Tardy? Go to jail!

Post Reply New Topic

Neither does their behaving like a bully.

I don't think you understand something here. So many of us have been told 'just try harder' because, you know, we never thought of that before.

I am very glad to know your school has worked with you. Care to swap?

No. He has one year left and I do not want to jerk him around.



Oddly enough, yes. He has people there who understand him, listen to him and give him things I can not. Like art.

You keeping pointing out things that are very basic. Like another's point of view that I have said I have already looked at. I am very frustrated about him being late, I want him to do good but when you are beating your head against a wall of 'just work harder, do better', you get to where you want to scream. Instead of telling parents what to do, give them or show them where to get the tools they need to get better results. Like Nanny911 in real life.

While you have had a good relationship with your school, it is highly evident here and other boards that most people who are different, for what ever reason, do not generally find such willing or accepting people.

I have worked in special ed classes before, thanks for assuming once again. You really have no clue what anyone here has and has not tried.

You say it is my responsibility to keep up with my child's learning and I keep saying the same thing, as have many other people. It takes a partnership which most schools are either unwilling or unable to provide. I need not to be treated like an idiot or a criminal. I need to have all of my resources to find what my kids need, not have to defend myself in court or here.

wow what a frustrating situation for you.
i cannot offer any help as such as i have no experience with this as yet but perhaps i can gain some help and tuck it away for future reference.

perhaps it is not my place to speak but i see people here trying to offr suggestions like DWammo but you are constantly attacking her posts and she may be assuming things becaue she does not know exactly your situation all anyone can know is what you have posted. i know for myself wether or not i have personally had the same expereince it is always good to hear it from a different perspective wether or not i agree with it .
even if i said something a little off or perhaps persumptous i would hope people would see the intention of help behind it and would not jump down my throat for it.

i do understand that not all school systems are the same and that not all people are easy to work with in the system. yes some people will work with you and some won't it can be the luck of the draw and i would think that sometimes those in admin postitions have justgiven up becasue they're tired of it all or too frustrated and therefore cut all parents from the same mould.
i hope this all works out for you and you can figure out some solution for all of you, but wouldn't it be interesting to get one of those shows like nanny 911 or super nanny to come work in a house with a spectrum kid. maybe you could apply
but perhaps the extensive documentation like mariposa has done it may just work.

Maybe I just should not have asked then.

i apoligize if i upset or offended you.
i just wanted to point out that i would be frustrated if i was trying to help someone, who asked a question, and had someone jump down my throat for offering a different opinion than theirs, which is what really stood out to me on this thread.

I apologize for assuming.

Sometimes here I misunderstand what people are looking for. Reading between the lines works so differently than it does everywhere else. But thanks for answering and countering and not just getting mad! It's all part of the learning process - probably for both of us.

And I don't intend to say "try harder." What I DO intend to say, "try differently." Sorry if that doesn't come across. "Differently" seems like the only way to go when it's all locked up.

I had this exact same thing happen to me when I lived in Missouri. My son was in the 4th grade at the time and forget about getting him to school on time in the morning. Some mornings he flat out refused to get out of the car! One day he even left school and tried to walk to my office. Anyway I began getting harrassed by officials because of this as well. I moved to Indiana the following year. Once he started Junior High School he again began having trouble getting to school on time, having melt downs about clothes, etc. He would then obsess about being late and have yet another melt down on the way to school. One day during a melt down I called the school nurse and explained the situation. She said to have him come directly to the nurses office when he got there and she would take care of it. He was never in trouble for being late again!! I guess she understood it was something that couldn't be helped and just handled it as an excused tardy as she would for someone who was sick. Eventually he stopped obsessing about being late, and then ultimately stopped being late all together! I hope this is helpful for you. You have a unique situation that shouldn't be handled as a typical truancy case. If you don't receive cooperation for this then I would go public. Good Luck!
Dawn

I agree. If you can't afford legal help (and none is offered), I don't see what else you have as leverage - and you need some.

I feel like I should step in here, because I was the one who pointed you toward this community in the first place, and I sense you may be feeling not very "supported" just now, around this situation. I've been here a little longer than you, and I've run across some members who seemed...how can I put this delicately? "Not very concerned about whether or not they hurt others with their words," and extremely self-righteous and judgmental.

In my experience here, DWaMom is not one of those people. If she has a fault, it may be that she's TOO nice, TOO diplomatic.

I'm posting this here where she can see this (as opposed to PMing you) because I think she knows I think well of her, and because I think she might even agree with my observation of her.

I really think she means well. I know it's hard to feel like others don't understand your particular situation, or that their experiences have been unusually positive and so they can't possibly relate. I have, at various times, felt very unfairly judged by various people, "educators," friends, and family members. It's a horrible feeling. It's a very lonely feeling.

You're not alone here, even if it feels that way right now. And I hope you can give DWaMom the benefit of the doubt. I hate to see bad feelings stirred up here.

I went back and reread all of your responses. What I saw was an immediate defensiveness for the schools.

While I did not appreciate the assumption that all schools are just out to destroy any more than you did, the automatic assumption that it is never founded and the parents are to blame was just as bad.

If I sounded angry, I was. I am just so tired of being told to try things when I already have for years.

I don't think it is always appreciated just how difficult it is to get any child organised for school, let alone an aspie child. The problem is intensified if there is more than one child and/or the parent is on the spectrum as well and has issues with sequencing and organisation (executive dysfunction).

As one of 7 kids, I was forever running late for school and doing things at the last minute. Mum had her hands so full with all of us and dad, she couldn't very well make us be quicker. We all survived, although I got the cane a couple of times for being late, which I thought quite silly.

I also think the school authorities often assume everybody is a "morning person" and ready to go at an early time in the morning. The world seems geared towards "morning people" so it is quite hard for the "night owls" to get organised first thing in the morning.

When I used to have young kids, I found it difficult to get organised in the morning, and I still do. People said to set the alarm to get up earlier, do things the night before and so on. These were all sensible suggestions but due to my executive dysfunctions, I couldn't follow them too well. I tried hard but felt like a failure.

These are all reasons why just giving advice is not a good thing. People often just want to be listened to without anyone jumping in too fast with suggestions. When they feel their concerns have been taken on board and feel validated as a person, they are more likely to be open to suggestions.

I think I ended up responding more to the reaction of others, than to the orignal post. We all come into reading with a certain amount of personal frustrations, and the yelling at schools in general when I work so many volunteer hours at our school, and know how frustrating things can be for the school, really got to me. This isn't supposed to be a battleground, and I can already see with my Aspie son how the locked in mentality creates battlegrounds where they totally do NOT need to exist. That is one of the most frustrating things about parenting an Aspie, because it all seems so unnecesary to me, as if if only everyone would just get to the point and say what they mean, none of the crap would have to exist. No tomatos, please, it's just how things appear to me on some days - just yesterday in a 1 minute conversation I got a change for my son he thought he had been told was impossible, and had spent days stressing over without telling me.

That said, I know there are administrators out there who do make all the issues into a battleground, and are not helpful in any way. I truly believe this is a minority, not a majority. I don't have an answer on what to do when you run into someone like that, except that experience has shown me that the more I can step into their shoes, the more likely I am to get them to allow a few cracks in the armour. If I battle them, it is my experience it all gets worse, because they've hardened against that. But, still, sometimes I've had to pull out a trump card or two ... I guess it's always good to know where the trump cards are. I wish I could say from this seat what those trump cards are for the original poster, but I can't at this point.

And my experience in this situation isn't going to be of any use to the original poster, I do know that. I should have just listened.

I agree completely.



This is one of the basic tenets I try to live by. It is not easy by any means, especially when it feels as if they are attacking you.



Like I said, I was angry and I just did not listen to you either.

Maybe you and I can start over. These things happen, and I apologize.

Question: what is the situation at this point? Have you made any progress on resolving it?

Update:

The court is taking it under advisement after I had a melt down on the county special ed department head.

There are certain clauses in his IEP that are hopefully going to work for us. One is he is allowed to be late once a week and he will be provided a bus to go to school each morning. The earlier he is, the better off he is it seems.

But the judge could not even pronounce Asperger's. Ever heard of Offsburgers? He kept saying 'He is smart, he can learn'.

As for homeschooling, I don't think that would work so well for my family. I wish it would, I would let him run with the *still non-exsistant* chickens and teach him myself.

When I went to school no one ever supervised the entrances to the school or the yard around it, and the other children were mental defectives. There is one thing worse than being forced through aversion conditioning. That is being forced to take that conditioning and then being forced to do the thing that causes the pain, over and over again. This is not a way to prepare people for real life. If co-workers beat me when I went to work, they would be fired. \

This was in no way a form of discipline. It was bad practice, a form of black magic designed to cause people and society great harm.