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I went from moral and pure to evil and dirty sinner

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hurtloam
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12 Apr 2021, 5:22 am

salad wrote:
I don't even know who I am anymore. I used to be certain that I knew the truth, that I would never ever have attraction or fall in love, never ever waste time on frivolous nonsense, never ever drink anything but water, but after falling so low and losing my morals and self I don't even know who I am anymore. I feel like im at war with myself, like there's something wrong with me, like I don't even know right from wrong anymore.

I wish I wasn't so lost and confused. I wish I could be the righteous and honorable person I used to be and knew I was


Do you want to tell us a bit about this person you are attracted to? Are you worried that they won't like you back? Do you feel uncertain about what to do next? Are you scared of the idea of letting someone else into your life?

Change can be difficult for those of us on the spectrum. It is completely understandable if you felt anxious or apprehensive about your life taking a different direction to the one you were expecting.



SabbraCadabra
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12 Apr 2021, 11:27 pm

salad wrote:
Ive made attraction only forbidden to myself because it feels wrong and dirty for me, which is why I have forbidden myself from love and marriage

So "chastity", then.
I have to imagine there are self-help books for that kind of thing out there? I mean unless one is asexual/aromantic/etc., it's got to be very difficult to keep oneself from growing an attraction to others.


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BeaArthur
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13 Apr 2021, 1:34 pm

Salad, your code is impossibly rigid. It might actually be that you NEED things like juice and an outlet for your sex drive. Possibly your "failed suicide attempt" and a little time in hospital helped you crack this tough nutshell you have been held in by.

I'm glad your suicide attempt failed. Get some psychological help. This is a very dangerous time for you and you need guidance and acceptance as you go through it.

I'm going to avoid this thread going forward because I am no longer anyone's savior, but I do wish you well.


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