I feel like the only one with FOMO and FOGO

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chris1989
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12 Apr 2021, 2:38 pm

FOMO - Fear of Missing Out
FOGO - Fear of Going Out

Today is 12th April and I don't know why but hearing about other young people heading down to the pub and celebrating after nearly four months of lockdown, is making me feel quite green with envy but I won't go there because I don't feel very comfortable because many of them were not wearing masks or social distancing and when there is a lot of that behaviour around I prefer to stay away in my own leisure time and I don't go to pubs a lot anyway even in non-pandemic times. I do at times feel as though I am the only one feeling this way and everyone else isn't and are having fun regardless of the risk. I seem to think how long am I going to be this way ? When can I go back out to the places I used to enjoy ? Its as though I won't do it until there is less virus around but when will that be ? I don't know like to trying to predict the weather in three months time.



Joe90
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12 Apr 2021, 6:22 pm

Oh my God I know exactly how you feel! :heart:
Having both FOMO and FOGO merged together is very difficult to live with and it's very difficult for other people to understand.
A lot of people just think that FOMO = naturally wanting to go out and FOGO = choosing to be unsociable.

I think there are two ways a person with ASD can avoid FOMO and FOGO throughout their lives:-
1. Be self-absorbed (not in a bad way) enough to not get emotionally affected by other people
2. Not be surrounded by so many neurotypicals

Fact: Both of these are more or less beyond a person's control, so it's almost impossible for a socially-orientated, highly cognitively empathetic, overthinking depressed Aspie to not get FOMO and FOGO.

Annoying conversation I have had with people before:-

Me: I feel depressed and lonely because I'm not going out tonight with all the others
Other person: Then go out, if you want to
Me: I'm too shy/social anxiety
Other person: Then don't go out if you don't want to
Me: It's not that I don't want to by choice...
Other person: Then go out
Me: Uhh, and NTs are supposed to be expertly skilled at putting themselves into someone else's shoes?

TL;DR - Basically, you have the same desires as the average NT to go out and socialise but you feel you would enjoy it more if you didn't have ASD and/or social anxiety. Social anxiety can maybe be worked on but you're stuck with ASD for the rest of your life which is sh***y. :cry:


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Marknis
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12 Apr 2021, 7:10 pm

I don’t have FOGO since I have to leave the home or I’ll suffer even worse depressed feelings. I do have FOMO and it keeps me depressed even when I am out of the house. Even during this pandemic, people are still doing things like socializing out in public and even partying; I hear the latter from people at work. I hate it because it’s like everyone but me is allowed to socialize and my invitation to the party got lost in the mail.



SportsGamer35728
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12 Apr 2021, 9:16 pm

You're far from alone!! I've got a touch of it while patiently waiting for live sporting events to return to full capacity!! Hell I'm seriously considering getting Buffalo Bills and Sabres season tickets to make up for the lost time :P



HeroOfHyrule
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14 Apr 2021, 1:31 pm

I have both FOGO and FOMO, even before the pandemic. It's definitely very frustrating to deal with.



CockneyRebel
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14 Apr 2021, 1:37 pm

I have FOMO to the point that if I phone both Barb and Dean and they're both out, I really start to worry that I'm missing out. I also have that feeling when I'm thinking about my family and I wonder if my sister is going there more than my parents wish to tell me. I know that there's a deadly pandemic going on and both my mum and I have underlying health conditions. I just have a fear that I'm missing out.


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Edna3362
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14 Apr 2021, 11:38 pm

Not me.
But by proxy, maybe.

I never feared missing things out.
Because I will know there will always be a day something will happen.
And because I actually got more -- maybe I'm more easily content than not. :lol: It's them who's missing out sometimes.

Also people are more worried about me missing out than me worrying about anything to do with it -- not that I do -- it gets annoying sometimes whenever I say no and they don't listen...

This is likely cultural than mere NT dynamics.

It's called paglapit and pakikilahok -- which means to approach and participate respectively.
Not a direct translation in context, but it implies inclusiveness of self (being participative) and others (being inviting).



I never feared going out.
Yet I act upon someone else's fear of going out.
It's a headache. It feels like being held back. But it's something I have to honor for as long as I'm attached enough to care.



But in truth, OP, you're not the only one.
There are more than enough people in the world living in fear of missing out and going out, and for reasons little to do with either or both.

In fact that's how I summarized most people in the world. :lol: The reality is that all of these are optional -- their mind, their upbringing says otherwise.


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IsabellaLinton
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15 Apr 2021, 12:41 am

I have FOGO but no fear of missing anything, so it works out just perfectly. I guess I also have DOBA.

Desire of Being Alone.



OutsideView
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15 Apr 2021, 4:03 am

Well I've learnt some new acronyms here. I can relate to having FOMO and FOGO. I'm definitely not a party animal but I do like to have fun and would like to be able to have more friends; scared of going to places and interacting with people though. Sometimes one feeling wins out, sometimes the other. As for the virus, it's not getting ill that stresses me out but the changes that are in place when you go anywhere. I have quite a lot of DOBA too.


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