36 year old female teacher had sex with 14 year old student

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I am thinking rationally. What people in this thread don't seem to realise is while an incident like this may not be traumatising at the time, for both boys and girls, it can effect them psychologically later on in life. Simply put, they may not be mature enough to understand what they are getting into and it may scar them later on. Even if the boy brags about it now, it doesn't mean that he'll feel the same way about in 10 years time. My moral judgements are based on the facts which you don't seem to be aware of.

What facts? For every person you know who eventually got traumatized, there are just many who never did.

I was reading through many of the comments on various blogs reporting on sex dynamics between an adult female teacher and a young male student. And some expressed they wished they were among the students, and others admitted to actually having sex with teachers when they were underage and don't regret it at all.

So what facts are you talking about, Jono, that must apply to this specific situation.

No, you are not being rational. You are being emotional.

Comments on blogs do not amount to scientific data, they are anecdotal. Different people may experience sexual abuse differently, and the fact there are some adults saying that they "wished" that they were the boy, doesn't mean that they would feel the same way if it happened to them. You have to actually get the official position of psychologists, especially child psychologists who have specialised in this, order to get an informed view on the issue. Comments on blogs don't count.

I have only read this one post in this thread but I get the impression the many of you think that because boys are horny, because boys often fantasize about sleeping with the hot milf, then this kid will not suffer any trauma now or later. If this is the case then you guys are simply wrong. Yes some boys will have this experience and will revel in the memories for the rest of their lives others will not, who knows why, quite probably it is because of contemporary social moires regarding sex, I don't know. But one thing is for sure it is highly plausible that a 14 year old boy seduced by a significantly older woman may feel on reflection that she betrayed his trust. Teachers hold a special place for many kids, they have the authority and role modelling of parents for almost a 1/4 of a child's life until the age of 16. Teachers are responsible for their charges welfare whilst at school and to some extent to and from school, for a teacher to betray that trust by seducing them, for their own selfish sexual gratification, is wrong and potentially extremely damaging psychologically. I rarely find myself in agreeance with Jono but on this I stand shoulder to shoulder with him.

You are yourself using the word "some". As already expressed, I dont think that every relationship of that kind automatically hast to be damaging to a kid. But how do you want to divide those that are, and those that are not?

Do you want to install an "kid-adult relationship court", where couples of kids and adults, need to do psychologic tests, to aproof that between this both there would be no damaging relationship?

What else possibilities do you see to protect the amount of 14 year old boys, that IS yet not matured enough for having relationships with adults? The cause of this youth-protection laws are not the boys that might not be harmed by that, but to protect the boys that might be harmed by that. 14 is an age that is in middle of puberty, some are already young men, just like some are still kids.
And because of it being to complicated to get every kind of such couples to an therapist to aproof if the young one is fit enough, we simply setted the age tolerance to an age, where the majority of the teenager already have matured enough.

She is an adult woman, she knows of that laws, and there was absolutely nothing forcing her to do so. Maybe teens are not in control of their sexuality, but adults are supposed to be, teachers the more. If she wants out of fun, without any reason to go to jail...being stupid is your own desicion.

I might as well not agree with some laws of my country, but declaring myself, that I think they are stupid, wont help me in front of a judge. I know that, and so I care for these laws as well. Poland is democratic, so it is free to people not agreeing with these laws to change them in democratic ways. If the majority of grown up men would be thinking, it is so sad, that as kids, they were not allowed to be prey of pedophile cougar, this would already be an topic for an political party.

And that would be selective information derived from those who actually suffer the trauma. Clinicians aren't going to get reports from those who don't have anything negative as a result of such dynamics to report counseling for.

So you agree that some don't end up being traumatized. It's the same thing when it comes to adults as well. Some adult men and women get traumatized after having sex with other adults and others don't.

It's not about the law. It's about whether we should condemn them if neither side has any complaints and especially if the law is not against it.

Who are we to condemn and bring misery where none is warranted? We're just thinking like witchhunters and Inquisitioners and asking them to be judged because we just don't like the way they behaved.

Had there been abuse, understandable. But the kid is not feeling abuse. So end of story.

MCalavera you appear to me to being bloody minded (obstinate) on this issue. What the teacher did was wrong, it was a blatant and significant betrayal of trust. Out of interest have you read my previous post? any comments on it?

You're advocating condemnation where it isn't warranted. I believe in case by case analysis, not in damnation and burning hell fire just for the joy of it.

Also, you're assuming the dynamics must all be the same. Maybe she did betray his trust (if there was any feeling of betrayal from the teenage kid), but it could also be that he is the one who initiated it and charmed her into it. Maybe she didn't want to at first but eventually got sucked in. Blog comments reveal teachers being tempted by male students for sex many times, so it isn't always a matter of students not wanting it or being coerced into it.

Who are you to say, that you can tell the future, and know how about the boy will think about that, when being a grown up? Grown up are themselves responsible for their mistakes, so they cant blame on other. But kids can actually point on us and say, that as kids they were supposed to be protected by us.

The kid is yet not feeling abused. But if he maybe does in 5 years, what then? Shall his parent tell him, oh s**t, when you were 14 you felt fine with that, so we thought "Lets risk it?"

Thats what the actual thread is about, that many 14 year old actually have not matured, and might think totally otherwise then the way they thought with 14. And normally as a parent you care that it is only unimportant stuff, that might be bothering your kids afterwards, like "wearing a Justin Bieber hairstyle" or "wearing scottish-style leggings", or "stealing your dads alcohol and puking in the whole kitchen". Comparing "f*****g my double my age teacher" with that, isnt fitting in my oppinion. If he really wants to do that as an adult, he can still do that some years later. She is not that old, that there is the risc of her dying within the next years.

Yes, but we need to protect kids from abuse, we need to protect kids from coercion, it is not OK to assume to take this on a case by case basis. As I said some kids will revel in the experience, but his does not make it ok. Teachers have a parental role, they have authority, this requires definite boundaries to protect the vulnerable. As I said I have not read this whole thread, would you be saying the same if the sexes were reversed?

Schneek, you are making assumptions. The kid is not feeling abused but is bragging about it (not my words). If this is all fake feelings, or he is unaware of what he really feels, is something that adults can experience as well.

Why is it not ok to make a case by case analysis and judge based on doing so rather than just disregarding all the details and making hasty judgements.

In answer to the question, yes. Although it's not as common for girls as it is for guys to want to have sex and go through with it without initiation from the adult, but it does happen as well. And I no longer want to condemn such acts if the teenager genuinely enjoyed it and no sign of implicit feeling of abuse is shown.

I did use to think the same way as you and others here do not to long ago but then realized it's just judgemental of me to do so.

Dont you read? Yes, the now 14 year old kid is now bragging on it. That doesnt mean anything. How much stuff have you done around that age, where you have been totally proud upon doing so, while later as an adult, you think yourself, if you were totally mad about behaving and thinking like that?

Yes, because of neither you and I are capable of superpowers, we only can make assumption. Doing assumption about a topic as a "Justin Bieber hairstyle" is something where I can risc, to have made an wrong assumption. While "my kid f*****g with his double age teacher" is something, were assumptions have not lost anything, neither mine or yours. And the absolute total way, to prevent making assumptions about it, is by not letting it happen.

Goddamn, out of the same reason, it is forbidden to have tattoos with 18. Yes, there might be tons of 14 year old, demanding by all means to have "the actual 0815 teenie-metalband" tattooed on their chest, and who will be totally happy and proud of that right now. But because of it hardly being reverseble and tons of people, regretting the oh so cool desicions they did as 14 year old, we have decided that its totally stupid to let 14 year old get themselves tatoos. You want it? Get it with 18, and be responsible for yourself if you wanna blame yourself for an maybe stupid desicion.

What a magical number 18 must be.