Top 17 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong

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17. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

16. Gay culture is a new fad created by the liberal media to undermine long-standing traditions. We know this is true because gay sex did not exist in ancient Greece and Rome.

15. There are plenty of straight families looking to adopt, and every unwanted child already has a loving family. This is why foster care does not exist.

14. Conservatives know best how to create strong families. That is why it is not true that Texas and Mississippi have the highest teen birthrates, and Massachusetts, Vermont, and New Hampshire have the lowest. This is a myth spread by the liberal media.

13. Marriage is a religious institution, defined by churches. This is why atheists do not marry. Christians also never get a divorce.

12. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why our society has no single parents.

11. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

10. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

9. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

8. Gay marriage should be decided by the people and their elected representatives, not the courts. The framers checked the courts, which represent mainstream public opinion, with legislatures created to protect the rights of minorities from the tyranny of the majority. Interference by courts in this matter is inappropriate, just as it has been every time the courts have tried to hold back legislatures pushing for civil rights.

7. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because "separate but equal" institutions are a good way to satisfy the demands of uppity minority groups.

5. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

4. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

3. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

2. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

1. METEORS and VOLCANOES.

Well I disagree with most of that, it certainly wouldn't undermine society since the percentage of gay people might be a mighty force if they decided to do something with it, only thing is, most gay people just want to do nice ordinary things like everyone else, like eat, sleep, work, have fun, love, bring up nice children and generally enjoy life.

Strawmen/parodies. Very interesting. Ridiculing your opponent's side causes victory, wow.

Strawmen/parodies. Very interesting. Ridiculing your opponent's side causes victory, wow.

Okay, iamnotaparakeet, let's hear a reasoned argument as to why gay people shouldn't get married. And no, that does not permit appeal to the Torah, the Qu'ran, the Bible, the Baghavad Gita, or any other religious texts - while often informed in the past by religious convictions, ours is still at base a secular society, with secular laws (despite the best efforts of evangelical radicals to rewrite the Constitution).

The arguments mocked above are, in fact, the only arguments I have yet heard advanced. The two guys next door getting married will ruin my marriage? How, exactly? It's a change in the institution of marriage, and gub'mint shouldn't get involved? Three words: Loving v. Virginia. That was a change...

2. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

Firstly, what is gay and what is natural?

Natural, in this specific case, refers to the bodies of both sexes: male and female. With the exception, or rather statistical aberration, of hermaphrodites there are only these two sexes. The body of the woman is designed for the man and the body of the man is designed for the woman; the vulva and vagina are designed for the penis and the shaft and crest are designed for the clitoris. These items of our bodies are built for each other whether the users are learned as to their function or not.

On a side note, the applications of anal, oral, or manual masturbations are not natural uses of these body parts. Those the practices exist, it is not what the parts were meant for. Similar, though not exactly like, cooking a steak in a toaster. I understand the female may need manual stimulation of the clitoris, but that is a more natural use than inserting a sexual organ into part of the digestive tract though not natural enough to justify the actions of lesbians. Thus, I differentiate between designed function and practiced function.

What is homosexuality then, I define it as attraction to the same sex; id est, the desire for practicing a function of two bodies apart from and without regard for what they are designed for.

Firstly, what is gay and what is natural?

Natural, in this specific case, refers to the bodies of both sexes: male and female. With the exception, or rather statistical aberration, of hermaphrodites there are only these two sexes. The body of the woman is designed for the man and the body of the man is designed for the woman; the vulva and vagina are designed for the penis and the shaft and crest are designed for the clitoris. These items of our bodies are built for each other whether the users are learned as to their function or not.

On a side note, the applications of anal, oral, or manual masturbations are not natural uses of these body parts. Those the practices exist, it is not what the parts were meant for. Similar, though not exactly like, cooking a steak in a toaster. I understand the female may need manual stimulation of the clitoris, but that is a more natural use than inserting a sexual organ into part of the digestive tract though not natural enough to justify the actions of lesbians. Thus, I differentiate between designed function and practiced function.

What is homosexuality then, I define it as attraction to the same sex; id est, the desire for practicing a function of two bodies apart from and without regard for what they are designed for.

Will change the foundation of society? What do they mean by that?
Society is always changing no matter what. It's still changing as we speak.

Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home? Now they're putting down children raised from single parent homes? I'm a single child myself, I guess I'm just a failure.

I guess you could say I don't agree with most of it because there's no data to back it up espeacially the church's involvement to sanctimony, they bring that one up all the time. I'm not exactly an atheist myself but you see plenty of straight atheists getting married. What about people of another belief besides Christianity? Do they have a right to be married? People who use the biblical propaganda seem to have double standards in terms of marriage. Not to mention the "facts" sound irrational and unclear in some of those topics. They're not doing a good job at explaining in depth of why each situation is wrong.

And this pertains to the concept of marriage (an institution of the state, having nothing to do with anyone's notion of "natural") how, exactly?

You have not provided a reasoned argument against gay marriage; you have merely provided your own definition of homosexuality, and your own personal reason why you disapprove of it. That has nothing to do with the subject at hand.

Further, I submit that homosexuality can be seen in a number of species, including wolves, dolphins, bonobo chimpanzees, and geese. "Unnatural"? Or just unusual?

Or do you believe that the only purpose of marriage is to provide some sort of "cover" for sex, providing only that it leads to children? If so, then impotent men, infertile women, and anyone subject to paralysis (Stephen Hawking, eg) must clearly be prohibited from marrying, lest this infect the very roots of our society!

So? Not that valid of an argument. I mean, gay marriage isn't the same as gay sex, and unless you are trying to reinvoke sodomy laws(which would likely be ineffective anyway) what is the point? People do unnatural things all of the time, but does something being unnatural mean we should illegalize it? No.