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SabbraCadabra
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07 May 2021, 12:10 am

Marknis wrote:
Some would tell me you have to do it every day, others said every other day.

I've always heard every other day, but like Salad said, you can work different muscles on different days, to give your other muscles time to recover.

I don't really have a lot to add that hasn't already been said by others, but I gained a decent amount of muscle in my teens just from lifting weights in gym class, and from walking all the time. Lifting heavy stuff at my job all the time built up a lot of muscle, too. I don't have shredded abs or anything, but I guess my legs and arms look okay?

Marknis wrote:
Some said bench pressing works, others said it doesn’t. Some said machines are the way to go, others said free weights are the way to go. Some said the elliptical was a good machine, others said it was a waste of time. I got confused beyond belief.

Just depends on which muscles you want to work out, really.
But like others have said, just doing exercise period helps release endorphins.
My trouble is working up the motivation to work out, but once I get there, I feel pretty good after.

Even a little bit of Wii Fit, or boxing on the Wii, or drumming in Guitar Hero/Rock Band is quite a workout for me.


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Marknis
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08 May 2021, 11:14 pm

This and like phrases I am told quite often in regards to my worries about not getting into a relationship and if it will ever happen again in my life. Others tell me the constant thinking about wanting a girlfriend I need to stop and turn my focus to other things but my mind just can’t wrap around that advice. How can I ever get a girlfriend if I don’t think about it? Not thinking about math will not help you pass a math test or course. Not training in martial arts will not make you actually learn them. My mind just doesn’t grasp the concept. Why is it I am being told to stop looking and turn my focus towards other things?



funeralxempire
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08 May 2021, 11:21 pm

Because part of what makes establishing a relationship possible is having your life in order well enough to actually participate in a relationship.

Fixating on a relationship as the only substantial priority tends to result in neglecting the parts of your life that are required to make a healthy relationship possible. Yes, there's people who are more f****d up than you or I who are in relationships, but do you actually want that relationship? Do you want to position your life to make those sorts of relationships viable? I don't believe so, so don't compare yourself to those people as though they're a model of success. They're not.

Think of what it would take to get to the point where you could have the sort of relationship that you'd like. Work towards that goal because having those things in order will make it more likely that any relationship you end up will be closer to what you what instead of one that's toxic in ways you're not well equipped to handle.

There's more to it than just that, seeming desperate never helps because it makes any prospects feel like you're just settling for them.


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kraftiekortie
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09 May 2021, 5:38 am

I stopped looking for a girlfriend in my early 20s. As a result, girls found me.

Desperation got me nowhere. It caused girls to run away from me in disgust.

It became like beating a dead horse.



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09 May 2021, 8:23 am

Yeah, I have to agree with the above responses on this.
If a guy comes on too strong or seems needy that can be turn-off.

Because relationships get complex and difficult, you get trouble if either partner is too dependent on the other for their happiness. It places too much pressure on the girl if, for example, she is afraid to express her own needs when they depart from yours for fear of jeopardising your mental stability.
So girls tend to be more attracted to guys with whom they can have some fun without any strings attached (at first).

I wouldn't tell you to stop looking for a girlfriend, but it does seem like you place too much expectation on a relationship to solve your problems. In my experience relationships bring a whole load of problems with them. Just different ones to those you have now.



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09 May 2021, 9:53 am

MrsPeel wrote:
Yeah, I have to agree with the above responses on this.
If a guy comes on too strong or seems needy that can be turn-off.

Because relationships get complex and difficult, you get trouble if either partner is too dependent on the other for their happiness. It places too much pressure on the girl if, for example, she is afraid to express her own needs when they depart from yours for fear of jeopardising your mental stability.
So girls tend to be more attracted to guys with whom they can have some fun without any strings attached (at first).

I wouldn't tell you to stop looking for a girlfriend, but it does seem like you place too much expectation on a relationship to solve your problems. In my experience relationships bring a whole load of problems with them. Just different ones to those you have now.


Bingo !

people can gauge how much it is effecting you . don't deny yourself happiness in other areas .. because you might regret it one day .

being in a relationship on a base level is a fraction of this game of life.

it is very true , coming across needy will have an adverse effect .



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09 May 2021, 10:21 am

MrsPeel wrote:
Yeah, I have to agree with the above responses on this.
If a guy comes on too strong or seems needy that can be turn-off.

Because relationships get complex and difficult, you get trouble if either partner is too dependent on the other for their happiness. It places too much pressure on the girl if, for example, she is afraid to express her own needs when they depart from yours for fear of jeopardising your mental stability.
So girls tend to be more attracted to guys with whom they can have some fun without any strings attached (at first).

I wouldn't tell you to stop looking for a girlfriend, but it does seem like you place too much expectation on a relationship to solve your problems. In my experience relationships bring a whole load of problems with them. Just different ones to those you have now.


Well, I think my mental stability would be better if I had a girlfriend so I wouldn’t be opposed to her expressing her own needs.



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09 May 2021, 1:58 pm

This is true. Many people find their partners in places where don't expect to. They go somewhere with mutual friends. Or the person is in the same apartment complex/school/job. Or they do some activity they enjoy for their own sake and stumble on the other person there.

The saying "you'll find someone when you're not looking" is true for a lot of people. But you still need to put yourself out there for that to be true. The odds of someone finding a partner are low if if they just spend 5+ hours a day on internet and video games.



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09 May 2021, 2:28 pm

Quote:
This is true. Many people find their partners in places where don't expect to. They go somewhere with mutual friends. Or the person is in the same apartment complex/school/job. Or they do some activity they enjoy for their own sake and stumble on the other person there.


I was getting depressed that I didn't have a boyfriend, so I decided to give up on looking. Then about a week later, I was traveling on the bus to do some shopping one morning, and I got asked out on a date by the driver that day! That driver is now my fiance (7 years later).


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Marknis
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09 May 2021, 2:36 pm

Minervx_2 wrote:
This is true. Many people find their partners in places where don't expect to. They go somewhere with mutual friends. Or the person is in the same apartment complex/school/job. Or they do some activity they enjoy for their own sake and stumble on the other person there.

The saying "you'll find someone when you're not looking" is true for a lot of people. But you still need to put yourself out there for that to be true. The odds of someone finding a partner are low if if they just spend 5+ hours a day on internet and video games.


I honestly leave the house nearly every day and I haven’t played a video game for months now.



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09 May 2021, 2:49 pm

I think desperation is what confused me in my 20s, dating a girl for 2 1/2 years despite the fact deep I was truly attracted to men. Then dating a couple of guys, who turned out not to be the best. I had to ask myself, "Do I really want a relationship?". After the last date I went on, at 28 I decided I was happy just being single. However, a part of me deeply would like someone but I just don't think I could handle a relationship.

Working 40-45 hours a week, taking care of a home, and a cat, seems small to some but it takes all my energy. I'm not sure I'm much help but the worst thing you can do is be desperate.


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badRobot
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09 May 2021, 3:12 pm

Marknis wrote:
Well, I think my mental stability would be better if I had a girlfriend so I wouldn’t be opposed to her expressing her own needs.


You can't be more wrong. You own happiness comes first. If you don't have a girlfriend when you are not happy you falsely believe this is the reason why you are not happy. If you would have a girlfriend, you would believe you are not happy because your girlfriend doesn't respect or understand you, or whatever and make her life miserable.

So yeah, this is the best advise: stop looking for a girlfriend and start looking for your own happiness to have something to share in relationship.



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09 May 2021, 8:49 pm

badRobot wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Well, I think my mental stability would be better if I had a girlfriend so I wouldn’t be opposed to her expressing her own needs.


You can't be more wrong. You own happiness comes first. If you don't have a girlfriend when you are not happy you falsely believe this is the reason why you are not happy. If you would have a girlfriend, you would believe you are not happy because your girlfriend doesn't respect or understand you, or whatever and make her life miserable.

So yeah, this is the best advise: stop looking for a girlfriend and start looking for your own happiness to have something to share in relationship.


Unfortunately Brother Marknis, I have to agree with this advice.

IMO, if you want to get away from your abusive mom, contact VR Services in Austin and tell whoever is assigned to work with you every single detail without repeating yourself.

If VR Services doesn't believe you, then f**k VR and try DD Services.


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Marknis
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09 May 2021, 9:06 pm

AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
badRobot wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Well, I think my mental stability would be better if I had a girlfriend so I wouldn’t be opposed to her expressing her own needs.


You can't be more wrong. You own happiness comes first. If you don't have a girlfriend when you are not happy you falsely believe this is the reason why you are not happy. If you would have a girlfriend, you would believe you are not happy because your girlfriend doesn't respect or understand you, or whatever and make her life miserable.

So yeah, this is the best advise: stop looking for a girlfriend and start looking for your own happiness to have something to share in relationship.


Unfortunately Brother Marknis, I have to agree with this advice.

IMO, if you want to get away from your abusive mom, contact VR Services in Austin and tell whoever is assigned to work with you every single detail without repeating yourself.

If VR Services doesn't believe you, then f**k VR and try DD Services.


I am not doing that.



SabbraCadabra
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10 May 2021, 2:23 am

I'm probably misquoting this, but you have to learn to live with yourself before you can live with someone else.
Girls aren't usually attracted to needy, depressed guys. They're attracted to confident guys who don't need someone else to be happy. (There are some girls, I'm sure, who are into "motherly" type relationships, but that is not healthy for either party.)

Long before my last girlfriend ever broke up with me, I told myself "This is it, no more girls. I'm just going to enjoy the single life, no chains to tie me down, etc. etc."
So when she did eventually break up with me, that's exactly what I did. Not in a "casual sex" kind of way or anything like that, just 100% enjoying being myself, by myself.

Then, about a year later, they always seem to find you when you aren't looking...just randomly happened to find a girl, and we hit it off really well, and now we're raising a child together. So I guess things are pretty serious.

Marknis wrote:
How can I ever get a girlfriend if I don’t think about it? Not thinking about math will not help you pass a math test or course.

Hoping to get a girlfriend by thinking about it is like hoping to learn to drive by thinking about cars.
In both cases, the only way to learn is by experience.
Obsessing over it is only going to make you more depressed.

But let me tell you from experience, even if you get a girlfriend, chances are it won't work out. I've literally lost count of the amount of girlfriends and friends-who-are-girls-but-not-quite-girlfriends that I've had...I'm pretty sure it's less than 20? But either way, each failure is just another learning experience of what NOT to do next time.

...and I still feel like I'm just learning... :oops:


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Marknis
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10 May 2021, 9:26 am

It’s not like I haven’t tried to gain experience. I’ve set up dating profiles, attended Meet Up events, attended two speed dating events in Austin, called a dating agency in Austin, forced myself to attend a church singles event, and asked out women for coffee. Dating sites/apps were 100% unproductive, Meet Up events were disappointing, same with the Austin speed dating, I was rejected by the agency for only being a part time worker, the church singles group was just another jock hangout, and I was either told by women “My boyfriend wouldn’t like that.” or “I am too busy.” so any potential experience was denied to me.