I hope the afterlife doesn't exist

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At least as far as current ideas go, I hope the afterlife doesn't exist. I am an ex-catholic I guess, but I'm triggered by my doomsday fears and even a general concept of an afterlife doesn't appeal to me a lot. This "general" afterlife, your biological functions are removed, so you don't need/want to have sex or eat food anymore. I'd love to be myself when I die too. This info comes from someone who had decades of experience studying the subject. Why doesn't she have all the answers?

I haven't been thoroughly convinced that it doesn't exist.

I was raised in a home where "fear God" included fear of hell, but today I have grown into a better understanding of a different kind of "fear" in that area:

I personally don't know this person, but it was her career. How do you know if even she is wrong?

I once asked a psychic I trusted why I was so afraid of TEOTW-like you, when I was in my teens and 20s I had an irrational fear of an impending doomsday to the point where I made some major life decisions based on the fear. The psychic said that in my previous life I was a rich kid who had a severe case of what would be called "affluenza" today, and I ran away from home as a teen, got into the whole sex and drugs thing that was going on in the late 60s, overdosed, and died. I wasn't even 21 yet, more like 18 or 19. As a result, I sort of blew my chance at doing what I had been supposed to do in that life, so I had to come back under much more challenging circumstances and attempt a reboot. The fear was related to a sense of, OMG what if I blow this one too? I was 100% at fault for the previous f#ckup, so I worried that this time it would be totally out of my control. Maybe there's something similar with you, unfortunately there really aren't any more actual intuitives out there anymore, the vast majority of "psychics" out there now simply tell you that your life savings is "cursed" and that they need to "cleanse" it for you, in $20 bills please. A smaller number will try to "cast a spell" or something similar, for a large amount of money of course.

Probably important to realize you don't have any control over whether or not it exists. Feel free to educate yourself and read like you are but do it for the sake of ironing out your relationship with it. If this, or anything else, gets you particularly hot and bothered it means you have an internal conflict of some type that's worth resolving for its own sake.

Also I tend to feel like one of the more persistent dilemmas people find themselves in is a lack of ability to find peace with life. While its true that there are plenty of circumstances that it's unrealistic to find peace or at least challenging beyond most people's capacities I do think it's worth our effort, for our own happiness, to attempt cleanup and resolve as much of this as we can.

If I die, live on, and cease to be myself or have me (first name / last name) as just a fuzzy footnote or a stamp in my passport book - it's not a whole lot better or worse than the full anaesthesia of non-existence and I can't say which it will be for certain. Better I suppose to just accept the possibility of both and keep moving.