GivePeaceAChance wrote:
Moviefan2k4 wrote:
ArrantPariah wrote:
What is the "duct tape" example about?
When you apply a piece of duct tape to a surface for the first time, it sticks very firmly to that surface. Removing it is possible, but some of the glue is left behind. As that same piece is re-fused to many surfaces, a point is reached where it will no longer bond to anything. Because they're so inherently personal, sexual relationships follow a very similar pattern. When two virgins have sex for the first time, it establishes a very strong emotional, psychological, and spiritual bond between them. If that bond is broken, healing can occur, but no other relationship will have the same level of intensity as the beginning. When men and women have multiple partners in their lives, their odds of bonding beyond the physical alone drop very quickly...and if nothing changes, they will lose that ability for good.
funny, not my experience
had several relationships, and many casual flings before my last relationship which was actually the closest and best one - the reason - we just had better communication, sex is just sex, mucus membranes rubbing, you CAN use it for a emotional bonding BUT it does not HAVE to be
Yeah, I kinda agree here. I don't completely disagree with Moviefan, but it is a very broad generalization. The first time I had sex, we already had a strong emotional bond. Breaking up a couple of years down the road was VERY difficult, but it was easier than continuing through life feeling like I depended on my partner for oxygen.
I've found that "casual" sex for me has never been casual. I had a brief fling with a young lady who was having a difficult time with her fiancé. They were renting a house together, and if she'd broken up with him, which was really what she wanted to do at the time, she'd have been out on the street while trying to figure out what to do about college. At the same time, she was developing an unhealthy attachment to me, and things were about to just get ugly. What was almost FUNNY was she came up with a cover story to see me without him knowing what was going on, so one night he actually came to my room looking for her. The BAD part of it was she didn't clue me in on her cover story. That particular night she WASN'T there, which was a good thing, but then I kinda got a little worried about her because if I was her alibi, then what was she doing that I didn't even know about?
At any rate, I'd made it clear that I wasn't interested in anything ongoing, and we ended it quickly. I would advise against even "friendly" casual encounters because at least one person will often have a difficult time keeping it on non-romantic terms.
The most enjoyable thing about who I ended up marrying is that we are much more friends than lovers…we're friends with benefits, and the difference between us and normal f***buddies is we have legal recognition of our activities and certain protections if in the unlikely event something happens to go bad. I'd like to pose the idea that committed relationships that are founded on two people being MORE than "just friends" (with certain benefits) are more likely to fail than those with less emotional attachment. A high maintenance woman is nearly impossible to hold onto for very long without the man being physically/mentally/financially exhausted from trying to keep up and keep her entertained…after all, she's eventually just going to get bored no matter what you do. You've got a more sure shot at fidelity with someone who isn't that emotionally vested in it, I mean, not emotionally vested to that degree. The extreme opposite, where someone is needy/clingy and demands your full dependence on her isn't going to make you very happy, either. Something founded more on friendship has better potential--you work together like roommates, you're not offended by holding all your possessions in common, and you don't mind being together all hours of the day.
That whole "duct tape" thing isn't likely to bother many people these days because fewer people actually value that sort of thing. Sex just isn't that big a deal, though maybe it SHOULD be. People don't see the inability to have HEALTHY attachments to someone emotionally/spiritually as any kind of a problem. The divorce rate alone is evidence of just how strong those bonds really are. We can say "for richer/poorer, sickness/health" until we're blue in the face, but nobody ever means it. They run at the first sign of trouble.
Kinda ironic this has come up…I just played a wedding rehearsal dinner Friday night. Cute kids, been together some 8 years or so. Great supportive families, too, and I imagine they have a good life ahead of them. I hope so, at any rate. If a marriage brings both families together, things will go well. My wife and I are a bit different since most of her immediate family has died, as has mine. We've got no one to visit on the weekends or babysit our kids when we need a break. It's all us. We hope to change all that when our kids get old enough, but we do get lonely a lot. It does my heart good to see new couples with tight families and friends behind them. I could disappear tomorrow and no one would miss me!
Last edited by AngelRho on 09 Feb 2014, 4:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.