I feel like a terrible person and a disgrace to WP. Goodbye

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I'm actually American since I was born and raised here. I call myself Palestinian because thats my ethnicity and because given the efforts to expunge the Palestinian identity I only go out of my way to identify as Palestinian just to keep my people from being erased completely. Otherwise I dont really care about Palestine or their culture at all; if there was no issue of Palestinian identity being erased I wouldn't for the life of me identity with any Middle Eastern culture, since truthfully I dont fit in with most of them because of having Aspergers.

It messes you up is the short and long answer. It really messes you up. It causes you immense hatred and scorching rage towards those who ruined your life and fills you with obsessions of vengeance that consume you. I was strong enough to overcome that hatred from consuming me and making me hate all Jews only because I never could bring myself to hate an entire group because of the actions of a few bad apples when I knew how that felt like growing up in America post-9/11. However not everyone has that strength. Many of us who were victims of war react in different ways; some of the more enlightened among us use their shared suffering and pain to develop empathy with others since they realize what suffering and loss feel like and thus are able to connect better with others through shared suffering; others become more religious as a way to cope and even become more fundamentalist in their belief system under the belief that all of it is a test to purify one of sins and go to paradise; the saddest cases, and ive met some from this group, are those who are so broken by the war that their is no hope for living a decent life, they're suffering mental illness that is unfathomable especially when one of the byproducts of war is that healthcare infrastructure is depleted and destroyed so the requisite resources to address said pain are lacking, creating a feedback loop of hell and pain until joining a terrorist organization and becoming a suicide bomber is the only solace a person can have believing when they die they go straight to paradise blissfully

Some people become better people as a result of war, while others are driven by unbearable hatred for the other side and want to wreak as much as destruction as possible before going out to unleash that ball of hatred brewing inside. regardless which path survivors of war choose, benevolent enlightenment gained from the wisdom of suffering, or destructive hatred fueled by the pain war wrought, war is one of those things that never leaves one's psyche and forever follows someone even until death

the scars of war loom over its victims and can never be forgotten by those who've experienced it. for myself I regularly, even while having fun, see images of the carnage I witnessed in Palestine, and to this day certain innocent things like playing soccer I cant do because of memories of tanks rolling up in soccer fields while I was in Palestine. there's a reason why throughout my whole life in school I was given accommodations to not partake in soccer in gym class, and except for very few exceptions to this day I can never play or even watch soccer because of the bad memories associated with it

To be honest, salad, I don't think being on this forum is of great benefit for you or anyone willing to change their life for the better, take responsibility for their own wellbeing. You are kind of an ugly duckling here, your mindset of looking for solutions, being intentional and taking responsibility for your wellbeing is not encouraged here.

I wish you to find your true tribe, true happiness and forget this forum forever.

P.S. Do some research on MDMA-assisted therapy for PTSD and maybe try to find some legitimate way to participate. FWIK, this is very promising approach.

Actually there's a thread where 30-40 WP members encouraged and applauded salad for taking the initiative with his life.

Cool dude! all good

Salad, it's clear that you have a multitude of friends here on WP. Although very few of us have been through war trauma, most of us are misfits in some way, who have been through many difficulties and tough times. Being South African I've seen first hand the effects of blatant racism and petty apartheid. The people who suffered at that time haven't seen much improvement in their lives but are hardy and resilient. You've shown incredible resilience yourself and sharing your experiences is not only therapeutic for yourself, but helps us understand better as we are all parts of a whole. We learn from each other. We might get overcome by emotional outbursts at times but we move on. We are united by our neurodiversity and our humanity. I can understand your fear of finding and accepting happiness but you deserve to seek out whatever happiness life offers.

I wasn’t a “weightlifter,” per se. The most I could bench press was 140 lbs at my peak, though I could do 10 reps at 120 lbs. I just lifted weights for exercise.

Salad. There is something I want to say to you. Your girlfriend knows and she still loves you regardless.
She has seen you and watched you for ages and she sees through to the kindness of your heart.

The person whom you want to “save” has to work harder to save himself.

You can make all the effort in the world—but it will prove to be an exercise in futility if he doesn’t put in the work.

It would be ridiculous to blame yourself if a person doesn’t succeed because that person didn’t make an effort to supplement your efforts.

An ugly duckling welcomed with open arms (wings?) by all the other ugly ducklings here. Why do you think it's called Wrong Planet?

Salad, please stay. We know who you are; we see the goodness, and the yearning, and the struggles - and we recognise you as one of our own.
Allow us all to be your extended family.

I'm very glad to see that you've come back, at least briefly. I hope you'll stay.


Probably, most of us don't make very many personal friends here. But there are other Muslims and ex-Muslims who do occasionally post here, and there are always new members joining. So, if you've managed to make even one friend during the time you've been here, you'll probably make more friends later if you choose to stick around.

As for your "fiery and headstrong personality," that's between you and the moderators. As long as you're not violating any rules here, no problem. I haven't seen you say anything really nasty to anyone here.


You have a unique set of opinions that don't fit neatly into any of today's most popular political/ideological categories, but there's nothing wrong with that. You are also not the only such person here. There's nothing wrong with thinking for yourself rather than just fitting into one of the currently-popular ideologies.


This forum is intended to be a place for people who don't fit in anywhere else, as long as you can manage to stay within the forum's rules. Most of us probably don't fully "fit in" even here, either, because we are just too varied to "fit in" with anyone, even with each other. All we really have in common is that we are all weirdos, in one way or another, by mainstream standards.


Quite a few people here are not good at this, actually, for one reason or another. Many of us are "broken and messed up" in one way or another.


Maybe we should discuss how to maximize your chances of keeping your relationship with your fiancee?

For example, it might help for you to spend time learning how to be assertive without being aggressive. (See my collection of links to tutorials on assertiveness.)

Also, have you told your fiancee about your Asperger's diagnosis? (If not, feel free to ask us for feedback on a draft of a message to her about it, if you plan to write her a message about it in the near future.)

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 15 Jun 2021, 6:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

It might be interesting to note that Anna Freud, daughter of Sigmund, worked with children who were scarred by war—seeing the casualties of war, enduring the sights and sounds of bombs, etc.

You can work with people scarred by war as well. You don’t have to be a certified therapist. Just listen to what they say as a start. People need more than just therapists. They need friends as well.

Stay put, please

!	magz wrote:
	A few posts have been removed. Please, stay on topic and leave personal disagreements from other threads out of it.

I feel obligated, as someone who has been married for 21+ years, to suggest you might want to reconsider some of your viewpoints.

You and your fiancée both will bring emotional baggage and psychological scars to your marriage. Yes, it will be your job to protect her and help her--but it will also be her job to protect you and help you! You will be a team, allies, and it will help if you both use your strengths and let the other help you with your weaknesses. You can be stronger if you work as a team. So I think (my personal, nonbinding opinion) you should learn to share at least some of your emotional baggage with her. She's marrying it, whether she knows it or not, but knowing it could help her protect and help you.

For instance, even before I was diagnosed as an Aspie my bride knew I was not very good in social settings. She runs interference for me. In day-to-day social transactions she is usually our point of contact with other folk. Including with my family.

Note #1: American television? Personally, I think watching British comedies was better for me. Last of the Summer Wine, for instance, was 37 years of--mostly--just some guys hanging out together and talking--with humor.

Note #2: I also hope you stay on WP. Newlyweds have interesting experiences to share. I know my father was (and still is) very amused by my married life. (One time he was laughing so hard I was afraid he would hurt himself!)

I love British comedy (Ricky Gervais especially) but really, any comedy should be consumed on a frequent basis. I love it all. In old age I can say, I'd rather have a good laugh than an orgasm. (Can't really remember what that felt like, anyway.)

Salad, please look up my post in Members section called "The duty to be happy." Might give you a different perspective.