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Res Aspect
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Joined: 4 Jan 2019
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Location: The Batcave

05 Jan 2019, 12:48 am

Hi, I'm a fifteen year old Aussie girl who's Mum has reccently remarried (against my 'wishes') and is cracking up (being annoyed) at my 'aggressiveness' to her new husband. They are about 20 years apart and he's almost in his seventies. We've just come out of an abusive home where my biological father used to both physically assult and sexually assult us kids (all seven of us), so naturally I am extremely uneasy when it comes to being around older men, but I'm not usually bothered by it (meaning I can overcome my uneasiness a lot faster now). I've always acted the way I act now with my mother (she was the type to never give affection but somehow always secretly criticizing us kids for not showing any affection) but now with her new husband, she's constantly griping onto me about the way I do things, when I get stressed and start to get more 'blunt' and less sociable, that I always respond to her snapping and yelling at me with snapping and yelling back, that I don't 100% agree with the religon we're in and whenever I ask a question (that I'm always encouraged to do mind you) I'm basically yelled at and get no privileges ('discipline') and then I get even more frustrated and 'aggressive'.
My sister (half sister who is also Aspergers and is about 27-ish - my only saving grace and the onky one who doesn' drive me up the wall) just tells me to ignore it and, if it helps, ignore them. So I do, but they're not letting me ignore them and when I want space, they don't give me any and basically barrel down on me about stuff. But when I want attention and want a decent conversation, they turn it into a 'blah blah blah such a problem child blah blah blah' and its honestly starting to REALLY grate on my nerves. I've been as nice as I can be, have always managed to narrowly avoid meltdowns but I'm at my wits end. And now, because I've been SOOOOO aggressive, my mother won't let me sleep over at my sister's house (which she can rarely once in a blue moon allow since she has a business and a family of her own). I am REALLY frustrated and annoyed.

And before someone says that I should try explaining Autism/Aspergers to them, I have tried. Keyword being TRIED. They refuse to even listen to me, and now they're started to practically harass my little brother who is not only Autistic but also has Dyspraxia and he's starting to get affected by it.

Is there any help anyone can suggest to help deal with this problem?

Cheers,
Res.


UPDATE: So, quick update not only an hour after this post was made, we had a bit of a fight and I told them I needed some space and they told me that they would. Around four o'clock we were supposed to be at a little gathering thing with some people that I actually like and I have really been excited about it all week. It was 3:55 and I got up (was watching youtube in my room), going out to tell everyone that we had to go. Instead of a bustling house that we were used to (we were that kind of family), I was greeted with an empty house. I was confused, I started looking around, a complete ghost town. Then I started freaking the absolute hell out and was running everywhere trying to find my family. Turns about, without telling their teenage, aspergers, anxiety and depression riden daughter that they were leaving (as they always did), they went to the gathering without me. I was on the phone with my sister bawling my eyes out repeatedly telling her that I didn't know where my family was, and she told me that she could see them at the gathering. I was not only angry but relieved and so stressed out that I couldn't even think, all this time I was also bawling my eyes out on the phone while my sister, her husband and her nine year old child were in the car. Her husband offered to drive me there (not old enough to drive and there wasn't any cars anyway), and they hung up saying that they were going to talk to my Mum. About 5-10 minutes later, my sister called me back and both her and her husband explained to me that my mother didn't want me to attend anyway (no signs of remorse that I could see coming from her repeated words, almost as if I didn't spend a whole 20-30 minutes at this point freaking out about my family's disappearance).

I'm tried and frustrated. Also, thanks cberg for your reply, made me feel a little less crazy.

Cheers,
R.



Last edited by Res Aspect on 05 Jan 2019, 1:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

cberg
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05 Jan 2019, 12:53 am

First of all, you're being completely reasonable. Harassment like what you described in your current situation is not strictly speaking legal; if they won't leave you alone, they will need some doors slammed in their faces & a clear picture of what you can do about this legally. I've called the cops on my dad before & while they didn't really do anything, that clarified to him that he can either respect my space, property & statements or get arrested.

If they can't learn to be respectful, ultimately you can scare them into respecting you anyway. I wish there were a better solution but people like your folks seriously need to understand why their disrespect & expectations are actually against the law. If you have a drivers' license or a bike, or any means of getting around, use those. I don't think you're ignoring them as much as they're ignoring you, you can remedy this by hanging around nicer people in your life when these things happen.

I wouldn't hesitate to steal my dad's car if he were to revert to this behavior & mine wasn't around. I hope someone else can give you some more diplomatic solutions but if family is this problematic for you, they don't deserve any chances to keep chewing your ear off. I think living with your sister would be a great idea if you can work that out.


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Res Aspect
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Joined: 4 Jan 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 4
Location: The Batcave

05 Jan 2019, 2:38 am

cberg wrote:
First of all, you're being completely reasonable. Harassment like what you described in your current situation is not strictly speaking legal; if they won't leave you alone, they will need some doors slammed in their faces & a clear picture of what you can do about this legally. I've called the cops on my dad before & while they didn't really do anything, that clarified to him that he can either respect my space, property & statements or get arrested.

If they can't learn to be respectful, ultimately you can scare them into respecting you anyway. I wish there were a better solution but people like your folks seriously need to understand why their disrespect & expectations are actually against the law. If you have a drivers' license or a bike, or any means of getting around, use those. I don't think you're ignoring them as much as they're ignoring you, you can remedy this by hanging around nicer people in your life when these things happen.

I wouldn't hesitate to steal my dad's car if he were to revert to this behavior & mine wasn't around. I hope someone else can give you some more diplomatic solutions but if family is this problematic for you, they don't deserve any chances to keep chewing your ear off. I think living with your sister would be a great idea if you can work that out.


Thanks a lot. Finally figured out how to post replies lol.

Cheers,
R.