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sgrannel
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29 Sep 2009, 9:55 pm

Why is it that guys who haven't done anything wrong, are sometimes seen as creepy, but real killers, some of them serial killers, actually get women to be attracted to them?

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.c ... 19PDAN.DTL

I remember that gym shooter, too. Somewhere either in the article or in the comments it was said that that guy was "..a loser who couldn't get a girl!"

OK, so he shot a whole bunch of people in a gym. But he can't get a girl! Now that's real bad! If he hadn't killed himself, too, he might be married by now.

I don't get it.


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polymathpoolplayer
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30 Sep 2009, 12:20 am

sgrannel wrote:
Why is it that guys who haven't done anything wrong, are sometimes seen as creepy, but real killers, some of them serial killers, actually get women to be attracted to them?

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.c ... 19PDAN.DTL

I remember that gym shooter, too. Somewhere either in the article or in the comments it was said that that guy was "..a loser who couldn't get a girl!"

OK, so he shot a whole bunch of people in a gym. But he can't get a girl! Now that's real bad! If he hadn't killed himself, too, he might be married by now.

I don't get it.


Part One: Because women mis-identify creepiness for being dangerous, when in fact the only time these creepy men DO get dangerous is when they are shunned their whole life.

Part Two: Because women cannot see thru sociopathic behavior and are mesmerized by charm, allowing them to sometimes overlook pure evil and admire the power the evil person wielded, instead of feeling the way the average man would feel about the criminal, that is, get a weapon and kill the MOFO.



sgrannel
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30 Sep 2009, 1:07 am

There's actually a whole family of these paraphilias, and this one is called hybristophilia.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hybristophilia
http://www.rotten.com/library/sex/hybristophilia/

The slant on this is that hybristophilia is supposed to affect predominantly women, but there's nothing intrinsically gender specific. Can anyone else shed some light on this?


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Janissy
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01 Oct 2009, 9:48 am

The closest I can get to understanding this is seeing it as the female equivalent of autoerotic asphyxiation. There are just some people out there who are willing to risk death for really thrilling sex. I don't see the thrill of a really evil, violent man. And I assume you don't see the thrill in nearly (or actually) hanging yourself. But there are people out there who do. I would just file this one under "different strokes" and not try too hard to make sense of it.



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01 Oct 2009, 10:22 am

I agree with Janissy that much of it is the danger and forbidden-ness, as well as maybe some kind of rebellion?

Also, lots of sociopaths can be really charismatic.

Another thing might be that some women feel that only a truly horrible person could ever love them. They might feel that they don't deserve the love of a good person, but that they might be able to get the love of a bad person. It doesn't work, practically, because bad people usually consider themselves better than good people consider themselves, but there's still this tendency to think that if somebody is even worse than you are, than they might like you.

Also, so often a guy who seems good at first changes. Maybe there's a feeling that if they know that this man is a killer, at least the fact that he's not a good person wouldn't come later, as a surprise.



CRD
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01 Oct 2009, 5:02 pm

Ok lets think about this for a sec these men will never get out of jail ever. So they will never disapoint or cheat on the bat*** crazy women that "date" them. It's a safe thrill Scot Peterson isn't going to be able to hurt them because he's never going to see the outside of a jail. It's like an amusment park ride for crazy loney sad women who can't deal with a day to day relationship.



Janissy
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01 Oct 2009, 5:49 pm

CRD wrote:
Ok lets think about this for a sec these men will never get out of jail ever. So they will never disapoint or cheat on the bat*** crazy women that "date" them. It's a safe thrill Scot Peterson isn't going to be able to hurt them because he's never going to see the outside of a jail. It's like an amusment park ride for crazy loney sad women who can't deal with a day to day relationship.


You know what? I couldn't wrap my head around it because it seems so dangerous and I don't understand why people would dabble in sex that can lead to death. But you bring up a very good point. It just [i]seems[i] dangerous but in fact is very safe--- assuming he never gets out. The amusement park ride analogy explains it quite well.



sgrannel
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05 Oct 2009, 1:15 am

Janissy wrote:
CRD wrote:
Ok lets think about this for a sec these men will never get out of jail ever. So they will never disapoint or cheat on the bat*** crazy women that "date" them. It's a safe thrill Scot Peterson isn't going to be able to hurt them because he's never going to see the outside of a jail. It's like an amusment park ride for crazy loney sad women who can't deal with a day to day relationship.


You know what? I couldn't wrap my head around it because it seems so dangerous and I don't understand why people would dabble in sex that can lead to death. But you bring up a very good point. It just [i]seems[i] dangerous but in fact is very safe--- assuming he never gets out. The amusement park ride analogy explains it quite well.


But there's no sex. Convicted killers are often not allowed conjugal visits. Once I heard on the TV that many of these women claim they've "had enough sex for two lifetimes", sure, whatever. Many of these women are older and out of shape. Maybe this whole convicted criminal thing gives them the opportunity to have a self esteem boost from having a fake relationship with someone who will never make the sort demands or suggestions which are typical of real relationships, such as wanting the woman to get back into shape so she doesn't die at an early age from an obesity-related disease.


Maggiedoll wrote:
Also, so often a guy who seems good at first changes. Maybe there's a feeling that if they know that this man is a killer, at least the fact that he's not a good person wouldn't come later, as a surprise.


So maybe that's one of my problems. I try too hard to not let my deficiencies show when I first meet people. If I tell all about the good things about myself, people are left to wonder what horrible secret I must have. If some negative, drastic thing is disclosed, then it's all uphill from there. What examples of a token negative aspects of yourselves do any of you put forth to get past this? How might I put this to use?


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A boy and his dog sometimes talk to each other
A boy and a dog can be happy sitting down in the woods on a log
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CRD
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05 Oct 2009, 11:39 am

Alot of women have sexual disfuntion and the no sex aspect of the deal might be a big plus for the women that like men that will never beable to get out of jail.