Not disgnosed but showing all the signs

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I have a 12 yr old daughter who shows most signs of having Aspergers. We have just had a duty assessment done at the CAMHS unit and they clinicians said that there are definite traits.

In the last two weeks she has become more prone to having anxiety attacks in the morning about going school, she hates going, doesnt want to be there, makes up all excuses as to why she shouldnt go from headaches, sore stomachs, sore throats etc. She has major difficulty making friends and to be honest she doesnt have any at school or outside of school either. We have been through an Aspergers checklist and she scores above 3 or more 85%. She was diagnosed with ADHD at 6 but now we think it is more than just that.

Just wondering if there is any advice anyone could give me as to how to deal with the anxiety attacks. She says she wants to die, she hates everything, getting her to school is getting so difficult. I really am finding it more and more difficult to deal with as I dont know how to deal with it. Any adivce would be appreciated.

Welcom to WP. Sorry to hear how hard it is at the moment. I've had some of that with my 8 yr old lately.

When you say "anxiety attacks", are you talking about meltdowns, or just showing high levels or anxiety?

My advice would be to get a definite diagnosis. Then at least you have a starting point with helping her deal with issues, and it may even help her to know why she is struggling with life and how her brain works. This will also put you on the path of finding information and strategies that can be of most help to your daughter. I have been learning more and more about AS during the last two years, and the more I learn, the more I'm able to help my son, and pass on (hopefully) helpful information to his teachers. Also, are there things she is good at (like HFA) - emphasise the ways that AS makes her a better person? Does she have special interests? - is there any way you could use these to channel her focus? Probably one of the best things to do would be to find out what particular things are bugging her - is it friends (some AS people don't mind not having friends), is the work too hard, is she getting bullied, is it sensory overload, etc? - then try and address the issues.

My son has been having a lot of meltdowns at school due to anxiety and triggers. The school has done some adapting for his special needs, eg. strategies in the classroom, and also allowing him to do some subjects in other classes that are more at his level. I think the breaks he gets from being in the same class all day, have really helped him. There is also some good information around on emotional management (Google Tony Atwood on that if you're interested).

Don't know if any of this is helpful, but I wish you all the best. I'm sure you'll find lots of info here on AS to help too.

The attacks are complete and utter meltdowns, she starts shaking, crying, gets abusive, starts rocking back and forth, and todays one she started banging her head against the wall. She didnt want to be around anyone, she just wanted to be by herself.

What got to me today was that she wanted to throw herself in front of a car, she has said this once before as well, then she wanted to punch the window or punch a hole in the wall.

I really am scared for her and only want to find her some help. We are waiting to hear from the hospital and to get her onto new meds.

I do not know where you are and what her school is like but for me my school days were a trauma I would not inflict upon anyone and age 12 was about the worst. She needs some help.
I was lucky enough to have been at a special school at that age where the problems I had were understood and provisions for alternatives to regular lessons were made as necessary. That is not that I got out of it it was just that I occasionally I was away camping or drawing tuition with small groups where it became possible to form friendships and to be relieved of the pressures of regular school life.

my son went through this at that age as well.....he didn't get dxed until he was 13.

the rocking & anxiety attacks were taking place at school as well- the school kept insisting that this was evidence of defiant behavior. they said that son was just trying to avoid going to class....AAAAAAAAAA

first and foremost, make an appt to get her dxed.....then, get her in to see a therapist- she needs someone who can help teach her self-soothing techniques and fast

good luck

While you are waiting for all the professionals to get their jobs done, I would suggest that you and your daughter work together to see if you can uncover the triggers. What she is doing is reacting. To sensory overload, stress, upset ... something external is CAUSING this, and you cannot mitigate it without finding it.

If you start from assuming that her brain works completely differently than yours, you can leave yourself open to seeing all the real possibilities. It is difficult for us parents sometimes to see what is really going on because our kids may express upset at things we don't believe can be upsetting them; it's illogical to us. But it is NOT illogical to them. My son has complained about flushing sounds, too many problems on a homework page, not being allowed to move in his chair, etc. Each one reflected a real need: the flushing jarred my son because he has sensory issues with sound. The visual arrangement of homework on a page can distress him - literally make him feel it's an impossible task, no matter how well he knows the material. For sensory reasons my son needs to move to calm himself and to think. And so on. Each little item reflects a real need that we cannot relate to, but need to find and help mitigate before our kids can move forward.

I've heard of AS being misdiagnosed as AHDD, although some kids do have both. A child who has AS cannot focus when there is sensory overload, and will present in the moment as AHDD. And for some AS there are so many sensory triggers, every moment presents as AHDD. But if you remove the sensory triggers, there is no problem focusing. Real AHDD is constant, from within, and not dependent on environment. Just note that it is possible your daughter has been experiencing acute sensory stress for all these years, causing her to present as AHDD, and also causing her to feel the world is always going to be a very uncomfortable place. Are there places and times she focuses well and seems at peace? If so, comparing these to everything else in her life may provide clues as to what her sensory triggers are.

Reality is, I could write pages and pages of ideas that might help. Encouraging odd motion behavior (self-calming for most AS) and other things you would consider odd ... there is so much to look into and so many ways to completely reconsider how you parent her, and how the school teaches her. But first and foremost is to throw out all your assumptions and know your child. Look to her for the clues. Look to her to see what she needs. Then respond with empathy, understanding, and action. Basically, good advice for any child, AS or not.