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Marknis
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04 May 2021, 10:54 pm

I wish committing suicide would be easy so I could put myself out of my misery and no longer be tortured by my mind. The only thing that has really kept me from truly carrying out any act is my dislike of pain since getting hurt physically is unbearable. Even when my friend and I practice martial arts with weapons, being poked with a punji stick feels extremely painful and almost makes me not want to pursue any further training.

I suppose I could just overdose on my medications though I’ve heard they can lead to slow and excruciating deaths and even if medical intervention saves you, it could leave you with a ruined mind for the rest of your life. If that happened, I would probably be even more at the mercy of those who bully me. I would be considered “retarded” and wouldn’t be able to protect myself.



kitesandtrainsandcats
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04 May 2021, 11:31 pm

I saw your post in things which made one unhappy,
"I feel like suicide is my only solution."

Question, are there ever differences between feelings about a thing
and the actuality of the thing?


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Marknis
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05 May 2021, 12:09 am

I’m just so despondent about my life and how nothing ever goes my way.



salad
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05 May 2021, 12:27 am

Marknis wrote:
I’m just so despondent about my life and how nothing ever goes my way.


Quick question: have you ever tried to seriously go to the gym and workout and get results from it? I ask because given how desperate you are for a girlfriend I would assume a strong, chiseled and robust physique is the 1st place I would try.


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kitesandtrainsandcats
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05 May 2021, 12:27 am

Marknis wrote:
despondent about my life and how nothing ever goes my way.

Life can hit that point, true.
And it is a dark point.
My Dad was there in 1980s when his health inexplicably crashed and ended his Navy career.
He was hospitalized for some months for being suicidal.
My own life has had several crashes.
I don't recall having been suicidal.
I think I'm telling the truth there.
I do recall my line of thought being something like,
"Okay, I am totally not winning now but I for damn sure will never win from 6 feet under."

I've had multiple health crashes. Have been homeless twice. Have a failed marriage with fully half the failure my own fault.

But yet,
"Okay, I am totally not winning now but I for damn sure will never win from 6 feet under."

Just exactly what that "win" is I have decided to not define.

But as long as I'm living I have the potential to do it.

And being here and having the potential is good enough for me.

I sure as hell won't have that potential from 6 feet under.


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salad
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05 May 2021, 12:30 am

kitesandtrainsandcats wrote:
Marknis wrote:
despondent about my life and how nothing ever goes my way.

Life can hit that point, true.
And it is a dark point.
My Dad was there in 1980s when his health inexplicably crashed and ended his Navy career.
He was hospitalized for some months for being suicidal.
My own life has had several crashes.
I don't recall having been suicidal.
I think I'm telling the truth there.
I do recall my line of thought being something like,
"Okay, I am totally not winning now but I for damn sure will never win from 6 feet under."

I've had multiple health crashes. Have been homeless twice. Have a failed marriage with fully half the failure my own fault.

But yet,
"Okay, I am totally not winning now but I for damn sure will never win from 6 feet under."

Just exactly what that "win" is I have decided to not define.

But as long as I'm living I have the potential to do it.

And being here and having the potential is good enough for me.

I sure as hell won't have that potential from 6 feet under.


Wow, that was deep. Like really deep. As someone who himself is battling suicide and was actually planning to commit suicide this week, your post actually may have saved my life and given me the mental inspiration and clarity to keep on living and try to create a better life.


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kitesandtrainsandcats
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05 May 2021, 12:37 am

salad wrote:
to keep on living and try to create a better life.


Salad, I want that for you and have been wanting that for you since some of your posts a week or so ago.


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Marknis
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05 May 2021, 12:41 am

salad wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I’m just so despondent about my life and how nothing ever goes my way.


Quick question: have you ever tried to seriously go to the gym and workout and get results from it? I ask because given how desperate you are for a girlfriend I would assume a strong, chiseled and robust physique is the 1st place I would try.


I used to exercise at gyms but my body never responded to my efforts. I just can’t build any muscle tone no matter how hard I try.



salad
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05 May 2021, 12:53 am

Marknis wrote:
salad wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I’m just so despondent about my life and how nothing ever goes my way.


Quick question: have you ever tried to seriously go to the gym and workout and get results from it? I ask because given how desperate you are for a girlfriend I would assume a strong, chiseled and robust physique is the 1st place I would try.


I used to exercise at gyms but my body never responded to my efforts. I just can’t build any muscle tone no matter how hard I try.


With all due respect that's hard to believe. In the 21st century with the type of science, information and nutritional supplements available it is virtually impossible to not become massively shredded and fit. I should know because my best friend is a bodybuilder and before he started he was literally a twig, and I mean a human toothpick. Now this is how he looks:



I'm not saying genetics cant make a person have a hard time building muscle, trust me as someone of Palestinian ancestry my people are small and skinny and thats the genetics I got. However to say that no matter how hard you work your body won't get results is very unlikely since in the fitness world there are millions of bodybuilders and powerlifters you can look up who had garbage genetics but through a combination of proper scientific research, sound nutrition, and tenacious resolve and doggedness with their workout intensity became monsters.

If you havent gotten the results you wanted working out then find a fitness guru, someone who really knows his stuff, and have them help you. This isn't the 1900s when knowledge of fitness was a lot murkier; this is 2021 where there are literal DNA tests to tell you what foods you should and shouldn't eat, as well as Apps to calculate every parameter of one's fitness regimen from diet to even what time of the day to workout and eat.

Trust me if you really put in the effort, did thorough research and looked up more about fitness the probability of you finding a girlfriend will exponentially increase. Trust me


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Marknis
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05 May 2021, 3:19 pm

I got too much conflicting information on exercise. Some would tell me you have to do it every day, others said every other day. Some said bench pressing works, others said it doesn’t. Some said machines are the way to go, others said free weights are the way to go. Some said the elliptical was a good machine, others said it was a waste of time. I got confused beyond belief.



funeralxempire
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05 May 2021, 3:32 pm

Just like everything else in life, if it was easier I'd have done it already.


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kraftiekortie
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05 May 2021, 7:07 pm

People usually say one should exercise 5 days out of 7 days per week.

And it certainly doesn't have to be weightlifting.

You can walk long distances, and get in decent shape.


But.....get in shape for yourself, not just to get a girlfriend.



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05 May 2021, 8:46 pm

First of all, if you are in an immediate crisis and are going to harm yourself you can contact 911, your local suicide hotline, or just go to the emergency room. I've been there before. I felt totally alone, I only had my mom and she lived states away. I was working a very stressful job, came in one day and couldn't make myself get out of the car. Minutes ticked by and I was late, I started getting calls from my manager. I walked up to the top of the parking garage and was going to, well, y'know... That job was so harmful for me, and I was regularly having panic attacks or just shutting down completely and I couldn't handle it anymore.

It's kind of funny in retrospect, I tried climbing over the barrier, and floundered because I'm physically incompetent. I realized I looked like an idiot and that gave me a moment of clarity and I called the suicide hotline. I honestly didn't have a great experience. I wasn't entirely honest with how severe my situation was, and then the woman on the phone acted like I was just wasting her time. I got so angry at her (my emotions were all over the place at the time) that I was no longer sad or anxious and didn't want to go through with it anymore purely out of spite. Then I answered my manager and between sobs said I was sick and couldn't come in. I took a moment, then went to get McDonalds. Everything seemed much clearer after an hour, and I was pretty happy I didn't go through with it. I would have died or been made a cripple.

Death will come to you in the end anyway, so if your mentality never improves, nature will give you what you want. But choosing to continue life is a no-lose scenario. You lack a lot of things that you want, and are in a lot of emotional pain. If things don't improve, then you'll just be where you're at now when the end comes. But there's the possibility that things will improve, and suicide means there is a 0% chance of you experiencing that. Suicide comes at temporary moments of crisis, and people who live through them usually realize that suicide would have been a mistake. You shouldn't make any major life decisions while consumed by emotion. You wouldn't buy a house while having a mental breakdown, or highs of euphoria (at least, you shouldn't). You also shouldn't make decisions about suicide while feeling such extreme emotions. Cognitive behavioral therapy can teach you coping strategies to get you through crisis moments.



salad
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06 May 2021, 12:53 am

Marknis wrote:
I got too much conflicting information on exercise. Some would tell me you have to do it every day, others said every other day. Some said bench pressing works, others said it doesn’t. Some said machines are the way to go, others said free weights are the way to go. Some said the elliptical was a good machine, others said it was a waste of time. I got confused beyond belief.


Marknis with all due respect for someone as obsessed as you about finding a girlfriend for you to not have tried going down the fitness/bodybuilding/exercise route seems really bizarre since without social skills or a good job a nice, chiseled and strong toned muscular body is literally the surest way to attract a partner given that it signals confidence, hard work and health that makes one a viable partner. If you're telling me that you havent taken the route of intense and arduous fitness because of these flimsy excuses then no offense Marknis but you're never going to find a girlfriend if you let something like that slow you down. In the age of Youtube, wikipedia, research papers, and treasure troves of information online there are literally so much information on fitness and getting in shape one can't honestly tell themselves that they dont know where to start. Find a fitness Youtuber or even real life trainer if you have questions. Follow channels like this:

https://www.youtube.com/user/JDCav24

Or this:

https://www.youtube.com/c/JeffNippard/videos

if you want to know how to exercise properly or get in shape.

Marknis, as someone who bemoans and begrudges the bad cards you were dealt in life and how it hindered you from getting a girlfriend I genuinely suggest you actually seriously and no BS invest in fitness and exercising. Seriously. The benefits are endless and it doesnt matter how bad your genetics are you can easily become built and strong if you are consistent, follow a proper exercise regimen backed by science, and eat properly. It takes discipline, patience, consistency, and not making excuses though to get the results you want.

If you think you have bad genetics look at this guy:

https://www.youtube.com/c/JeffNippard/videos

Jeff Nippard, the personal trainer in this video, is only 5 ft 5. He's basically a shrimp. Yet through research, science backed training, and rigorous training he's a successful youtuber, has a beautiful girlfriend and is living really successfully.

To answer some of your questions:

Free weights always beat machines, however for beginners just starting to get into exercise machines should be used to help one start out and practice with range of motion

Bench pressing is one of the kings of lifting and definitely works.

There are multiple ways to split one's workout week. Some follow a workout regimen where they do an isolated muscle group a day - legs on Monday, chest on Tuesday, biceps on Wednesday, triceps on Thursday, back on Friday, shoulder on Saturday, and rest day on Sunday - while others suggest a push/pull/leg split of working out 3 times a week using overlapping muscle groups once for each of 3 times a week - legs on Monday, Chest+shoulders+triceps on Wednesday, and back+biceps on Friday. There are so many ways to divide one's workout week but the best way most recommend is the push/pull/leg regimen I recommended earlier of doing legs on Monday, Chest+shoulders+triceps on Wednesday, and back+biceps on Friday.

However it doesnt matter which method you choose, because in the end of the day doing something is always better than doing nothing. Look im by no means a fitness expert and no means even interested in getting a girlfriend or partner, however at the very least I want to be in shape and despite starting out knowing nothing about exercise just by doing something, even pushups in my free time, I gained much more than just complaining im not getting results. You have to actually seriously, without looking for another excuse, try to do something you havent tried and do it with effort and guidance. I already recommended 2 fitness YouTubers and there are countless more you can look up, but you have to be willing to put in the work.

Im sounding harsh and tough Marknis because rather than being one of your detractors I want you to get a girlfriend, I want you to have a partner and to be happy because as harsh as I sound im actually one of your supporters who doesnt want to see you miserable and lonely.


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06 May 2021, 1:11 pm

If one fitness technique didn’t work you could just try the other one. Even if you can’t build muscle, exercise releases endorphins that make you feel better mentally. Since I hate working out, I just go for a walk. It hasn’t cured my depression but just makes me a lot less depressed.

I long for someone to save me too. I’ve come to find the human race ain’t like that these days. Everyone is too busy trying to save themselves. I basically got similar problems as Mark here. But I’ve given up trying to get the ideal mate. Prince Charming is not going to materialize. I’m not good enough for that guy. Why get with me when he could go out with someone hotter, smarter, funnier etc. And so, I’m going out with myself! And the internet. I seem to be in a relationship with my iPhone. And also, after living in a rooming house for men for the last four and a half years, I think it has turned me completely lesbian now. I don’t seem to fantasize about men at all anymore. I hardly did before anyway.

Adam Duritz from the counting Crows suffers from dissociative disorder and I heard him say once that he didn’t like the fact that both his parents were doctors. He said “You wouldn’t believe what it did to me” So I guess I’ll give up on the concept that money can buy happiness now.



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06 May 2021, 1:18 pm

Sarahsmith wrote:
If one fitness technique didn’t work you could just try the other one. Even if you can’t build muscle, exercise releases endorphins that make you feel better mentally. Since I hate working out, I just go for a walk. It hasn’t cured my depression but just makes me a lot less depressed.

I long for someone to save me too. I’ve come to find the human race ain’t like that these days. Everyone is too busy trying to save themselves. I basically got similar problems as Mark here. But I’ve given up trying to get the ideal mate. Prince Charming is not going to materialize. I’m not good enough for that guy. Why get with me when he could go out with someone hotter, smarter, funnier etc. And so, I’m going out with myself! And the internet. I seem to be in a relationship with my iPhone. And also, after living in a rooming house for men for the last four and a half years, I think it has turned me completely lesbian now. I don’t seem to fantasize about men at all anymore. I hardly did before anyway.

Adam Duritz from the counting Crows suffers from dissociative disorder and I heard him say once that he didn’t like the fact that both his parents were doctors. He said “You wouldn’t believe what it did to me” So I guess I’ll give up on the concept that money can buy happiness now.


You are good enough. You are more than good enough.


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