*§*AS-Parent Support Group*§*

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Would you like a separate forum for AS Parents?
Yes 75%  75%  [ 141 ]
No 9%  9%  [ 17 ]
Maybe 14%  14%  [ 26 ]
Other option, please expand in thread 2%  2%  [ 3 ]
Total votes : 187

MsTriste
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26 May 2008, 1:04 pm

Being a single parent has its benefits.
If you have joint custody i.e. the other parent will have your child for a portion of the time, then you get kid-free time, which I found invaluable to my sanity.

If you are going to be the sole parent, that might be difficult but then you'd really get to make all the decisions about how you raise your child.

You no longer have to deal with yet another relationship (as we've been discussing in this thread, that seems to bring us down).

MS (I'll call him that which is short for Minnesotan Stud) initially tried to be involved to a minor extent in helping parent my two teens, but we discovered it only made life more complicated for ALL, so now he doesn't ever get involved and it really works for us all.



samantca
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26 May 2008, 1:17 pm

aylissa wrote:
Being a single parent has its benefits.
If you have joint custody i.e. the other parent will have your child for a portion of the time, then you get kid-free time, which I found invaluable to my sanity.

If you are going to be the sole parent, that might be difficult but then you'd really get to make all the decisions about how you raise your child.

You no longer have to deal with yet another relationship (as we've been discussing in this thread, that seems to bring us down).

MS (I'll call him that which is short for Minnesotan Stud) initially tried to be involved to a minor extent in helping parent my two teens, but we discovered it only made life more complicated for ALL, so now he doesn't ever get involved and it really works for us all.


It sounds good. I really cant handle this anymore atleast. Im willing to MAYBE give it one last try but then im off. This sucks either way. Id rather raise my daughter alone, than be unhappy for eternity with her father.



ouinon
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26 May 2008, 1:32 pm

Thank you, samantca and aylissa for virtual hugs.

I did think last November when last unable to tolerate this man's company any more, that maybe I would move out to a little room nearby, leaving son here so papa had to look after him when there, and I would sleep here when the papa on the road.

But things got a little better over xmas, he promised me a room in the attic for easter ( needless to say not finished), so I let the idea drop. Also I realised something I hadn't even noticed until then, but which had in fact been stressing me out, and would have made this idea almost unworkable. His old, rigid, supposedly unbreakable, sacred work routine, of leaving tuesday mornings early and returning fridays, had disintegrated the last year and a half. Now he goes away 2 days, or three, but not all together, or no days at all, or he doesn't know until last moment if/when he will be away, and changes his mind, etc.

About living elsewhere in France: I don't feel very at home in france; I miss my navigational tools of good english for meeting and understanding people.

Thank you for good wishes. Appreciated. :)

samantca; the awful thing is how often I have thought I wish that i had left him before I got too pregnant. Because now the years of habit press on me, making a move/break so hard. For everyone. But the rows/arguments/shouting/sniping/criticisms have just become such an awful automatic thing. And we don't even have any of the old pleasures we had together; sex, ( not had sex for over 6 years), drinking coffee and me smoking a cigarette at pavement cafe terraces while people-watching, ( haven't done this much for over two years now), restaurant meals, and "drives in the car " to visit pretty villages ( feel :eew: about that now) so little is left to link us anymore other than sheer accident of child in common.

:study:



MsTriste
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26 May 2008, 3:01 pm

samantca wrote:
It sounds good. I really cant handle this anymore atleast. Im willing to MAYBE give it one last try but then im off. This sucks either way. Id rather raise my daughter alone, than be unhappy for eternity with her father.

Good luck with that. Are you pretty sure he won't continue to be a problem, though, even if you're no longer together?

Ouinon - you sound like you're actually handling the situation quite well, i.e. not sounding like a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown, which is how I felt when I got to that point. Kudos to you, and you know we're here to support you.



drybones
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26 May 2008, 4:31 pm

aylissa wrote:
drybones wrote:
thanks i will - i feel like im cracking up right now

Can we help?


well this site is helping i think, not sure cause im becoming obsessed about this whole thing
but its good to realize im not alone.

i will probably post random stuff as it bothers me to get opinions. i dont think i have much good
experience to date :( so i will probably learn from what others say

BazzaMcKenzie wrote:
drybones, how old are your kids?

boys/girls?

Any AS traits there?


9 and 12, one of each (my DS is youngest)

I'm not positive about any AS traits although I have my suspicions about my DS who demonstrates
some AS traits for sure

Ouinon - sorry to hear that, hope it gets better sooner rather than later



MsTriste
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26 May 2008, 5:03 pm

On a lighter note, I'm pleased to say my daughter is reading a book right next to me :heart:

This is an older pic of both of them reading with the dogs. Happiness is reading in bed with the dogs.
Image



sinagua
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26 May 2008, 5:10 pm

YAY for Girls Who Read! :D



samantca
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26 May 2008, 6:06 pm

aylissa wrote:
samantca wrote:
It sounds good. I really cant handle this anymore atleast. Im willing to MAYBE give it one last try but then im off. This sucks either way. Id rather raise my daughter alone, than be unhappy for eternity with her father.

Good luck with that. Are you pretty sure he won't continue to be a problem, though, even if you're no longer together?

Ouinon - you sound like you're actually handling the situation quite well, i.e. not sounding like a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown, which is how I felt when I got to that point. Kudos to you, and you know we're here to support you.


He will be a problem. Im thinking of custody over our daughter etc. I will still have to make some arrangements with him. Right now i just cant tolerate being near him at all. I wanna decide what im gonna do, but... Its hard. I always thought that this would last. And i would stay in a relationship regardless of if i love the person or not (just because its routine and im used to it) I dont need pleasures that other people crave all the time (like sex and stuff like that) I dont mind being left alone most of the time. I can see that this aint working, but what i have to figure out is if im willing to sacrifice being able to find someone that would fullfill all my needs, and be nice to my daughter as well.

Can i let that go? I dont know yet.



samantca
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26 May 2008, 6:07 pm

aylissa wrote:
On a lighter note, I'm pleased to say my daughter is reading a book right next to me :heart:

This is an older pic of both of them reading with the dogs. Happiness is reading in bed with the dogs.
Image


Awesome picture :D I love reading myself.



ouinon
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27 May 2008, 1:34 am

aylissa wrote:
Ouinon - you sound like you're actually handling the situation quite well, i.e. not sounding like a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown, which is how I felt when I got to that point. Kudos to you, and you know we're here to support you.

Thank you. But actually not handling situation well at all. Today feeling calmer and rather shocked by state was in yesterday.

It's the stress, being totally stressed by this inspection threat hanging over us. It's something I've been aware of, and afraid of, for the whole 3 years since son turned 6 and we became legally subject to the "obligation to instruct" him, with all the pressure to send him to school and become round peg etc.

Today feel sadder about it all. And washed/wiped out a bit by yesterday. On hold.

:study:



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27 May 2008, 7:22 am

ouinon wrote:
The only board games I like playing are chess, and, if there are 4 people to play, Risk. My son learned to play chess a few weeks ago and for a couple of weeks we played it most days. I discovered that I am better at the endgame because have fewer pieces to think about. I become inspired! :wink:


There are many excellent board/card games for kids these days, that are also bearable for adults. Nobody needs to suffer Monopoly and Risk anymore!

My wife runs a board game after school club to introduce kids to these newer 'Euro games'. I research and find the games, she does the social aspects! Try Gamewright Games for several games that are fun for all ages. Also the BoardGameGeek website is a must. I can't remember many names right now, but Sleeping Queens, Loot, Carcassone, Ticket To Ride all go down well with the 7 - 11 age group. Most are not available in toy shops as they still prefer to stock 4,000 variants of Monopoly, but all are pretty easy to get from specialist online game stores.

ouinon wrote:
The best "play time" we have had together was two years ago when we both got into Lego Bionicle at the same time. It started with an astonishing sale of old stock at a local big supermarket where we picked up, over several days of repeat visits, the equivalent of several hundreds of euros worth of Lego for a tenth of its usual price.

Then we began haunting flea-markets and found vast quantities. We reconstructed models with only the box/promo pictures picture to guide us, not having the full instruction booklets, including some nifty gear mechanisms etc. We spent hours sitting together building, and creating our own models too. It was amazing.


Yes, I have many happy hours playing Lego with my son. As we bought some sets from car boot/garage sale, we also had some with instructions missing. However, I found a website with many, many instruction sets. As each Lego part has a unique code, it took a little detective work (which I found very satisfying) to find what the original sets were and to print out the instructions. I don't have the link now as I'm at work, but I'll try and edit it in when I get home.


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sartresue
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27 May 2008, 7:36 am

On the road again topic

the husband has indeed left for the week. :D I do not miss him in the least. :D Even my kids are happier. :D I hope this is permanent! :D Mu ha ha ha :twisted:


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ManErg
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27 May 2008, 7:57 am

Sorry for posting twice, in my previous msg I focussed on a detail and somehow missed the whole point of the thread :oops:

Anyway, yes, I agree there should be a space for AS adults with children, regardless of whether the children have AS or not. I have a 10 year old daughter who doesn't have AS, but does have acute dyspraxia. She generally gets along socially, when she does have problems the cause is usually her extreme physical coordination problems. School is not a good environment for those who are awkward physically (as well as socially).

I also have a 6 year old son who doesn't appear to have AS, but perhaps has some traits. Again, I don't think his social problems are anywhere near as bad as mine at that age. I'm lucky that whatever their difficulties, both my children have academic talents in their own way - one with literacy, the other with numeracy.

My main problem is that after 16 years together, I'm about to separate from their mother (my wife). We have serious communication problems and I'm moving out in a few weeks. She's NT (well, possibly dyspraxic :? ) and trying to bridge the gap for all these years has pretty much burnt us out. Staying with the children has been the main thing that's kept me here for several years, I will be having lots of contact with them and hope that it doesn't damage them too much. Well, at least not as damaging as having 2 parents who can't stand each other in the same house!

There doesn't seem quite the right place on WrongPlanet for this sort of thing. The other "Relationships" forum is mainly younger adults with problems at earlier stages of relationships. Not that those aren't serious issues too, just that on the rare occasion I've posted there, I think the age gap means that very few can understand.


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drybones
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27 May 2008, 8:30 am

ManErg wrote:
My main problem is that after 16 years together, I'm about to separate from their mother (my wife). We have serious communication problems and I'm moving out in a few weeks. She's NT (well, possibly dyspraxic :? ) and trying to bridge the gap for all these years has pretty much burnt us out. Staying with the children has been the main thing that's kept me here for several years, I will be having lots of contact with them and hope that it doesn't damage them too much. Well, at least not as damaging as having 2 parents who can't stand each other in the same house!


sorry to hear that - i guess you have explored every possibility to try to resolve your differences. I'm desperate to try and mend my relationship with my wife + kids since i believe we are close to the situation you are finding yourself in.

perhaps I could PM you for advice if thats OK? i dont want to turn this thread too far from discussion of parenting although there are obvious overlaps with relationship issues too



drybones
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27 May 2008, 8:32 am

Something I was wondering was how other people have discussed their AS issues with their kids. is it something you have 'hidden' or discussed openly, just curious really



ouinon
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27 May 2008, 9:24 am

ManErg wrote:
[Nobody needs to suffer Monopoly and Risk anymore!

I like Risk; it's my favourite board game after, or even before, chess.
Quote:
I found a website with many, many instruction sets. As each Lego part has a unique code, it took a little detective work (which I found very satisfying) to find what the original sets were and to print out the instructions. I don't have the link now as I'm at work, but I'll try and edit it in when I get home.

The Lego site itself has most of the instructions, or at least plentiful side views of models, available to download etc. But we didn't know about it to begin with , because we didn't get our internet connection till 3 months later.

:study:



Last edited by ouinon on 27 May 2008, 9:42 am, edited 1 time in total.