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Joe90
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19 Jun 2021, 6:51 am

I hate my brain wiring. My stupid thoughts that overwhelm my mind. Yes I feel normal empathy for other humans which is good, but added on top of that I feel extreme empathy for animals, insects and even objects and anything else you can think of. Seeing those adverts on the TV saying to donate money to suffering animals just overwhelms me with depression. I don't have the money to help, and if I did the adverts would still come on the TV. I feel like curling up in a ball and sobbing my heart out if I think of all the suffering in the world. I have to block it from my mind otherwise I'll go insane. Perhaps that's why most people do block these things out. It doesn't mean we don't care. We probably do it because we feel helpless and so blocking it out helps us to carry on instead of getting overwhelmed with empathy. There's only so much we can do, and we can't stop all the poor animals in labs being tested on and animals being slaughtered and thousands and millions of trees being destroyed each year...
I just can't cope with it. I could be rich and donate loads to all these animal charities but there will still be millions of animals suffering all over the world. I can't take it.

I got carried away then. I'm writing this post because I am feeling emotional right now. I had an argument with my boyfriend because we were chatting about things and he asked me something but as I began to answer his question he went "sshh" all of a sudden. I asked why and he said, "you talk too much." Um, but you just asked me a question (not a rhetorical question, an actual question that he was interested in hearing an answer to as part of our conversation we were having). I hate it when people sshh me. It seems to set off an adrenaline feeling, but not a good feeling.
That's another reason why I hate my brain wiring. Who else gets offended when someone says sshh to them? Who else dwells on it for the rest of the day, going over in their head the moment they were shushed and feeling angry and offended about it? It's not normal. I try to stop myself from being so upset by this, but I still can't stop the negative adrenaline rush.

Now that I'm triggered by something so ridiculous, I got emotional about everything else too, and now I'm venting about it here. I just want to be neurotypical so badly. I hate being autistic. I hate it. :cry:


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naturalplastic
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19 Jun 2021, 12:53 pm

Not sure if any of your points are symptoms of being "autistic".

I sympathizes with being sympathetic to animals in those commercials. I usually mute the TV set when I see those ads. Nothing per se wrong with animal charities, but not only do we all have limits on much money to give- we also have limits on how thought and emotion we can expend to even think about any charitable cause. So you have to set boundaries with TV messages just you have to set boundaries with people.

Shooshing a person while theyre answering a question you asked IS rude.

But there maybe some deeper communication issue the two of you are having.



lostproperty
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19 Jun 2021, 2:21 pm

Most charities are a racket, or well on the way to becoming one, and I think it's a disgrace that they are allowed to get away with the kind of psychological manipulation that they do to extract money from people. Why aren't they appealing for members of the public to give up some of their time to help raise awareness and to encourage others to boycott, lobby etc. or to offer practical help? That would surely be more productive than a large number of people simply chucking money at a very small number of people who can only do so much whilst naturally being tempted to take a percentage of the money for themselves. Corruption is inevitable.



Joe90
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19 Jun 2021, 6:07 pm

Quote:
But there maybe some deeper communication issue the two of you are having.


Not really. I just don't like being sshh'd. I have told him this but because it's so abnormal for a person to feel cringy at "sshh" I guess he'll forget - which I understand, because like I said it's not normal to be upset by that. But at the same time I can't help it. I've always disliked the sound of "sshh" since I was a child. Even when people go "sshh" in movies or videos or even to other people I feel all cringy. Like once when I was watching a YouTube video of a 4-year-old meeting her new baby sister for the first time, she excitedly shouted, "it's a new baby sister!" near the baby and I heard the mum go "sshh" in the background and I cringed like anything like it was said to me.

Sometimes I feel like my emotions come from the heart and not the brain. I feel emotions intensely and I cannot consciously control them with logic.

One time when I used to work in a small store a customer yelled at me and I wanted to cry. I told myself not to cry and that this customer was just mean and stubborn and that I shouldn't take it personally, and then I took a few deep breaths and tried pushing it out of my mind. But the tears still started to leak from my eyes and it was becoming too much effort not to cry, so I just had to and I didn't feel better until after having a little cry. And that happens all the time with me, which can get embarrassing (hence why I don't work with the public any more).


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Shadow1888
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19 Jun 2021, 6:26 pm

I am the same, funny enough i used to feel bad for putting a crisps packet in the bin lol. I find it strange now how i held such a attachment to random things. Tbh i struggle to block anything out its like i am tormenting myself but i am not in control.

But your not alone i to hate being autistic and most days think of giving up but i don't cause i'm to afraid but also afraid to keep going through the same torment day in day out.

This may have not helped as i'm most likely rambling as my brain is going 100mph right now but i can relate. Hang in there.



Joe90
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19 Jun 2021, 6:32 pm

Shadow1888 wrote:
I am the same, funny enough i used to feel bad for putting a crisps packet in the bin lol. I find it strange now how i held such a attachment to random things. Tbh i struggle to block anything out its like i am tormenting myself but i am not in control.

But your not alone i to hate being autistic and most days think of giving up but i don't cause i'm to afraid but also afraid to keep going through the same torment day in day out.

This may have not helped as i'm most likely rambling as my brain is going 100mph right now but i can relate. Hang in there.


It's nice that someone feels the same way. I don't get why some people like being autistic.

I don't hate myself like I used to, and I have improved greatly since my mid-20s (both socially, emotionally and maturity-wise). But my AS will never go away no matter how much I hope or wish it would.

I think something someone said in another thread here has really depressed me about autism. They didn't intend to make anyone feel this way at all, and what they said was true and was not offensive in any way, but it just hit home and I hate my brain for this.


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Shadow1888
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19 Jun 2021, 6:43 pm

I wouldnt say people liking it is wrong they just deal with it i guess. Just i cant accept it. It holds me back from doing anything. i feel trapped in a mind that isnt mine. For example i cant relate to myself at all. I dont know who i am because of autism i feel alone in every aspect of life.

But look i get how you feel and knowing i go through the same somehow shows you that your not alone.



Joe90
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23 Jun 2021, 8:54 pm

I know this thing about being sshh'd is making me a hateful person to be around. Is that part of Asperger's, hating certain things being said to you that aren't supposed to be considered offensive?

He sshh'd me again tonight. I forgot myself, I just asked him a question as he was getting into bed (something I needed to know), and he answered then said "I don't want to talk all night." So I said "OK, we won't, I just wanted to know, that's all." And then he went "sssshhhhh..." AGGHHH!! ! It's just so painfully cringing!! So I nudged him with my foot and yelled at him not to keep sshh sshh sshh all the time, so he yelled back. Then I felt guilty for nudging him and yelling over something so ridiculous but I didn't want to say sorry because then he'll accuse me of talking again.


This is why I hate my brain. Shall I have a lobotomy? Take away the part of my brain that releases the adrenaline that makes me cringe and get offended and upset at such stupid things?


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BeaArthur
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23 Jun 2021, 9:04 pm

I think you'll find they don't do lobotomies any more.


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KimD
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23 Jun 2021, 10:39 pm

lostproperty wrote:
Most charities are a racket, or well on the way to becoming one, and I think it's a disgrace that they are allowed to get away with the kind of psychological manipulation that they do to extract money from people. Why aren't they appealing for members of the public to give up some of their time to help raise awareness and to encourage others to boycott, lobby etc. or to offer practical help? That would surely be more productive than a large number of people simply chucking money at a very small number of people who can only do so much whilst naturally being tempted to take a percentage of the money for themselves. Corruption is inevitable.



Wherever money (or power) goes, greed and exploitation will follow. It's inevitable. Because of that, at least in the U.S., a lot of charities are watched and rated based on their reliability and transparency.

As for how people give, consider this: a lot of people calling for a boycott, gathering for a march, or organizing petitions, letters, tweets, and calls are also happy to take a financial donation if you're up to it., but not a single one of them will say, "You can't add your name until you pay up." On the flip side, every big charity I can think of off the top of my head is also interested in volunteers, when appropriate. The bulk of the work might require special training (like crisis counselors) or unusual commitments (like being available at the drop of a hat), and so on. In those cases, the best way to serve an organization's mission may very well be gathering funds to actually hire some professionals, either part-time or full, and pay for whatever equipment or goods (like food, lumber, etc.) they might need.

Personally, I've worked on different levels with various charities, and I can see where money is more useful than individuals, and vice-versa--but really, the organizers are putting all their resources together.



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23 Jun 2021, 11:11 pm

One gripe I have about charitable donations is they keep hounding you afterward. I sometimes think the entire amount of my donation is used up in mailings with sob stories why I need to give that same amount every month, when in fact it was all I could afford for the year. It makes it unsatisfying to help out.


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KimD
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23 Jun 2021, 11:40 pm

:D Bea, sad but true. I'm overdue for several "stop mailing me dead trees" calls at the moment. I do LOVE the 2022 calendar we got today, though!