Would you rather be right or keep a friend ?

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I've often been the third wheel so to speak and been ganged up on. That's the reality of not fitting in. Not much social cost to being mean to the outsider..

I will always stick up for anyone being ostracised even if I don't agree with them and I will take the hit In popularity. I have affinity with outsiders.

Last edited by jimmyjazzuk on 03 Mar 2022, 11:43 pm, edited 2 times in total.

You ain't the only one.

So do I.
I think it isn't that uncommon for those who have been brutalised by gangs of bullies.

Yes. It's also making up for the times where i wasn't able to stick up for myself!

Popular people used to say, why do you hang out with him?? Why do you even care?

as a science experiment, take a piece of paper and divide it down the middle. on the left side write what plusses there are to your relationship with these sisters, and on the right side write down the negatives, and whichever side has more entries wins the day. if the negatives win out, then DITCH these sisters as you would any toxic thing in your life.

In this situation I feel the question to ask is whether or not people who refuse to accept the validity of your feelings are really friends to start with.

The tempering question is to look at when they discounted your feelings: while riled up and on a roll (meaning they didn't really think it through) or when it was brought up later, with you explaining that it hurt you.

The fact that you felt hurt is an undeniable truth that real friends will acknowledge and want to mitigate in the future.

Whether or not their actions were socially acceptable and can have been expected to cause hurt is subject to opinion.

But even when a friend disagrees about whether or not something should have caused hurt, they should be concerned that it did, in fact, cause hurt, and not try to turn it around and throw it back on you.

People have a right to their feelings, and all feelings are valid, as the saying goes. There are, of course, different ways to express your hurt, and some are much better than others. When you state the reality of your hurt, don't engage in hurtful behavior by using critical words or casting blame. In my experience, it works best to make a simple statement, such as "I was hurt when X happened."

There is only one thing to consider:
Does Jimmy want to establish a romantic relationship with one of them...

Sometimes even when you are willing to admit you are wrong, the person you have to admit it to is insufferable. If you are that insufferable person, your friend may have made the calculation that the friendship is not worth the trouble.

Sometimes being a gracious winner means not rubbing it in. Or even just letting it go.

[it doesn't sound like this is the case, I mention this because sometimes we can be pretty insufferable when we are right]

Oi!
I resemble that remark!
I am generally insufferable *all* the time then.

There are no “degrees” of truth — There is only the truth and those who deny, disbelieve, distort, ignore, misrepresent, omit, or slander the truth. Such a person would never be my friend in the first place, because people who cannot properly handle the truth never seem to want to be my friend either. If they claim otherwise, their lies will eventually be revealed and their friendship with me will end immediately.

Sucks to be them.

A bit theatrical, but OK.

Doesn’t sound like this is so much a case of factual right and wrong as it is about moral right and wrong.

Now, bear in mind that I have only heard your side of the story, but it sounds like your friend treated you badly. There might be room for reconciliation, but I also wouldn’t blame you if you wanted nothing to do with her in future. I don’t think you’re being too stubborn.

---

Clue: What's Black And White;

Wrong And Right;

Good And Bad;

Skunks
Are Lovely
Creatures that
Walk the Night;

Black And White
Thinking is Fear,
Essence of Division,
Separation, Malcontent,
Agression, Violence, Hatred

And Wars That End Lives Callous
Without Regard For Differences A
Helping Hand up of Cognitive Empathy Truly Helps

To Actually Come to Understand More of the Perceived
Enemy And Even Love Folks Who Only See BLacK And White

Never Mind me
Dear Skunk
Continue

on The
Way You
Are Colored With SMiLEs..

---

I'm guessing you don't want to reveal "what actually happened."

I cannot tell whether or not you overreacted. I'm not really good at assessing hypotheticals (i.e., what seems hypothetical to me because I don't know the specifics).

Many times, it's better not to get affected by things too much, especially if the "thing" is petty----but, feelings should be validated, nevertheless, no matter how seemingly "petty."

I try not to get affected by things----but I don't always succeed.

I have an illness that can make me very on edge and sensitive so I know I over react that's why I haven't said what it was.

It basically happened on an internet stream I thought I was friends with 3 sisters who all share a stream together streaming videogames. I was friends on Facebook with 2 of them no problem, we talk regularly, and I sent a friend request to the third one whilst a stream was happening and one of the sisters even vetted me saying I was cool. (She only knew my first name) We then talked about the stream in Dm's occasionally since last October.

Anyway a stream a couple days ago she asks me on stream in front of an audience how I found her Facebook and she didn't know who I was and that she thought I was a even perhaps a co worker. The tone felt pretty accusatory.

(I "found" her because I saw they all interact publicly on my facebook news feed and they call her by her real name on stream sometimes.)

I said I was vetted after she seemingly had a problem and the other sister was really aggressive "what do you MEAN vetted"

So I dm'd the aggressive one saying why was she like that and I was embarrassed and you know the rest. The one who 'vetted' me kept quiet. I was made to feel like a creep in front of everyone.

The only one I fell out with was the more aggressive one. I guess the other sister just forgot what had happened.

Anyway I feel silly and wish I'd just ignored it and had thicker skin.