Where can I get behavioral help for my Aspie son?

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2ukenkerl
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01 Jun 2008, 7:20 pm

Emoal6 wrote:
2ukeneral,

I havent said a word about you or your opinions, other than to acknowledge when I didnt make it clear I was being sarcastic. I havent said anything about what you're saying, so why are you butting in? Im telling her the cold hard truth, and if you cant understand that, you need to leave it alone.

You obviously dont seem to be on the asd. And if you are, you had parents that cared about you truely. Im happy for you. What Im doing though is looking out for a kid who has no one looking out for them. This whole thread was created because a 5 year old cant control his temper tantrums. He's 5. What do you expect from him? Not too mention he's been diagnosed at 4 with AS.

You seems to be just skimming what i write instead of READING AND COMPREHENDING. Im telling this woman to realize her son is different NOW, instead of face this path of obstruction and DESTRUCTION. You will make this kid hate you if you try to change him so early. By not looking through his eyes, you will ostracize him. You obviously do not care at all about the child, just the ignorant woman who gave birth to it.


I care about the child. I'm not asking her to change him at all. I AM asking her to understand. I asked her to give in to his requests, like feeding the dog, in a reasonable way that they should BOTH be able to accept.

Emoal6 wrote:
I on the other hand, have no care for the woman, only the child she has given birth too. Because, as far as I can see, this woman only cares about herself. She's "tired of a his negative behaviour". Kids are kids, and they're gonna do what they want, no matter what. And this kid doesnt deserve to be placed on the internet as a problem child. He deserves the same respect as any other person on the spectrum. He deserves the chance to be heard and understood for what he knows and comprehends. What he comprehends when his stuff is missing is that someone stole it. What he comprehends when he just wanted to help out is that he cant. Are you starting to see a clearer view or are you as ignorant as her?


What parent ISN'T "tired of their childs negative behavior"? The child could be PERFECT and STILL be seen as lacking. I have seen that EVERYWHERE.

But how can you TRULY care for the child, and be so quick to cut down the mother when she is asking for help. At least *I* am asking for her to understand the child, and realize things aren't so bad.

BTW Geesmom, did you read smelena's latest post here about her boys? She appears to love them and is trying to understand them and give them all they need, and apparently it is working.

Emoal6 wrote:
And anyone who says its not the parents fault that the kid is autistic is an idiot. You gave birth to the kid. If its not his fault(WHICH IT ISNT), its yours. And you need to step up and take responsibility for your actions. You had kids, now you have to raise them. its ok to ask for help, but its not ok to make yourself look like a victim because you have autistic kids. Its not ok to hate or hold frustration towards your kids WHEN its something they have no control over. He's 5, give him a year or 2 and than maybe you can work on his social skills and reactions. All you do at this age is start resentment. Make a kid feel like he's a robot to be programmed, and not a lving soul who can reason for himself. He just needs time, and its obviously TOO MUCH to ask for from this lady.


I didn't say it was her sons fault. EVERY parent rolls the dice! There are four copies of every little gene. It is anyones guess which ones the child will get, and whether they are dominant or not. It might not even be one of the four, but a mutation! Any halfway intelligent person today knows all that. So she ended up with an autistic child. She should try to make the best of it. That is what is best for both.

HEY, I didn't ask to come into this world. It is a HORRIBLE world! Perhaps 4 billion are waiting for paradise, and the garden of eden. ********NEWS FLASH******** THIS IS IT! The rivers mentioned, etc... are all here. If you followed the lowest level ideal of the judeo christian religion(or even HINDU or BUDHIST), you would have heaven HERE AND NOW! But NOOO.... You have to be HYPOCRITES! End Rant...

Anyway, I didn't even get a sibling, and I found this was basically planned because I was big, and they said my mother shouldn't have another child. She should have had ME cesarean.

Putting the child up for adoption is NOT too likely to help the child. He would be put in an institution awaiting a foster home, the foster home people may mistreat him, and he will be lucky if he gets adopted by caring parents.



sinagua
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01 Jun 2008, 7:35 pm

Emoal6 wrote:

And anyone who says its not the parents fault that the kid is autistic is an idiot. You gave birth to the kid. If its not his fault(WHICH IT ISNT), its yours.


That has to be one of the most ignorant, unhelpful things I've read here in quite some time. How is it the parents' - or ANYONE'S - "fault" if a child is born with autism? There is no "fault" here.

True enough, many of the behaviors she's describing are "fairly typical" for most kids that age. But I can assure you as someone who's been through it, just throwing accusations and hate and bile at her will not help her to "see the light" and become a suddenly enlightened, all-knowing parent.

True, the OP may well be expecting a bit too much from her child. Who here hasn't made that mistake from time to time? Maybe she does need to "lighten up" on him a bit - but vilifying her isn't going to encourage her to do this. It's just going to teach her that asking questions is "bad," and seeking community help is "bad," and asking others with similar issues will only result in people sending her ugly messages full of derision and hate and judgment.

She's obviously desperate for help, WANTS to do the right thing, loves her child, acknowledges that what she's doing isn't working - for her OR for her child - and is seeking advice from others who've been there. There are constructive ways to offer advice, and there are destructive, unnecessarily hateful ways to do that. I wish I was seeing more of the former here.

Maybe it's because it's Sunday and the more level-headed, empathetic people I know to frequent this board aren't around today.

I am very sad that one more person has been driven from this forum, merely for asking for help.

ETA: Also I love how some people are telling her she's expecting too much from her son, and others are telling her she needs to "get a spine" and toughen up on him. It's such mixed messages (that ALL parents get, frankly) that can drive a parent right up the wall. The very people flaming her parenting choices can't agree on what it is she's doing wrong. How interesting.



Last edited by sinagua on 01 Jun 2008, 7:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

2ukenkerl
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01 Jun 2008, 7:40 pm

Geesmom wrote:
2ukenkerl wrote:
I will say one thing though GEESMOM... His coping skills aren't really "immature".


I meant "immature" as in, underdeveloped. I did not mean it as derogatory. I can't believe anybody would use it as an insult to their own child to begin with!.


Immature CAN mean childish and, even though he IS a child, it comes across as a bit of a put down. In any event, I wanted to show you the other side of the coin. Nobody understood me, and it was torture sometimes in classrooms with florescent lighting(I curse the day it was made). And, of course, the fire alarms are murder.

I am surprised at the treatment you got here. It seems that a couple others read more into your post than I did. As I said though, I have seen a LOT of bad parents! Some ARE too permissive. I'm not asking you to be so permissive, but to be TOLERANT and understanding.

I don't know if I EVER went through the “NO” phase. Most normal kids go through that when they are two, apparently. I DID ask WHY for a VERY long time. I forget when I stopped most of it, but it was pretty late. I drove my last employer mad by asking why into my 30s! Some of that might have seemed belligerent, but it really wasn't. I was just trying to be helpful. All too often, I am asked to do something for no valid reason, or asked to do something in the least efficient way.

Your son probably IS testing limits a bit, but some stuff IS legit. HECK, I didn't ALWAYS behave, but a lot of stuff I asked for was reasonable and really better for all.



Emoal6
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01 Jun 2008, 7:51 pm

Again, you all read into what i say as you like. you dont read the whole thing, you just see the negative, kinda like her seeing her kid. you not seeing this as a reaction to a woman who was BELITTLING people giving her advice, just because it didnt meet to her expectations. She consistently has said that the reason I and a few other people that we're blatantly wrong was because "our moms didnt breastfeed us or whatever". Thats a paraphrase but you get the message.

Why shouldnt I be hostile to someone who was hostile first? Thats how the military trained me. You fight back, you dont step down or retreat. You guys jumped into this conversation and didnt read the whole thing obviously. she's been a very negative person when it comes to CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM. Yes, I turned vicious, but only because she STAYED IGNORANT. Thats what we(autistic people in general) tend to do when no one wants to pay attention to what we're saying, what we mean. I have my faults and admit them, but this lady wont admit she's victimizing herself because her 5 YEAR OLD SON is MISBEHAVING. You all take it out of context or only take a snippet here or there. Why dont you read the whole story and understand it?

Besides, she thinks the vocabulary she's using is acceptable or that saying "dont be offended by this" works. Thats like telling a black person dont be offended by the n word. She doesnt want to break this cycle she's in where theres gotta be a way to fix him so it doesnt bother her anymore. He's young, it takes time to grow up. Read what you like into this one, but Im just speaking the truth, even if no one else will.



sinagua
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01 Jun 2008, 8:05 pm

Emoal6 wrote:

Why shouldnt I be hostile to someone who was hostile first?


This is akin to saying "But he hit me first!" It's still not right, or helpful. If your intention wasn't to be helpful, then bravo.

And military training does not automatically transfer over to child-rearing. This is ESPECIALLY so with children on the spectrum. Merely being a hard-ass is not the whole solution. Sometimes, it makes things much, much worse. As a former child on the spectrum myself who was raised by extremely strict, "spare the rod, spoil the child" parents, I can tell you it only fueled hate and frustration and profound sadness, helplessness, and alienation in me.
So many people who advocate "tough love" sadly overlook the "love" part.

And I didn't see the OP get "ugly" with anyone until she was told flat out she was a horrible parent and it's all her fault and she should never have had children, etc. I can understand why an already desperate mother would take umbrage to such statements. Why can't you? And the incredibly nasty, emotional responses her post triggered does point to some emotional issues on the part of those throwing such bile. Otherwise, why bother?

If your intention is truly to help her child, you will not accomplish that by merely throwing hate at his mother, even if there are legitimate issues with her parenting skills/choices.



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01 Jun 2008, 8:16 pm

SINAQUA
And if your intention is to help this woman you will not let her slide on her behaviour either. She is upset and stressed because she has a son diagnosed with AS, and feels she will "help him" by "changing him". Do you understand so far?

And when we've told her that the child is A) AUTISTIC and B) 5 YEARS OLD, she just cant believe this is how 5 year olds react. This is what you signed up for when you decided to have a child. This is what your life is now, it is ever revolving around the kid. If you're upset because he's autistic, you're no better than any other nt that will bash this kid when he goes to school.

Im merely saying the kid is 5 and autistic and has no clue whats wrong with him, he just knows somethings not right.

Besides, you didnt read into how little she cared about another aspies opinion because they had MOMMY ISSUES. Are you kidding me? Thats ALONE crosses the line. No one needs their past used against them, certainly not autistic people.

I grew up with aspergers syndrome as well, it just wasnt accepted or understood by this country then. I didnt get any help. No one looked out for me, so far be it from me to look out for the kid and show the parent the errors of her way. Look at how this woman treated ticker and myself for responding in a way she didnt accept as constructive. How does she respond to her son? You all are babying this woman, she doesnt need your pity, she needs to know she's wrong for her actions and her frustrations. You dont get upset at a person doing something they cant control. PLAIN AND SIMPLE, and she's upset with her child because he doesnt know any better.



sinagua
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01 Jun 2008, 8:44 pm

Emoal6 wrote:
SINAQUA
And if your intention is to help this woman you will not let her slide on her behaviour either. She is upset and stressed because she has a son diagnosed with AS, and feels she will "help him" by "changing him". Do you understand so far?


I understand that she is frustrated and seeking advice, not abuse. She didn't say she was upset with her son FOR HAVING AS. She wonders how this is affecting his behaviors, and how much is just him being five. I can tell you it's often extremely difficult to tell which behaviors are due to AS, and which are "typical" five-year-old behaviors. I hear parents in her situation all the time, and have struggled with it myself (and continue to do so, because I CARE), so this can't be unique to her situation, or due to her simply being an idiot, or a mother who doesn't love her child.

Quote:
And when we've told her that the child is A) AUTISTIC and B) 5 YEARS OLD, she just cant believe this is how 5 year olds react. This is what you signed up for when you decided to have a child.


Again, too simplistic. Nobody knows, with any certainty, what they're "signing up for" when they have children. If they did, there would be far fewer people in the world. And I'm sorry if I missed this, but what are the ages of your children again? What techniques have you found to be helpful to you? Maybe I did inadvertently overlook your specific advice, and if I did, I apologize.

Quote:
If you're upset because he's autistic, you're no better than any other nt that will bash this kid when he goes to school.


I never heard her say she was upset BECAUSE he was autistic. Just incredibly frustrated by some of his behaviors, which may or may not be related to his AS. This is a very common problem for parents of kids with AS. And I view many of the comments made here toward her to absolutely be no better than schoolyard bullies ganging up on a vulnerable kid.

Quote:
Besides, you didnt read into how little she cared about another aspies opinion because they had MOMMY ISSUES. Are you kidding me? Thats ALONE crosses the line. No one needs their past used against them, certainly not autistic people.


I read that she didn't value the opinions of people who attacked her for merely asking for help. And if you DON'T have "mommy issues," why get so defensive, hm?

Quote:
Look at how this woman treated tinker and myself for responding in a way she didnt accept as constructive. How does she respond to her son?


The way you two responded was NOT constructive. It's extremely difficult to listen to "constructive criticism" after you've been told essentially that you suck and should never have procreated in the first place. I don't blame her for checking out at that point.

Quote:
You all are babying this woman, she doesnt need your pity, she needs to know she's wrong for her actions and her frustrations.


Right. You didn't get any help, so far be it for you to help HER. :roll: She's NOT wrong for feeling frustrated. Her feelings aren't "wrong." It's perfectly understandable to me that she would feel incredibly frustrated at times - I've yet to meet a conscientious parents who didn't worry, didn't get frustrated sometimes, didn't question themselves, didn't lay awake at night wondering if they were doing the right thing, etc. But, of course, if you believe you already have all the answers, well then...I guess that doesn't apply to you. Oh - and there's such a huge difference between "babying" someone and simply approaching them with something resembling civility, and trying to have a BIT of empathy. I had a parent who thought he was "babying" me if he didn't beat me, or if he told me he loved me - so he never did.

Quote:
You dont get upset at a person doing something they cant control. PLAIN AND SIMPLE,


Ah, to live in the land of PLAIN AND SIMPLE. How heavenly that would be. Parents get upset/frustrated with their kids for doing things they "can't control" (and how do you prove that, btw? is it the same for every child?) all the time. Not saying it's right, but it certainly doesn't make them monsters. If you are a parent, the ONE THING you can be certain of is that you WILL make mistakes, however well-intentioned you may be.

Quote:
and she's upset with her child because he doesnt know any better.


No, she's upset because SHE doesn't know how to deal with his behaviors, and she's confused about what's "typical" behavior and what's due to the AS. Again, an incredibly common problem. She knows her son is only five, and can't always communicate well. She seems to be aware that she might be being too lenient with him sometimes, but I imagine the leniency is due to her fear that she may punish him for something he "can't help" - but she can't be sure of THAT, either. Hence her incredible frustration and emotional response.

She may well be making a LOT of mistakes with her child. She might well be too lenient. OTOH, she may well be too strict at times, too. Again, I don't know a parent who doesn't have this issue, at one time or another.

To the OP: I suggest you seek help from an organization in your area, if there is such a thing in your area, for people with autism and AS, and speak to someone one-on-one, in person. Also there are many books that can be helpful - please browse the other threads in this forum for titles that others have found useful, and some not so much. Everyone's situation is different. I can't know the whole dynamics of your household or all the variables in play just from reading your posts here, and anyone who presumes to do so is mistaken, however well-meaning they may be. The downside of ALL internet forums is that people feel free to say the ugliest things, that they'd never say in person. It's easy to forget you're speaking to another human being, and see yourself in their shoes. I'm really sorry for your experience here. It was actually my experience, too, at first. But as someone else here said, I got a spine. ;) And bullies come in all flavors - even spectrum flavor.



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01 Jun 2008, 8:48 pm

Emoal6, I think you are having a difficult time separating yourself from my son and truth be told, it's making me kinda uncomfortable. I'm not sure if you're in a place to give such advice because your experience has apparently made you so bias and hostile towards anybody who has frustrations with their Autistic children. It's entirely healthy and okay to show it/expresses it in a natural way, acknowledging my frustrations while asking for advice on how help him overcome these obstacles. I think he can do it. He's so young, he has years ahead of him to learn coping strategies, but I can certainly help him learn that in the meantime. That's where I was asking for advice. It is quite possible to be frustrated at times, yet still love your child with ferocity. I feel uniquely privileged to have my "G". I wouldn't trade him for anything. But yeah, I do get frustrated with him at times and that's okay. I'm not perfect.

I'm sure it must have been difficult for you growing up without the support and services available today, so you may be a little bitter towards me because you might think things are so much easier for parents today. I don't know.

I do want to thank you for your service to our country though. I admire that so much.

I'm not going to take your frustrations about my situation personally because in the end, I really don't think your anger is about me or my son. Just my opinion.

Good luck to you.



Last edited by Geesmom on 01 Jun 2008, 8:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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01 Jun 2008, 8:51 pm

Emoal6 wrote:
I grew up with aspergers syndrome as well, it just wasnt accepted or understood by this country then. I didnt get any help. No one looked out for me, so far be it from me to look out for the kid and show the parent the errors of her way. Look at how this woman treated ticker and myself for responding in a way she didnt accept as constructive. How does she respond to her son? You all are babying this woman, she doesnt need your pity, she needs to know she's wrong for her actions and her frustrations. You dont get upset at a person doing something they cant control. PLAIN AND SIMPLE, and she's upset with her child because he doesnt know any better.


I have over 20 years on you. At least YOU could have been diagnosed. I went in for a diagnosis, but AS wasn't an option. And YEAH, it WOULD be nice if we all came with instructions, etc... But we didn't. :cry: She has to basically experiment on her kids. That's pretty much true of every parent.



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01 Jun 2008, 8:54 pm

sinagua wrote:

To the OP: I suggest you seek help from an organization in your area, if there is such a thing in your area, for people with autism and AS, and speak to someone one-on-one, in person. Also there are many books that can be helpful - please browse the other threads in this forum for titles that others have found useful, and some not so much. Everyone's situation is different. I can't know the whole dynamics of your household or all the variables in play just from reading your posts here, and anyone who presumes to do so is mistaken, however well-meaning they may be. The downside of ALL internet forums is that people feel free to say the ugliest things, that they'd never say in person. It's easy to forget you're speaking to another human being, and see yourself in their shoes. I'm really sorry for your experience here. It was actually my experience, too, at first. But as someone else here said, I got a spine. ;) And bullies come in all flavors - even spectrum flavor.


I actually found the paperwork from my son's Neurologist and it had a few numbers on it that I will call tomorrow.

Thank you again. I feel a lot better knowing that there are decent parents out there that want to help. You've been really great!



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01 Jun 2008, 9:06 pm

And You guys call yourself parents, you're not looking out for the child. She blatantly said she couldnt deal with him AS HE IS. HE NEEDS TO CHANGE. The kid will change in time, but not because his mother forced him to.

And to you 2 whatever your name is,

Im sorry you were born before me, and guess what I COULDNT GET A DIAGNOSIS EITHER. They didnt OFFICIALLY accept it till 93, and information hasnt been circulated untill these later 2000's. I didnt even know what asperger's syndrome was until I was 21. Autism has been talked about only recently as something to look into and learn about.

But its ok, everyone, its ok to just blatantly see one side of the story. Thats fine, you people really care about those like you. I cant even believe any of you OTHER THAN TICKER are autistic. If thats the case, You're all just ignorant to what we deal with.

And I dont care if you agree with me, Im just speaking the truth. Thats obviously something you all forgot sometime along the way. I was taught to never hold back and to never give pity to someone who doesnt deserve it. She had a kid, now she's upset because of his reactions. She can say she's SCOURED THE INTERNET FOR ANSWERS, but really, i find that hard to believe as well. She hasnt seen any of TONY ATWOODS books? She doesnt know how to go to a library? Get the f**k out of here. I show no sympathy to those who cant teach themselves WHO ARE PERFECTLY ABLE TO.(which she is)

And if she did do all this research, she would have realized BY NOW that this is how kids with AS react. That it takes time and patience, not bitching and moaning about them on the internet.



sinagua
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01 Jun 2008, 9:08 pm

Geesmom wrote:
sinagua wrote:

To the OP: I suggest you seek help from an organization in your area, if there is such a thing in your area, for people with autism and AS, and speak to someone one-on-one, in person. Also there are many books that can be helpful - please browse the other threads in this forum for titles that others have found useful, and some not so much. Everyone's situation is different. I can't know the whole dynamics of your household or all the variables in play just from reading your posts here, and anyone who presumes to do so is mistaken, however well-meaning they may be. The downside of ALL internet forums is that people feel free to say the ugliest things, that they'd never say in person. It's easy to forget you're speaking to another human being, and see yourself in their shoes. I'm really sorry for your experience here. It was actually my experience, too, at first. But as someone else here said, I got a spine. ;) And bullies come in all flavors - even spectrum flavor.


I actually found the paperwork from my son's Neurologist and it had a few numbers on it that I will call tomorrow.

Thank you again. I feel a lot better knowing that there are decent parents out there that want to help. You've been really great!


You are entirely welcome. I hope you are able to find someone who can help you in your area. And seriously, it must be due to this being a weekend - I know of several regular posters here who would definitely be more helpful and sympathetic to your situation, but they're not around today. Feel free to PM me any time, too.

Stay strong, and don't let people make you question your innate worth as a mother, or your obvious love for your child. As someone who has personally experienced such profound frustration/sadness/depression/anxiety/guilt as a parent that they actually considered suicide, my heart really goes out to you. My husband and I (both on the spectrum, btw) felt like we were just "screaming into the wind" for years, but FINALLY we feel that we're getting at least some of the help we need. Good luck, and try to pick your battles wisely. ;)



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01 Jun 2008, 9:54 pm

It was MY understanding they knew about it in 1981, and it became official 1994. Oh well, either way I hate it. They should have known in the 60s.

My first post said how she was upset, overreacted, etc... That is COMMON for mothers, and sometimes fathers. And yeah, I want HER to change enough that her son can kind of move a little closer. He will probably NEVER be where she wants, but WHO ever IS?!?!? Some parents think they can program their kids, and that is STUPID. The best you can hope for is compromise.(By you, I mean parents and children.)

And I am certainly NOT pitying her. I can understand how her son may think/feel, and I almost pity him, because it will take a while to find that point where they can both settle. Until then, only HE knows what he is going through. She may NEVER understand him, and he may NEVER understand her. JOIN THE CLUB! The same can be said of me and MY mother.

As for scouring the internet, she may have tried queries that were too specific. Failing that, she may have just decided to use forums. I HAVE had several similar problems, ESPECIALLY with all the jerks littering the internet with all these bombs of a sort to try to get poor suckers to get OTHER poor suckers to pay them and they may end up on ANOTHER bomb to do the SAME thing over, ad nauseum. Talk about inflation!(Some clicks, in this way, pay the bomb planter $95USD or more!)

You know, one JERK I know of calls these things bombs and, now that I think about it, this is probably EXACTLY what he meant. I hate him all the more now.

BTW I am not a parent. I am simply someone that certainly has at least MANY AS symptoms, remember what it was like being a kid, how I was treated, and what I wanted/needed. It is hard to believe that that was around 40 years ago.

BTW I am NOT nice, etc... BECAUSE of discipline, but in SPITE of it. Of course, my school was the only one that spanked me, for NO reason(7 times over 5 years, though I think it was really only over 1-2 years(I went there 5 years, nursery, kindergarten,1,2,4)). Most of the rest was either a feeble attempt for reasons I don't even recall(Though I actually LIKED that "punishment"(Probably because of AS! :lol: )! :D ). Or emotional from my mother. I expect she wasn't/isn't very different from the OP.

And the deprivation I had when I didn't get my way was done by ME! Like if I didn't get the food I didn't want, I didn't eat. That is true EVEN TODAY! If I expect to spend the day at work, or go out, I bring something along, or STARVE.

I think I understand people with ASD pretty well. I try to be tolerant if they don't do things as well as I do, etc... HECK, I feel like my IQ drops like 20 points when I get under a lot of stress. I tell my employers to AVOID those stupid situations, but they INSIST on doing it though it means it takes them longer and they get less coding and more mistakes and NOW, they pay me MORE for it. Oh well, c'est la vie! :lol: :roll:

Anyway Emoal6, I'll take your word for it, you seem like a nice guy, even if I think you are overreacting a bit here. Hopefully this post lets you see ME in a better light as well.

Emoal6 wrote:
And You guys call yourself parents, you're not looking out for the child. She blatantly said she couldnt deal with him AS HE IS. HE NEEDS TO CHANGE. The kid will change in time, but not because his mother forced him to.

And to you 2 whatever your name is,

Im sorry you were born before me, and guess what I COULDNT GET A DIAGNOSIS EITHER. They didnt OFFICIALLY accept it till 93, and information hasnt been circulated untill these later 2000's. I didnt even know what asperger's syndrome was until I was 21. Autism has been talked about only recently as something to look into and learn about.

But its ok, everyone, its ok to just blatantly see one side of the story. Thats fine, you people really care about those like you. I cant even believe any of you OTHER THAN TICKER are autistic. If thats the case, You're all just ignorant to what we deal with.

And I dont care if you agree with me, Im just speaking the truth. Thats obviously something you all forgot sometime along the way. I was taught to never hold back and to never give pity to someone who doesnt deserve it. She had a kid, now she's upset because of his reactions. She can say she's SCOURED THE INTERNET FOR ANSWERS, but really, i find that hard to believe as well. She hasnt seen any of TONY ATWOODS books? She doesnt know how to go to a library? Get the f**k out of here. I show no sympathy to those who cant teach themselves WHO ARE PERFECTLY ABLE TO.(which she is)

And if she did do all this research, she would have realized BY NOW that this is how kids with AS react. That it takes time and patience, not bitching and moaning about them on the internet.



gbollard
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01 Jun 2008, 9:54 pm

Geesmom,

Regarding education, I'm not sure that it matters a great deal where you send your children provided that the place;

a. has certain standards
b. provides OT and other Special ed things

My wife and I send our son to a Catholic school which was great last year but isn't so good this year. Schools get better or worse as teaching staff change. I don't think you can exactly "run" from the problem ... ie: change schools whenever you're unhappy. This just unsettles the child.

Instead, I think it's best that you assume that the school will only give you about 5% education on normal topics (yep... I really do mean that) and then you need to get the rest from a variety of sources, including homework help, tutors and special ed at the school.

I'll explain the 5% .... I had a good think about how much new material I would be introduced to in the course of a typical week of school for a given subject. eg: English. If we did 6 1 hour periods of English per day (I know I'm using secondary school terms but it's easier to remember) and if we did just 18 minutes of new stuff in that week, it would qualify as 5%. In reality, I remember doing much less.

So, as far as being able to afford a really good school.....

Don't worry about it. Consider sending him to a public school which has good special ed. facilities and use some of the money you save to get him a tutor... even if you need to take him out of school for half-day per week to go to the tutor.

School should concentrate on giving him normal classes and social lessons.

I'll try to cover your other questions later - hope this helps.



Emoal6
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01 Jun 2008, 11:13 pm

If you wanna be technical, asperger described this all in 1944. Then a lady in the 80's brought it back up and then in 94 or so it was accepted by the US government and American Psychiatric Association. But no one spread any information to schools or child psychiatrists/therapists or anything until sites like this were created, they still dont really. Until people like me who have been mistreated for so long came together to voice thier opinions, no one knew or cared.

In the military I was told, "you're too old for an autistic diagnosis". The horrible part of my story is my mother worked with mentally retarded and handicapped people for a couple years before my birth. She couldnt even tell I was different from normal kids. No one could, except the other kids. Everyone held me accountable for s**t I couldnt control, reactions I couldnt stop.

And all I want to do is make sure no other kids ever have to struggle like I did to be accepted for who they are. Women go online and complain thier children are unruly, and everyone listens to the woman, not the kids. And its all because they tend to believe an adults opinion more than a kids. No one looks through the childs eyes and see they're trying to improve, they just cant.

No one see's this kid she's talking about is 5! Who was a good kid at 5? Who didnt over react when something they love went missing? HELL, Who DOESNT OVER REACT NOW when they lose thier keys or something else important?(the answer, no one). And this woman is just deciding that her kid's behavior is wrong, only because society tells her so. Only because she sees how other kids act, and that he doesnt do that. Its like He's being rebellious, or something in her mind.

The truth is, he has no clue and you cant teach him yet. He wont comprehend it, its too much for him. Thats what people did to me, filled my plate till I just couldnt eat anymore.
If anything, she should be listening to me, but she cant see because she's blinded by her hate. She wants to believe I think she's my mom or something. no, your words merely resemble her, in so many ways. And with that knowledge, I must speak, wether or not im heard.

You want to be a good mom, realize your kid is 5, and stop crying about it on the internet. Be a big girl and use your adult voice, say, I dont understand my son and I hold it against him. He must be wrong because I am right. Say that a couple times and realize thats EXACTLY how you feel, or at least how you look in your posts.



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02 Jun 2008, 1:02 am

Emoal6, please tone down your response to geemom. It makes you look like a heartless monster, so please consider your responses much more carefully.


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