Hi Lucy,
Your daughter sounds a lot like me too.
I was very academically advanced for my age - I could read fluently before I went to school and was way ahead of the rest of my class in maths.
I skippped the last year of primary school & went to high school a year early, despite the reservations of my primary school teachers who thought I was too "emotionally immature". Fortunately my parents did not listen to them and fought for me to do what I wanted.
Yes, I had huge problems fitting in socially - but I didn't really care all that much because I had been taught that I was "superior" to the other children so I didn't need them anyway.
This worked fine while I was a child, in that I did not lose my self esteem because I got enough of this from my high grades.
Things started to go wrong when I was about 16 or 17 & I got glandular fever which was not diagnosed for several weeks (the mild variety that goes on for ages but is never bad enough to miss school). My constant headaches & "cotton-wool brain" meant that my grades slipped, & the fact that I had no idea how to study didn't help (I had always been able to rely on my memory at lower levels).
I did get in to university, but failed my first year & had to resit. Again, lack of study skills & problems with the teaching style were the cause (I thought that all I had to do was show up to all my lectures & copy down every single word off the board/OHP!! !! !!)
As an adult, the world of work was a rude awakening. From being the "superior" person who was expecting a meteoric rise to be Chief Executive by the age of 25, I had to learn to deal with the fact that my so-called inferiors who "wasted their time" socialising were getting promoted over me, even though I was much cleverer than them & they often made mistakes in their work.
This was a really bitter pill, but much worse was to come when my then boss told me there was no way I would ever be promoted because of my "personality defect".
Up until then I had no idea I had one, and ever since then my life has been a quest to find out what is "wrong" with me. Of course, now I have the answer.
I really wish that I had known I was an aspie all along. I can't accept it as a "disability", however, as I believe my enhancements fully compensate for my deficiencies.
The one thing I really do wish my parents had done differently - they couldn't have taught me social skills becuase they do not appear to be NT either - was to teach me practical life skills. I live in a state of constant chaos bcause I can't organise myself or do housework, sewing, cooking etc.
It might help if you think that your daughter "just knows" theoretical detail & academic things in the same way an NT "just knows" how to be social. The way I look at it is that it is the same level of ability just manifesting in a different way.
15 Jan 2009, 8:19 am
