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SpottedMushroom
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11 May 2021, 7:13 am

AprilR wrote:
I also always wanted a family, a group i can belong to. Right now i have my parents and their friends near me but i am Wondering what will happen when they die.

I used to wish that i lived in a small commune where everyone knows each other and supports each other. Like in a small island monastery.(i am not even Christian lol)

I am thinking of joining the autism organizations in my country when my parents die. At least i would feel useful too that way.


That sort of commune life appeals to me also. It's always sounded nice to me.



AprilR
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11 May 2021, 7:26 am

I am so sorry, i really feel for you. I wish i had some magic solution but from what i understand empathy and understanding and communication between people even nt s is very very hard. Most people have less empathy and understanding for people they can't relate to. If they are similar, as in they have similar living conditions and similar problems they can understand and empathize each other. But as much as they like to act otherwise, they have less empathy for those that are different than them. They judge people other than them easily.
The key to having good relationships with others is, to me, knowing yourself well. Your good and bad points, and how much you can show and which ones you can hide. Being completely yourself is actually not a good idea for anyone.

I feel like some autistic people don't really understand themselves and therefore can't navigate relationships with other people. I feel like i too was this way and since then came a long way to understand myself and create a persona that i am comfortable in. I am sorry, i can't express my thoughts well on this subject and maybe it makes no sense to other people.

Anyway, i am here if you want to talk about this or anything else. And from how you express yourself you don't give me the impression of a selfish or rude person. You seem very caring of other people.



Jakki
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11 May 2021, 6:40 pm

have always thought alot about the things you describe . But had the concept of family abused in me quite severely from early on . Without understanding why. Agree with your idea of a Autist type commune . Or something similiar . Have nowadays avoiding trying to make personal contact and be content with associates in day to day stuff. and friends that are not too close. Am close to being reclusive . But trying to enjoy nature more . And taking each day , one at a time. but everyone seems to need to find their own way. i think.


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SpottedMushroom
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Location: Indiana, USA

12 May 2021, 7:39 am

AprilR wrote:
I am so sorry, i really feel for you. I wish i had some magic solution but from what i understand empathy and understanding and communication between people even nt s is very very hard. Most people have less empathy and understanding for people they can't relate to. If they are similar, as in they have similar living conditions and similar problems they can understand and empathize each other. But as much as they like to act otherwise, they have less empathy for those that are different than them. They judge people other than them easily.
The key to having good relationships with others is, to me, knowing yourself well. Your good and bad points, and how much you can show and which ones you can hide. Being completely yourself is actually not a good idea for anyone.

I feel like some autistic people don't really understand themselves and therefore can't navigate relationships with other people. I feel like i too was this way and since then came a long way to understand myself and create a persona that i am comfortable in. I am sorry, i can't express my thoughts well on this subject and maybe it makes no sense to other people.

Anyway, i am here if you want to talk about this or anything else. And from how you express yourself you don't give me the impression of a selfish or rude person. You seem very caring of other people.


Thank you, I think it makes sense. I have also noticed that nt people boast higher empathy, but actually lack it. It's not empathy if you can only support people that are very similar to you. You have a point in knowing oneself. I think I know myself well, but being surrounded by people who try to tell me who I am every day makes me doubt. I know that if I did hide many things about myself, I would get along with people better. But it makes me feel much worse about myself. I don't want to feel like I have to perform for everyone else, that I cannot be accepted as I am. I did that for many years, and it did not sustain relationships because with time people do see through it.

I'll shoot you a message sometime.



SpottedMushroom
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12 May 2021, 7:42 am

Jakki wrote:
have always thought alot about the things you describe . But had the concept of family abused in me quite severely from early on . Without understanding why. Agree with your idea of a Autist type commune . Or something similiar . Have nowadays avoiding trying to make personal contact and be content with associates in day to day stuff. and friends that are not too close. Am close to being reclusive . But trying to enjoy nature more . And taking each day , one at a time. but everyone seems to need to find their own way. i think.

I'm sorry you went through that. I can understand one day at a time, yes. And I think you're right that everyone has their own path. I'll send you a message sometime.