What motivates someone to have children?
I am too single minded person to know how to care for them.
Genuinely think its something I could do, but it would really mean I would have zero time to do anything else.
Plus currently don't think I never had the ability to care for other kids.
Maybe Ill get a dog one day.
I think I would be a exceptional dog owner.
Some couples do for that specific reason...
In response to Pepe:
I'm not reacting to you personally. I'm reacting in general.
No kidding----many have died in Ukraine and Turkey---but there are many survivors, too. Most, in fact, survived. And many know they have to find a way to make it in the world. Just like many people who have experienced trauma in the past. Including people in Rwanda who experienced their genocide; and the "inmates" of the concentration camps during World War II. Most know they have to survive after what occurred; if they turned into shrinking violets, they wouldn't, say, be able to raise their kids, or make a living.
I've experienced relatively minor trauma, fortunately....and it has affected me. But I knew, even as a kid, that I had to make my way in the world, despite the trauma. I don't know how I would have reacted if I experienced some sort of major trauma----but I do know people who survived major trauma frequently are able to make their way in the world successfully. Would I have been one of them? I have no idea. But I certainly would have strived to overcome the trauma. If I wasn't successful, then I would have still been a viable person, especially if I don't harm others.
I'm not against therapy for people in trauma. I understand people are affected by trauma, and sometimes need a "helping hand" and need understanding. but people who have experienced trauma are not shrinking violets.
I know I'm a friggin spoiled brat when I compare my life to the lives of refugees. I've known people who have experienced the refugee life----and they usually are much more resilient than I am. I admire those folks who beat the odds. I don't know if I would have been able to beat the odds.
goldfish21
Veteran
Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,612
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Umm, you can't just delete the biological drivers of sexual attraction from the equation as they're a real part of what motivates people to have children - by evolutionary design.
But besides that:
Babies are cute.
Offspring to carry on the family name/lineage/genetics in the gene pool etc vs. letting it just end.
Kids to help with work - family farm, family business, or even scraping enough together to eat daily may require many pairs of hands. This occurs at every scale in the economy.
Kids to teach things to - knowledge, skills etc see the next generation grow learn and carry on.
Kids to do a better job raising than you were brought up with - this is a thing for some people who had challenging upbringings.
Kids to provide more for than you were ever afforded - some adults are in a position to pay for their kids' university educations etc.
Kids to push towards greatness - sometimes because adults didn't achieve their own occupational, academic, athletic or professional dreams so they live vicariously through their children and push them to do great things. Sometimes this is for good, sometimes it's terrible. Depends.
Kids to look after them in their old age - in many cultures it's expected that children look after their parents in old age. If you don't have kids you're going to have a very lonely and difficult existence as a senior citizen.
Kids for socializing with - some people live remote sheltered lives and the only company they're going to have is that of their immediate family.
Kids to avoid abuse from someone - some women may choose to pop out kids because their abusive husband/father/whoever won't abuse them if they're pregnant or raising a very little one.
Kids to please grandparents' desires to have grandchildren - babies and kids around making kid noises and doing kid things.
Kids to meet societal/social/community expectations of a relationship's progression from dating to marriage to popping out kids.
Kids that were unplanned, even unwanted, because of religious or other beliefs against abortion as an option.
Kids to be competitive with siblings, friends, neighbours in proving your parenting abilities are superior to theirs - that you can raise kids better and do a better job than the people you criticize.
I'm sure there are many more reasons that motivate some people to have kids, but these are the ones that come to mind right now.
_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.
OMG!
I think I am in luv.
No kidding----many have died in Ukraine and Turkey---but there are many survivors, too. Most, in fact, survived. And many know they have to find a way to make it in the world. Just like many people who have experienced trauma in the past. Including people in Rwanda who experienced their genocide; and the "inmates" of the concentration camps during World War II. Most know they have to survive after what occurred; if they turned into shrinking violets, they wouldn't, say, be able to raise their kids, or make a living.
I've experienced relatively minor trauma, fortunately....and it has affected me. But I knew, even as a kid, that I had to make my way in the world, despite the trauma.
To be klear:
I'm all for making the best of the situation.
It is silly not to, IMO.
I just ain't coming back when my time in "Stalag Earth" has ended.
With the help of some good ppl who looked after me when I was younger, I am financially secure, live in a nice house and I am experiencing the best time of my life with my partner.
"I left the best for last", but that doesn't mean I want to come back.
I earned my blissful oblivion after I go.
Since it is inevitable in any case, I think is a very reasonable way to see things.
If I am anything/k, I'm rational, like any "good" traditional aspie.
"Success" is such a subjective thing.
Some ppl transcend the need to think in those terms.
Who suggested otherwise?
We do the best we can with the cards dealt to us. <shrug>
But besides that:
Babies are cute.
Offspring to carry on the family name/lineage/genetics in the gene pool etc vs. letting it just end.
Kids to help with work - family farm, family business, or even scraping enough together to eat daily may require many pairs of hands. This occurs at every scale in the economy.
Kids to teach things to - knowledge, skills etc see the next generation grow learn and carry on.
Kids to do a better job raising than you were brought up with - this is a thing for some people who had challenging upbringings.
Kids to provide more for than you were ever afforded - some adults are in a position to pay for their kids' university educations etc.
Kids to push towards greatness - sometimes because adults didn't achieve their own occupational, academic, athletic or professional dreams so they live vicariously through their children and push them to do great things. Sometimes this is for good, sometimes it's terrible. Depends.
Kids to look after them in their old age - in many cultures it's expected that children look after their parents in old age. If you don't have kids you're going to have a very lonely and difficult existence as a senior citizen.
Kids for socializing with - some people live remote sheltered lives and the only company they're going to have is that of their immediate family.
Kids to avoid abuse from someone - some women may choose to pop out kids because their abusive husband/father/whoever won't abuse them if they're pregnant or raising a very little one.
Kids to please grandparents' desires to have grandchildren - babies and kids around making kid noises and doing kid things.
Kids to meet societal/social/community expectations of a relationship's progression from dating to marriage to popping out kids.
Kids that were unplanned, even unwanted, because of religious or other beliefs against abortion as an option.
Kids to be competitive with siblings, friends, neighbours in proving your parenting abilities are superior to theirs - that you can raise kids better and do a better job than the people you criticize.
I'm sure there are many more reasons that motivate some people to have kids, but these are the ones that come to mind right now.
Different ppl have different levels of enlightenment.
What can I say?
He certainly did. One of his books is in my top 3 favorites.
Students should be required to read books on critical thinking in high school.
_________________
Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven. – Satan and TwilightPrincess
I made up my mind at 4 years old (yes 4) that I never wanted to have children when I grew up. Marriage wasn't that appealing to me either. I never wanted to play with baby dolls and I found real babies creepy and gross. I knew they couldn't help it and weren't being gross and creepy on purpose and just wanted nothing to do with them. I hated it when people would force me to hold my new cousin or niece "for a picture" and eventually I started refusing too, threatening to drop the child as soon as it was in my arms. I never planed too, but just said I would so they would stop harassing me to hold them.
At school, whenever someone's parent brought the infant/toddlers sibling of one of my classmates, all the other girls (and even a few boys) went nuts. "Can I hold them?" "Can I play with them?" "They're so cute!" I kept my distance and wondered what all the hubabaloo was about. I'm 36 now and have never changed my mind on the concept of being someone's mother. I had a hysterectomy when I was 23 and now am no longer biologically able to even conceive. Everyone said I would regret my decision to have that surgery when I got older, but it's been a decade and I still haven't changed my mind. My special interests come first and I feel like I wouldn't be able to love my child as much as my special interests and there's a strong possibility my child wouldn't share them. Friendships always die on me if the other person changes special interest. I can and can't at the same time imagine not loving a child anymore because they didn't like meerkats anymore. I just knew very young I wasn't motherhood material.
_________________
Spell meerkat with a C, and I will bite you.
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,470
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
Whatever the motivation is I certainly lack it.
Also, pregnancy sounds like a nightmare, and the end result is not something that interests me. I know I would not like taking care of a kid because as an adolescent/teen I got stuck baby-sitting my baby brother a lot and it was not something I enjoyed. I never want to change another diaper again that is for sure.
_________________
We won't go back.
Also, I like being a dad. I like caring for things. But yeah we have our 5th kid on the way.
Psst!
Also, pregnancy sounds like a nightmare, and the end result is not something that interests me. I know I would not like taking care of a kid because as an adolescent/teen I got stuck baby-sitting my baby brother a lot and it was not something I enjoyed. I never want to change another diaper again that is for sure.
The reproduction process/desire is simply the result of blind evolutionary manipulation.
I choose not to be manipulated.
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