Relationships with my family

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Lately, I've been feeling that I don't have a close relationship with my family, and that I don't really want a relationship with my family. I'm 17, and I've always sort of felt like this, but I didn't start to think about it until now. I like my mom, but I have issues with my other family members that keep me from having a good relationship with them. My family loves me, and they do care about me, but I've been feeling as though we're too different from each other, and we have various personality traits that keep me from getting closer with them.

First, there's my dad. He's not a bad person, but I feel as though he's done many questionable things over the years that keep me from getting close with me. My dad can be a nice, funny person, but he tends to lose his patience pretty easily, and he yells at us when he's angry at us, or when we did something wrong. Additionally, I'm a sensitive person, and I tend to cry when my dad yells at me. I don't know why I do this, but whenever my dad yells at me, he seems EXTREMELY angry at me, and it feels as though the world is going to end, or something. I cry whenever my dad yells at me, because I don't know what else to do, and it's a natural reaction for me. Unfortunately, my crying makes my dad angrier, and he yells at me even more. This has been going on for years, and he still does it to me these days. He also yells at my brother, but my brother doesn't cry whenever my dad yells at him. My mom has even talked to my dad, and gotten into fights with him about how he yells at me and makes me cry, but he still does it. I feel as though my dad turns into a bully at times, when he yells at us. Additionally, I remember this one time where I was driving with my dad, and I cried because I got sad about something. My crying made my dad angry at me, and he never tried to console me, or give a hug when I cried. He just got mad at me. Also, I was going to tell my mom about how my dad yelled at me and made me cry when we were driving together, and he got SO mad. He actually told me that I wasn't allowed to tell my mom that about what he did to me. My dad also said that crying is a sign of weakness.

Also, there have been times where my dad and mom snap back at each other, and make remarks about each other. My dad even slapped my mom on the butt when my family and I were in Italy, in front of everyone.

Next, there are my siblings. My brother is alright, but I don't have a close relationship with him. He's a pretty quiet person who is calm, and doesn't draw a lot of attention to himself. My brother's not a bad person, but I just don't really care for him. I love him, but I don't feel close to him. Also, my brother gets frustrated with me easily and loses his patience, like my dad, but to a lesser extent. My brother doesn't yell at me like my dad does, but he expresses annoyance and frustration at me. My sister is a nice, friendly, outgoing person, but she gets grumpy at times, and also gets irritated somewhat easily. Overall, I just feel different from my family. My family seems to be a bunch of normal people, and I'm the black sheep, in some ways. I'm that odd guy that doesn't quite fit in with my family. I want to be by myself most of the time, and I don't feel that close to my family. Am I the only person who feels like this? Sorry if this post is too long.

I assure you, you're not the only one.

I've never felt particularly close to my family. I know love them, but I don't really feel an actual emotional closeness to them. And It doesn't really have anything to do with them as people, because they're all lovely in their own ways. Of course, I don't always get along with them, but I love them.

That being said, I'm not sure how I 'know' that I love them. I don't really feel the emotional part unless I really think about it, and sometimes not even then.

The only person I feel close to in my immediate family is my much younger sister (there's a 10 year age gap). But, I figure that's a bit of maternal instinct or something since I've helped take care of her since she was a baby.

And your dad really shouldn't get mad at you for crying. It's a natural response to stress.

I think the emotional distance is caused partially because I'm different. "Like goes with like" and all that jazz. People (generally) have an easier time connecting to people like them, and if you're different from your family, you might feel distant.

Crying doesn't mean you're weak. It means you have been strong for too long.

Louis