Page 1 of 1 [ 4 posts ] 

Stircrazy
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 8 Aug 2022
Gender: Female
Posts: 2

21 May 2024, 11:35 pm

Hello, I am at a turning point with my 18 yr old son who has ASD. He has no idea what he wants for his future. He is about to graduate from highschool ( we have homeschooled the last 6 yrs. I always thought he was on the higher functioning end because he has pretty good verbal skills and has done ok with some academics except for math. We recently had psychological testing done through our local department of vocational rehab, and his scores all came back very low. Low IQ. They said that he shouldn't attempt going to college, and the only job they thought he could do is wrap silverware in a restaurant with one on one supervision. I just feel like I should give up and stop expecting things from my son that he may not be able to ever do. I don't really have any expectations I guess, but I can't create a future for him and he has no idea what he wants. Any advice would be appreciated



autisticelders
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2020
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,088
Location: Alpena MI

27 May 2024, 7:22 am

definitely stop having expectations and help him explore his skills and weaknesses, his interests and what he wants. Its not about what you want, it is about finding the right place for him in the world, what he wants to do and finding a way to become an independent adult. My parents wanted me to become a secretary, that was their focus of ambitions for me, but I ended up following my interests and found a satisfying way of life working with animals , something I was completely discouraged from when living at home. It was not what they wanted for me . Is he allowed to follow his own interests and develop skills around that? Have you helped him explore options for working using his interests and strengths. Hope you can find a way to focus on his needs and wants and not just what you want for him or expect of him. if what you have been doing up until now is not working, maybe it is time to change what you are doing? Hope you can find a way together, including him in the conversation, nothing about us without us!


_________________
https://oldladywithautism.blog/

"Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.” Samuel Johnson


Fenn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Sep 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,603
Location: Pennsylvania

27 May 2024, 8:10 am

What does he do when no-one is telling him what to do?

This is a question I have often asked about my kids.

There are several people in my neighborhood or who I see at church who need more help than my son. But my son’s struggles and challenges are real. As a parent I have often been the advocate, it was my job to see the good in my son, to defend him when others underestimated him or misunderstood him or belittled him. And that is good. But sometimes I was projecting and I missed some of the real challenges and that was not. My son may never be independent. Or he may. I have to surrender my vision of what I thought the future might be. I might even have to grieve it, and grief is a process. Then I have to apply the serenity prayer and accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can (and should) and grow in wisdom as I become more clear about which is which. Even if it is not what I want (or used to want).

It is all a process.

P.S.
Some places offer a non-college-but-college-like program

https://www.sju.edu/kinney/autism-servi ... ay-program


_________________
ADHD-I(diagnosed) ASD-HF(diagnosed)
RDOS scores - Aspie score 131/200 - neurotypical score 69/200 - very likely Aspie


Stircrazy
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 8 Aug 2022
Gender: Female
Posts: 2

31 May 2024, 3:24 pm

I honestly don't have any strong visions of what I want for his life other than for him to be happy. He doesnt express any desires or plans at all for the future. If he is left alone to do what he wants, he listens to music for hours and I am ok letting him do that. I'm not pushing him to do anything. I just feel as though I am giving up on him if I dont at least try to offer suggestions or options. I am ok if he isn't able to become independent.