He's hit the self destruct button........

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..... and doesn't give a cr*p.

J is 16 now and the hormones are RAGING. He's also developed an alcohol problem

For the past 6 weeks or so he's been binge drinking alone in his room after the rest of us have gone to bed, then he's been carefully hiding and getting rid of the evidence when we've gone to work the next morning. Obviously when I found out I took him straight to the doctor and he now sees an alcohol abuse youth counsellor once a week.

The trouble is, I KNOW that he has VASTLY exaggerated the amount he drinks and for how long it's been going on. I know this absolutely 100% for many reasons. So he's lying to the doctor and the counsellor. He also seems to be getting a bit of a kick out of people thinking that he's an alcoholic.

So, although I know that this drinking has been going on for a couple of months and he most definitely would have developed a serious problem, I also think he's attention seeking. It's no coincidence that his best friend who also has AS has started to behave exactly the same according to his mum. They seem to be mirroring each others behaviour.

Not that he cares about any of it mind you He just seems to be on a path to nowhere at the moment and I don't know what to do.

Yikes!

What does his abuse counsellor say about it all? Does he/she take you seriously when you tell them the real story of how often/how much he's consuming? That's incredibly difficult for everyone involved. Can you lock up the alcohol? Maybe if his friend's parents do the same thing, and it's hard for BOTH of them to access to it (because if one can get acccess, they'll just share) then maybe they'll quit with the help of the abuse counselling.

In the meantime, I would keep a log (without his knowledge) of when he drinks, how much you suspect he has had, what the outcome was (side effects, what time he woke up in the AM, how he handled the situation, if he lied about something etc) and then it will help you keep tabs on if it's escalating or decreasing.

Thanks for replying Celtic.

He's not getting the alcohol from indoors - he was being served in a shop near where we live (who have obviously been reported). He has a part time job which is how he was affording it. Although not the £80 - £90 a week he claimed he was drinking as he only gets £15 a week!

His counsellor is reluctant to tell me what they discuss but has "taken on board" my concerns. He had a session last night and came home really excited because she had given him a bottle to do a urine test to test for Chlamydia!! Again, I don't know what he's told her but I know he isn't having sex every 5 minutes because it's only been the last month or so that he's gone out socially with his friend and he's always home by 8.00pm! And why would you get excited about having a Chlamydia test!? I'm not naive, teenagers have sex and if he has, he has but not on the scale that I can almost GUARANTEE he'll be telling people.

I don't want to sound like I've got blinkers on - trust me, I know what J is about and I can understand him seeking attention. What I don't understand is why he's wanting people to think such negative things about him. What possible good can that do him? I have confronted him and told him that he must be really honest with his counsellor about what he's drinking and doing and he just got really, really angry with me and told me not to "dare make out he's not as bad as he is" - then he told me he was leaving home and went to the local police station and asked them to put him up for the night!

I'm at a loss.

When I was younger I had this thing where if I couldn't be the best at something, I would for (bad word here....) sure be the worst. It was another form of the best and I was going to take it to a new level.

Maybe that is where he is, and no, it doesn't go anywhere and is, as you say, self destructive. It might have start after he realized he wasn't the best at something.

Try talking to him about things he is good at and maybe give less attention to the other issues (at least in his hearing). Make it a sort of taboo topic and give "that's nice honey" answers when he tries to bring it up?

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Cockney Rebel ~ Thank you

Detren ~ That's really interesting what you've said because that's exactly what I think he's doing. I have started to take the 'indifferent' approach with him now and not react when he comes out with blatant reaction provoking stuff; I've urged family and friends to do the same - just sort of shrug it off and change the subject.

The doctor though, has prescribed him diazepam on the strength of what he's told her and that's another daily battle as I'm not allowing him to have it - the last thing I want is for him to replace one addiction with another (if indeed he does have an addiction).

I just don't know if I'm doing the right thing

It is also possible that he has a misconception that being in trouble in this way will make him "cool." AS have trouble reading social cues, remember, and can easily exaggerate or misunderstand what they hear around them, and how it could affect their lives. All teens are subject to this problem, but AS especially.

I once volunteered as a teacher for a special class of 7th graders, and I remember this one kid coming in and basically making a fool of himself acting like a rapper. The other kids didn't get it, and he was mystified as to why. He had heard kids say that so and so was "cool" because he was like a rapper; so, this kid figured acting like one would make him cool, too. It didn't, of course, but that fine distinction of how certain traits and activities can make one child "cool" and another an idiot was totally lost on him.