Devil's Advocate, Part II

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Awesomelyglorious once started a very entertaining thread called "Argue for a position you do not believe in" which somehow managed to remain on topic and civil for a very long time. It has long since sunk into oblivion, but it was a fun concept and I'm bringing it back. The rules should be obvious if you are not a moron, so I won't bother explaining them. Try to pick something interesting, at least. And no cheating.

A universal draft should be mandatory, during times of peace as well as war. In the increasingly hostile world in which America can no longer so easily claim absolute dominance, it is imperative that we go to any and all lengths to retain our military superiority, and we can't do that while the spoiled youth of our nation neglect their sacred duty to defense of the motherland. Military service is the solemn obligation of any who would call themselves loyal citizens, and should be a prerequisite to voting and even to owning property. We have cheapened liberty by granting it to everyone on the basis that they live here; it is time for the people to learn that freedom isn't free. All Americans, male and female, able-bodied and crippled, natural-born and illegal alien, honor student and juvenile delinquent, should at the age of 18 be required to undergo intensive military training and complete at minimum a three-year term of service with no compensation other than food and lodging. After this period, the majority will likely retire to the reserves, but until the age of 50 can still be called up at a moment's notice whenever their country needs them. This will imbue in Americans a heightened sense of patriotism and duty, improve discipline and morality, and ensure that our military will never be understaffed because it will always have plentiful reserves of well-trained soldiers ready to come to America's defense. If there is no need for additional military personnel, then after completing military training the term of national service should be devoted to construction projects or other useful labor for the national government(again, with no compensation other than food and lodging). This will permit the government to produce a surplus of goods at cheap price which it can then export, resolving our trade imbalances. A demand to serve one's country is not tyranny but a just component of the social contract. Your life, liberty, and property are not yours but belong to society as a whole, and your use of them is contingent on that being in line with national interests.

Orwell; I like the idea! however it is the 25 Dec, I have a full house and I have drunk far to much trying to cope with the intricate social complexities required for such an occasion. I will however post an impassioned plea for the separation of cultures and the restriction of migration once I have my full mental capacities restored

Also Orwell, I wish you well for Christmas

Excellent, I look forward to seeing some Aussie xenophobia soon. And merry Christmas to you as well, and my condolences for your social overload.

Humans should stop taking baths. It is not natural to use soap to strip the skin of its protective oils. We should abide by the laws of nature and allow our bodies to reclaim their natural odor because it allows others to get to know us better. When our scent is disguised it gives others a false impression of ourselves and therefore it is a form of manipulation. As humans, we need to be honest with one another so that we can cultivate trust and thereby reduce the rate of criminal activity.

Not wanting to get off topic but red wine is a great equaliser, maybe big J was onto something

Might as well pick something totally horrifying. There are millions of people dying of starvation each year. Why not remove all inhibitions to them eating each other. It will lower the population pressure and it can be worked so that Christians and Muslims eat each other and not their own religious compatriots. A flood of new recipe books should hit the market shortly.

If massive cannibalism is repulsive, we could merely consume politicians and lawyers and financial crooks that commit disasters. That should certainly keep them on their toes.

Here's another very bad idea that has interesting implications. Gun advocates generally believe that if everybody is armed and trained it will discourage criminals. Why not apply that to the international situation? The USA has thousands of atomic weapons it could not use even if the occasion arose so why not give them out to all nations that want them. So far all nations that have attained atomic capability have severely cut down their aggressive tactics. For example, once India and Pakistan have becom atomic powers they have found it much more practical to talk rather than fight. If every nation were given a number of atomic bombs with delivery vehicles and any nation that used one would immediately become a target for atomic reprisal by all the others, it might establish a bit more caution about starting wars.

Well, here is my ironic 'Devil's Advocate' piece:

The United States must become a Christian Theocracy. PRAISE THE LORD! Only by the infallible Word Of God can we overcome the evil plagues of Muslims, Buddhist, homosexuals and rock music. PRAISE THE LORD! We must unquestionably obey the leaders of the Church because they are from God himself! Anyone who asks questions is clearly from SATAN and must PAY dearly for such faithlessness! PRAISE THE LORD! Because when the Leaders are wrong all that proves is that the Devil can trick anyone and we faithful sheep need the Leaders even MORE because of these undeniable facts that cannot be doubted! PRAISE THE LORD!

Our people must be governed by the Light of the Mosaic Law because its the only law He ever gave us and its the best we have even after He said to stop using it. PRAISE THE LORD! And our young men must all serve as His Holy Warriors to spread the Love and Light of the Lord to the lands of pagans and unbelievers with Holy Genocide! PRAISE THE LORD!

And the Faithful must band together to banish the modern witchcraft known as Science! All of those Filthy Atheists who waste money on particle accelerators and telescopes and THEN have the gall to claim that We are not at the center of the Universe! Money that could have been used to arm our Holy Warriors with more nerve gas! PRAISE THE LORD! What an immoral waste! Then there are those Filthy Paleontologists who most demonically cooperate with Satan's deception of the so-called dinosaur bones! Such hearsay! Claiming that earth is more then 6000 years old and this horrid evolution blasphemy! PRISE THE LORD! May He forgive us for ever allowing Science with in our borders and darken our lands! No wonder He allowed the Evil Muslims to carry out 9/11 with their magical jet fuel that can melt steel and magical disappearing airplane that hit our valiant commanders in the Pentagon! And then the punishment He sent in hurricane Katrina! And the Evil Scientists even go so far as to blame US for the storm by this 'global warming' lie, THEY want to take away our God Given Right to burn gas and coal! Those evil scientists would tare down down our God Blessed corporations and leave us defenseless against the godless likes of the French and the Canadians!

PRAISE THE LORD! We will prevail over the falsely called 'rationalists' and those who spout Satanic propaganda of tolerance and understanding! We will stomp out gays and science and the Smurfs! We will be blessed for a thousand years! PRAISE THE LORD!

WE WILL PREVAIL!

PRAISE THE LORD!

All women should get breast implants.

Let's face it, natural boobs are ugly. And they're never big enough. There's no such thing as big enough. And it's not like there are any other parts of a woman that are beautiful.

Barbie had it right all along, except her boobs weren't big enough. If she's not skinny enough to make a toothpick look fat, she's not skinny enough.

Some people believe we should look inside someone to find their inner beauty. Well me too, if the sacks of silicone inside her are big enough.

(This is a good idea, cos it's actually quite hard to argue for something you disagree with. Like when we have debates at school, they don't let you choose what side you're on. It would be hard for me to argue anti-immigration, because I strongly believe that immigration is important and enriches the lives of many. So I'll try that one now...)

OK...in nature, people and animals should stick to their own kind. They don't mix, and this keeps the races pure. Pure races are how God intended it, and to disobey God's law is evil and will bring about the apocalypse.

Yeah, yours is better than mine.