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06 May 2021, 2:05 pm

Marknis wrote:
salad wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I’m just so despondent about my life and how nothing ever goes my way.


Quick question: have you ever tried to seriously go to the gym and workout and get results from it? I ask because given how desperate you are for a girlfriend I would assume a strong, chiseled and robust physique is the 1st place I would try.


I used to exercise at gyms but my body never responded to my efforts. I just can’t build any muscle tone no matter how hard I try.


have you tried planking ? i hear great results can be achieved in weeks . six pack city .



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06 May 2021, 2:09 pm

help is available and there are treatments that work
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255
Emergency number
911


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Last edited by Fenn on 06 May 2021, 2:30 pm, edited 2 times in total.

badRobot
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06 May 2021, 2:13 pm

Marknis wrote:
I’m just so despondent about my life and how nothing ever goes my way.


You should deeply internalize that in your current condition these emotions are irrational no matter what your brain tells you.

This is bizzare how our brains works in "cart before the horse" mode all the time. We have bad feelings due to some physiological condition and our brain finds a reason why we have those feelings. Not the other way around.

Ability to experience positive emotions means being able to enjoy life and have motivation. Therapy and mental practices are good for channeling and managing negative emotions, but pretty much useless when it's about our physiological capacity to experience positive emotions. Our brain is a physiological organ, just like our stomach or liver. Experiencing emotions is one of its functions.

To have capacity to experience positive emotions our brain needs certain resources and conditions. These resources and conditions created and supplied by whole body.

To meet brains requirements our body needs:
- fresh air (optimal CO2 and O2 levels),
- direct sunlight (to produce nitric oxide required to reduce stress response),
- physical activity (to increase uptake of amino acids from blood stream and allow tryptophan to cross blood-brain barrier + health benefits + activation of reward system)
- healthy food (to reduce chronic inflammation and increase availability or iron stored in your body)

30 minute walk outdoors in enough to cover the first two.

10 intense burpees is about minimal effective doze to trigger positive processes in your body in terms of physical activity

increasing protein consumption and avoiding sugar is enough for most people to improve mental clarity.



badRobot
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06 May 2021, 2:32 pm

Marknis wrote:
I got too much conflicting information on exercise. Some would tell me you have to do it every day, others said every other day. Some said bench pressing works, others said it doesn’t. Some said machines are the way to go, others said free weights are the way to go. Some said the elliptical was a good machine, others said it was a waste of time. I got confused beyond belief.


It is actually very simple. Exercise is overrated. Nutrition is underrated.

Nutrition is 80% of result: To build muscles you need to increase protein intake. You can't build a house without building blocks.

Exercise is 20%: To trigger muscle growth you need to do lift weights for like 15 minutes twice a week. Warmup, do 3 rounds of 6-8 reps of full body exercise like deadlift and that's more than enough to consistently grow.

More isn't better, every time you strain your muscles you kind of lose some muscle tissue (you don't lose immediately, but damaged cells are marked for breakdown later), but it slowly grows back + some extra, it takes like 2 days to recover to pre-workout state. It makes no sense to lift 5 days a week, you'll end up losing more than gaining.



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06 May 2021, 2:38 pm

That’s true. I really feel like crap both mentally and physically when I don’t eat hardly any protein for a few days.



badRobot
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06 May 2021, 3:00 pm

Sarahsmith wrote:
That’s true. I really feel like crap both mentally and physically when I don’t eat hardly any protein for a few days.


Yes, I don't get why this basic stuff almost never mentioned by mental health professionals when depression is discussed.

To feel good our brain needs materials to synthesize neurotransmitters, those materials are mostly amino acids found in food rich in protein. If your brain can't synthesize these chemicals you feel depressed and fatigued.

But most people completely dismiss the real problem and focus on issues our brain picks pretty much randomly in attempts to rationalize negative emotions when it feels bad due to physiological condition.



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06 May 2021, 3:11 pm

Maybe one of these stories could help:

Stories of Hope


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06 May 2021, 4:12 pm

salad wrote:
Marknis with all due respect for someone as obsessed as you about finding a girlfriend for you to not have tried going down the fitness/bodybuilding/exercise route seems really bizarre since without social skills or a good job a nice, chiseled and strong toned muscular body is literally the surest way to attract a partner given that it signals confidence, hard work and health that makes one a viable partner. If you're telling me that you havent taken the route of intense and arduous fitness because of these flimsy excuses then no offense Marknis but you're never going to find a girlfriend if you let something like that slow you down. In the age of Youtube, wikipedia, research papers, and treasure troves of information online there are literally so much information on fitness and getting in shape one can't honestly tell themselves that they dont know where to start. Find a fitness Youtuber or even real life trainer if you have questions. Follow channels like this:

https://www.youtube.com/user/JDCav24

Or this:

https://www.youtube.com/c/JeffNippard/videos

if you want to know how to exercise properly or get in shape.

Marknis, as someone who bemoans and begrudges the bad cards you were dealt in life and how it hindered you from getting a girlfriend I genuinely suggest you actually seriously and no BS invest in fitness and exercising. Seriously. The benefits are endless and it doesnt matter how bad your genetics are you can easily become built and strong if you are consistent, follow a proper exercise regimen backed by science, and eat properly. It takes discipline, patience, consistency, and not making excuses though to get the results you want.

If you think you have bad genetics look at this guy:

https://www.youtube.com/c/JeffNippard/videos

Jeff Nippard, the personal trainer in this video, is only 5 ft 5. He's basically a shrimp. Yet through research, science backed training, and rigorous training he's a successful youtuber, has a beautiful girlfriend and is living really successfully.

To answer some of your questions:

Free weights always beat machines, however for beginners just starting to get into exercise machines should be used to help one start out and practice with range of motion

Bench pressing is one of the kings of lifting and definitely works.

There are multiple ways to split one's workout week. Some follow a workout regimen where they do an isolated muscle group a day - legs on Monday, chest on Tuesday, biceps on Wednesday, triceps on Thursday, back on Friday, shoulder on Saturday, and rest day on Sunday - while others suggest a push/pull/leg split of working out 3 times a week using overlapping muscle groups once for each of 3 times a week - legs on Monday, Chest+shoulders+triceps on Wednesday, and back+biceps on Friday. There are so many ways to divide one's workout week but the best way most recommend is the push/pull/leg regimen I recommended earlier of doing legs on Monday, Chest+shoulders+triceps on Wednesday, and back+biceps on Friday.

However it doesnt matter which method you choose, because in the end of the day doing something is always better than doing nothing. Look im by no means a fitness expert and no means even interested in getting a girlfriend or partner, however at the very least I want to be in shape and despite starting out knowing nothing about exercise just by doing something, even pushups in my free time, I gained much more than just complaining im not getting results. You have to actually seriously, without looking for another excuse, try to do something you havent tried and do it with effort and guidance. I already recommended 2 fitness YouTubers and there are countless more you can look up, but you have to be willing to put in the work.

Im sounding harsh and tough Marknis because rather than being one of your detractors I want you to get a girlfriend, I want you to have a partner and to be happy because as harsh as I sound im actually one of your supporters who doesnt want to see you miserable and lonely.


Why are you pimping body building so hard? Is this a special interest by any chance? If someone is a psychological mess, being a better-toned psychological mess isn't very helpful. It's far better to make small adjustments in all areas of one's life than to obsess over one area and in the process ignore everything else.

And in fact I'd say kindness, intelligence and humour matter just as much as appearance, if not more. I know lots of friendly people in relationships who aren't "buff" in any way shape or form. Not all of them are even particularly extroverted, either. Doing the best you can and being happy with yourself for doing so, is as much as I'd ask of anyone, and it does "work" in terms of attracting the right person for you. Mainly because there's no fraud in it.

Being happy in yourself is what matters. So yeah, if Marknis knows he's not as fit as he would like (different to "not as fit as gym peer pressure would judge") then he should do something about it, but for his own confidence and happiness not anyone else's. Getting judgy about how he should or should not look is really unhelpful. Better to be a well-adjusted slacker than a stressed out roid head, if slacking's what you're good at.



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06 May 2021, 4:28 pm

Redd_Kross wrote:
Being happy in yourself is what matters. So yeah, if Marknis knows he's not as fit as he would like (different to "not as fit as gym peer pressure would judge") then he should do something about it, but for his own confidence and happiness not anyone else's. Getting judgy about how he should or should not look is really unhelpful. Better to be a well-adjusted slacker than a stressed out roid head, if slacking's what you're good at.


Body building checks a lot of relevant points. You are magnitudes or order less likely to be depressed if you are working out and paying attention to your nutrition. Not just because you'll look good (this is basically a side effect) but because your body in general is healthier and brain is part of your body. Yes, body building as pursuit of physical appearance at all costs has a potential to become unhealthy obsession, but in general it is a great tool to defeat depression.



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06 May 2021, 4:38 pm

Non-med technique:

DBT Distress Tolerance Skills: Your 6-Skill Guide to Navigate Emotional Crises


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06 May 2021, 4:40 pm

badRobot wrote:
Redd_Kross wrote:
Being happy in yourself is what matters. So yeah, if Marknis knows he's not as fit as he would like (different to "not as fit as gym peer pressure would judge") then he should do something about it, but for his own confidence and happiness not anyone else's. Getting judgy about how he should or should not look is really unhelpful. Better to be a well-adjusted slacker than a stressed out roid head, if slacking's what you're good at.


Body building checks a lot of relevant points. You are magnitudes or order less likely to be depressed if you are working out and paying attention to your nutrition. Not just because you'll look good (this is basically a side effect) but because your body in general is healthier and brain is part of your body. Yes, body building as pursuit of physical appearance at all costs has a potential to become unhealthy obsession, but in general it is a great tool to defeat depression.


Swimming, running, hiking etc. are all good for the mind as well as the body, too, though. What I'm saying here is, devote some time to being physically fitter if that's an area he's unhappy with, but do it for your own benefit. Same with eating healthily. And stress reduction tools like meditation. They're all useful but there needs to be a balance and it shouldn't be about impressing other people, just doing what's right for you. So that's an individual choice, isn't it? No point prioritizing gym membership if that's an impossible goal for social anxiety reasons, or indeed financial ones. It doesn't really matter provided you're making some progress whatever way you can. Just go for a walk instead, and spend time on your other issues too. Know thyself. I don't think the peer pressure from Salad is very healthy, and I'm wary of "blanket" solutions when people are oh so different.



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06 May 2021, 4:58 pm

What a Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Session Looks Like


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Redd_Kross
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06 May 2021, 5:05 pm

If all therapists looked like that I'm sure it would be a lot more popular :hail: :heart: :heart: :heart:



badRobot
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06 May 2021, 5:12 pm

Redd_Kross wrote:
badRobot wrote:
Redd_Kross wrote:
Being happy in yourself is what matters. So yeah, if Marknis knows he's not as fit as he would like (different to "not as fit as gym peer pressure would judge") then he should do something about it, but for his own confidence and happiness not anyone else's. Getting judgy about how he should or should not look is really unhelpful. Better to be a well-adjusted slacker than a stressed out roid head, if slacking's what you're good at.


Body building checks a lot of relevant points. You are magnitudes or order less likely to be depressed if you are working out and paying attention to your nutrition. Not just because you'll look good (this is basically a side effect) but because your body in general is healthier and brain is part of your body. Yes, body building as pursuit of physical appearance at all costs has a potential to become unhealthy obsession, but in general it is a great tool to defeat depression.


Swimming, running, hiking etc. are all good for the mind as well as the body, too, though. What I'm saying here is, devote some time to being physically fitter if that's an area he's unhappy with, but do it for your own benefit. Same with eating healthily. And stress reduction tools like meditation. They're all useful but there needs to be a balance and it shouldn't be about impressing other people, just doing what's right for you. So that's an individual choice, isn't it? No point prioritizing gym membership if that's an impossible goal for social anxiety reasons, or indeed financial ones. It doesn't really matter provided you're making some progress whatever way you can. Just go for a walk instead, and spend time on your other issues too. Know thyself. I don't think the peer pressure from Salad is very healthy, and I'm wary of "blanket" solutions when people are oh so different.


You are mostly right. But I believe true motivation is almost irrelevant here as long as activity is beneficial. If OP ends up picking up body building for "wrong" reasons, e.g. to impress others initially, it will still be tremendously beneficial just due to physiological effects giving him mental strength to make decision for himself later.



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06 May 2021, 5:51 pm

badRobot wrote:
You are mostly right. But I believe true motivation is almost irrelevant here as long as activity is beneficial. If OP ends up picking up body building for "wrong" reasons, e.g. to impress others initially, it will still be tremendously beneficial just due to physiological effects giving him mental strength to make decision for himself later.

I agree with you there, IF that's the way it works.

But not everyone can do that, and if this turns into peer pressure to do something that simply isn't realistic for the OP, that's potentially quite destructive.

"You can only be a worthy human being if you look like Johnny Bravo".

LOTS of evidence out there to prove that's BS. And in the meantime we're setting unrealistic goals for someone who is already having a hard time? Sorry that's not on. It'll just become another brick he can bash himself with.

Get out in the sun and the fresh air when you can, Marknis. Do some exercise that you enjoy. Eat healthily most of the time, but don't turn it into martyrdom. Take meds if they help, but if they don't then seek alternatives. Investigate therapy, and meditation, and other self-help mindfulness techniques. Take time to unwind doing things you enjoy - listening to music, for example.

All eggs in one basket is bad advice AND an awful lot of pressure. I know hardcore exercise works for some people but by definition that means it doesn't work for others.



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06 May 2021, 6:08 pm

Redd_Kross wrote:
All eggs in one basket is bad advice AND an awful lot of pressure. I know hardcore exercise works for some people but by definition that means it doesn't work for others.

I disagree about hardcore exercise. For evolutionary reasons we need high intensity physical activity to trigger release of hormones reducing stress, low intensity like relaxed walking just doesn't have this effect.