to teach him.



Minuteman
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13 Jun 2022, 9:20 pm

klanka wrote:
When interacting with fellow human beings is painful or difficult and Xbox is easy, and gives a 'feeling' of achievement and social interaction...it's hard to get off it. Maybe treat it like it's a game. Tell him to get xp (experience) of socialising to get better. Maybe even pay people to teach him.


Might want to look into some sort of group therapy for him. Communicating with people going through similar problems can do wonders (it has for me).



timf
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14 Jun 2022, 6:44 am

If one considers Aspergers to be a neurology that is more complex, sensitive, or fast, one should expect to see a greater sensitivity to the environment and even one's own thoughts. Considering how taxing the world can be for neurotypical people, one can imagine the toll it can take on those more sensitive.

Those of us older who managed to persevere on our own know that one can develop coping skills and management strategies. What would have been more helpful when we were younger would have been to understand what was happening, why, and what might be done.

You might be able to engage your son in an assessment of his situation such that he can see some value in making an investment in activities that will help him develop coping skills. This often involves intentionally doing things that cause discomfort. If he can be persuaded to experiment with activities (small steps at first) that will help him expand his realm, he might be able to have a more fulfilling life than just entertaining himself.



PheonixDove
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15 Jun 2022, 5:38 pm

vikki45 wrote:
Hi, I have just joined this website.
I have a 23 year old son who has Aspergers, he still lives at home and works, which i am very proud of. He seems to be crippled by his autism. He was diagnosed at the age of 17. He hardly speaks and when not working, sits in his dark room, playing x-box and drinking either alcohol or energy drinks.

Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.


Hi, welcome to the website!

It is possible that your son spends a lot of time in his room to "de-stress" from work and day to day life, as people on the spectrum in particular can find many activities quite draining and may need time to "recharge". I know that's something that I often need to do. However if he is drinking lots of alcohol then it may not be such a healthy situation.

It is also possible that your son lacks confidence in going out and socialising, which his Aspergers may be influencing. It may be worth looking into whether there are any local clubs suitable for people on the autistic spectrum, as I can imagine having the "right" crowd of people for your son to socialise with may be an important consideration for him to feel comfortable enough to give it a go.



clare s
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12 Jul 2022, 3:11 am

hi
me too, my son is 23 and is overwhelmed when he leaves the house. I dont know how to advise him as he wont use the internet after having had unpleasant trolls. He suffers anxiety, depression (bad) and mild aspergers. I think he wd rather be dead. He cant work though new tablets have helped. He is super intelligent but can’t work unless he can control his anxiety.
sorry not much help to you
C



DW_a_mom
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12 Jul 2022, 3:29 am

My question would be how does your son feel about his situation? What are his hopes and dreams for the future? If you can engage him in a conversation that clues you in on what HE wants to change about his situation or himself, you have a starting point from which to figure out how (or if) to help him.

It is entirely possible he is quite happy keeping his life simple and predictable with limited human interaction. If that is the case, the topic of discussion is how to set up his home life so that your needs are met, as well, and so that he will be able to continue on if something were to happen to you. In my experience, all young adults are instinctively driven to find independence, but their ability to manifest that varies. Sometimes its just a matter of time and exposure. Sometimes its deeper. It all depends.

Where I live we have a support center for young adults with ASD. What is available where varies quite a lot, but almost everyone has access to the online communities. Playing games on-line can, in fact, also give him an on-line social life that might eventually evolve into real life meetups. It really does all depend, in my eyes, on what your SON is looking for in his life.

23 is still quite young for someone with the developmental delays that are a common part of ASD. There can be a lot of disconnect between what the world believes they should be ready for, and what they actually are ready for. Anything you can do to support him emotionally while his skills and maturity catch up will be helpful. What he is ready for today isn't necessarily what he will be ready for in a year or two. Make sure he knows that, and make he knows that you are there to work with him as his goals and abilities change, as well.


_________________
Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).


DW_a_mom
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12 Jul 2022, 3:44 am

clare s wrote:
hi
me too, my son is 23 and is overwhelmed when he leaves the house. I dont know how to advise him as he wont use the internet after having had unpleasant trolls. He suffers anxiety, depression (bad) and mild aspergers. I think he wd rather be dead. He cant work though new tablets have helped. He is super intelligent but can’t work unless he can control his anxiety.
sorry not much help to you
C


Finding something to give a sense of meaning to life isn't easy, especially when anxiety and depression are involved. Does your son like tabletop card games like Magic? Game stores often have weekly gaming sessions where all one has to do is show up. Some events include game card purchases, but not all. Ages of players can run the gambit from 10 to 70. My son even found weekly gaming at a local store when he spent a year overseas. It was a fast way for him to make connections in the community and engage in a hobby he truly enjoys. My daughter found refuge in a Dungeons and Dragons group when her anxiety forced her to leave high school. It was the only thing she could get herself out of the house for, and formed a life line as a result. The gaming community can be very open and accepting, low expectations, low requirements. I found the only thing I could do to help my daughter at her lowest was let her be, not expect anything, just love her and support her no matter what. Her instinct for independence is what eventually brought her out, but she needed to do it on her own in her own way and in her own time.


_________________
Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).