Sending ADHD Kid Back to School

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He's been out since the early 2nd grade. He's starting 5th and has requested to go back because he's lonely. His symptoms are under control with medication and he's far ahead in academics. So we said okay.

The school is doing very poorly and I have heard the kids are ruffians. I'm going to have to keep a close eye on the whole affair. I hope he will be alright. He does not do well when people pick on him. He is too socially aware and too self conscious. I often wish I could give him some of my assertiveness. We would probably both be better off. :/

I'm replying to my own thread with an update in case anyone was interested.

He mostly loves being there. He loves being around other kids again. Now that he is heavily medicated with stimulants and blood pressure medication for his anxiety he seems to be able to focus on the teacher and routine pretty well. The teacher is a kind lady and the curriculum is surprisingly thoughtful. He has asked if he can be removed from special education because he does not need it. So far I agree. I will look into it when it is time for the meeting.

He has made friends, but he has not accepted that the things he is into are not normal for a kid his age (coding, virtual reality, space/time). I am hoping he will become interested in some new things that the other kids like. It will be a little while before I can get him evaluated and see if he can take some advanced subjects. His confidence has improved a great deal. He has realized that he is a good friend, that he is smart, that he is "not ugly" (sigh- this is an improvement in his self image). It's been surprising and positive all around.

I’m glad that things are going so well! I worry every year about how things will go with my own kid who is on the spectrum and has ADHD, but so far, so good.

We homeschooled our three kids. If he is interested in social contact school is not the only options. Outside activities such as martial arts class, library groups for kids, or even more adult things like amateur radio are possibilities.

You may want to consider a social group such a Mensa. They do not offer testing for kids younger than 14 (if I remember correctly), however, they do accept an IQ assessment made by a psychologist (upper 2%). He might enjoy that sort of socialization as well.

Thank you, Tim and Twilight. We will keep seeing how it goes. I do want to put him in some extra activities no matter what he decides to do.

I wanted to put in an update here again, because things have been a bit odd and maybe it might help someone else going through similar issues.

My son has ADHD but is also abnormally large, as in super tall but also like his head is bigger than mine, his voice is deep, and I am currently wearing his hand me down clothes, although I am a full sized woman and he is 10. We found out this year that he has a medical issue and needs to be on a special diet. This was shocking to us and him. We are still adjusting to his new lifestyle of basically having to think about fitness and health all the time.

I went in for the first IEP meeting recently. I brought an educational advocate who is a retired Special Ed teacher. When the school heard that, they brought in higher ups from the school district. My son's home room teacher was out that day. So it was just me, the advocate, the new Special Ed lady (who is 200 lbs overweight), and a roomful of strangers. They told me that my son is using "negative self talk" at school and they want him to be psychologically tested. He is talking about his weight and health too much, they say, and saying things about being stupid. I know how he talks, and he is likely muttering "This is stupid" and is unaware he is saying it out loud. They are probably only hearing the word "stupid." He is also painfully polite and I find it hard to believe that he is saying anything out of bounds about health or weight. He may be awkwardly polite. But awkwardness doesn't require intervention.

If I had not had that advocate with me, they would have railroaded me into more unnecessary testing so they could keep him in Special Ed and concentrate more time on his "self esteem". They actually make him more anxious when they try to raise his spirits because it makes him question himself. Like, why are they making such a big deal out of it, as if he were a baby? This is how he takes it. So the advocate is having them do a 504 for his ADHD symptoms and she had them pull him out of Special Ed and put him with the rest of the kids for general education. He still gets to test in a room away from other kids since he talks to himself.

The district person happened to also be the person in charge of gifted education, so I made sure to send him my son's test scores for the past few years. Hopefully he can get better classes in middle school next year. If not, I will try to do something else for him to keep him challenged. I still have him doing his home school curriculum when he gets home in the afternoon, in exchange for $2/day. That has been working very well.

But it bothered me a great deal. What I want to get across is that the schools in my state get extra funding for kids in special education and who have English as a Second Language. There is no benefit for a kid improving OUT of these services. If a kid does NOT NEED an accommodation, they should NOT be getting it! There is a very real reason for this. It will weaken them like a veal calf and when they become older they will have a harder time adjusting to independence. Disability accommodations should be used appropriately, and we as parents need to make sure WE are in the driver's seat here, not someone else who may have an ulterior motive, such as extra funding.

Collectives like schools and prisons are monolithic and process people as if they were components in a machine. Sadly, people are not monolithic. As a result, those children that are not easily processed are identified as defective. In the 1960s when "minimal brain dysfunction" was identified (the precursor to ADHD). It was assumed that whatever physiological defect existed that resulted in difficult processing would eventually be discovered and corrected. No one considered that humans have variations in neurology and that monolithic processing is perhaps the problem.

That you can recognize the financial incentive the school has in shunting your child aside, is to your credit. You will have to decide if keeping your child in school is going to be as helpful as you hoped or if it is better to withdraw him.