"I'll want to kill myself"

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Yeah this came up a few days ago. DS11 has never self harmed and he said this in the middle of a meltdown. When we talked about it later he said he had no intention of hurting himself. I spoke to my sis (who is for all intense purposes his other parent) and she said she had dealt with this a little bit but really felt like it was an attempt at communicating grief. He had treated me pretty bad before school and he was upset at not controlling himself. He has had no signs of depression.

I thought about it and really he hasn't ever verbally expressed grief. So I have two questions, how seriously do you take these things when there doesn't seem like there is a real threat? What words or phrases have you taught your kids to communicate grief?

Thanks

Red Flag:

1) Are suicide plans specific (e.g. cut left wrist with kitchen knife, or take bottle of Vitamin C)

If yes = emergency psychiatric hospitalization

1) Greif counciller.

2) How serious... the threat? Not at all. The internal meaning? Very.

My kids often say stuff which has been tailor to get a response from me, so you have to ask yourself why is DS telling you this? What is he trying to express?

That was the total of it sandwiched between telling what he had done wrong and apologizing for it.

After everything was over and done I did tell them that if he said that again we would have to discuss it with the psychologist and she may want him to be held in a hospital for 72 to see if he was really going to hurt himself.

I am not qualified to give you pointers, though.

Why don't we have support groups for parents of kids who talk about suicide?

Does you DS have a psychologist? If so make an appt asap to try and sort out some way of him dealing with those thoughts.

BIG HUGS to you, it would break you heart to hear such a thing.

Ummmm . . . what you describe sounds much like how many NT children react. You said that he said it in the middle of a meltdown, and then said later that he didn't intend to harm himself. I'd say a number of kids would use this as an anger/attention statement. I'd also say that lots of NT kids don't even know how to communicate feelings and grief . . . so maybe things aren't as bad as they seem(?)

btdt....son went through this during middle school years........and yes, he felt suicidal......let him know that you take his statements seriously & that any further discussion will lead to talking with his psych, and/or psych hospitalization......by letting him know that you take his words seriously, you are eliminating the possibility that he's just saying them- if he says them again, then you know that he's feeling bad & needs help sorting things out.

I think it worries me that he DID say it in the middle of a melt down, because that is when he is least in control of his own actions, and most likely to impulsively act on a new idea like that.

I guess the plan I would propose is to get him recognizing the path to meltdowns and halting them. If he can be that extreme within a meltdown, I wouldn't want him having them. I know it's hard, because the triggers can be so invisible, but he needs to learn to self-calm so he doesn't get in to those situations.

We've had a lot of threads on that before, and some great insights from AS kids on what their meltdowns feel like to them. If you can search out those, it will help quite a bit.

Otherwise, in my house, it is my NT daughter who throws that phrase around and, while I recognize that in part she simply can't verbalize her extreme feelings, I do take it VERY seriously that she can even imagine saying such a thing. We've talked about it a LOT, but the reality is she can be very depressed, and how to solve such deep depression in an 8 year old is tricky. I'm not running around in a panic thinking she is about to act on it, but I AM trying to figure out how to deal with her moods and get her on a more positive track. She isn't just trying to push my buttons with it, that I am sure.

An Update of sorts.

We have had his melt downs pretty much under control. He has had three since he was dx and one of them was unfortunately completely unavoidable. He had that third one today. He lost control with a friend and the friend got mad. i went and picked him up and we discussed it. He called friend and apologized for his behavior, but he felt just awful about it and said he wanted to hurt himself. Just like that no details. So I asked why and he said that because he didn't feel like even though he had apologized and friend had accepted that it wasn't good enough. That was an AH HA moment and (we are a very religious family) I explained how forgiveness works within our religion and what he need to do and how to do it and after going through that he was much happier.

I am concerned and I will be discussing it with the Dr at our next apt this week.

Lets get all alarmist! Because neuroticism is a way to fight catastrophe, surely?

Let me break it to you if someone want to kill themselves there isn't a lot you can to stop them other than restrain them 24-7 and force feed them for the rest of their lives.

More importantly is the environment they are in, and whether they have an outlet for their frustrations.

Who hasn't said it before? Not a lot of people I'd wager. And do you really want a pseudo-scientist (psychiatrist) breathing down your sons neck? What sort of profound question do you expect him/her to ask your son? Oh I know "why do you want to kill yourself?". Wow that is worth a medical degree right there.

Well, talking to a psychOLOGIST could be a good thing. They could help him learn to express himself better and learn some calming techniques too.

Hi,
I hear you. I read a novel called 'Somewhere carnal over 40 winks' and it helped me a lot. Especially, it opened my eyes to see the bigger picture of life. I hope this book gives you the answer you are after or something even better.