HeroOfHyrule wrote:
I've been feeling more and more like s**t lately. Every time my mom gets mad at other people she takes it out on me, and if I can't meet her emotional needs (listening to her rant and cry about others she hates all the time, to the point I can't get even basic household and self care things done) she gets aggressive with me.
Ugh.... Meeting her emotional needs in such a way really shouldn't be your responsibility, in the first place (although it
is reasonable for her to expect you to take on
iother responsibilities, such as going job-hunting and doing your share of household chores).
Did she also expect you to support her emotionally when you were younger? If so, are you familiar with the concept of "emotional parentification"? (To any readers who haven't heard this term before: "parentification" means putting a child in the role of parent, and is generally considered unhealthy, at least when done to excess.)
HeroOfHyrule wrote:
I missed a doctor's appointment to talk about my mental health because she psycho'd out on me and started getting physically aggressive with me the night before and the morning of it. I actually didn't cancel it though, and had left since I was legitimately scared she was going to try to beat the s**t out of me (she's gotten into fights with my dad and other siblings before), and decided to walk all the way there, but missed the appointment because it took too long to walk there by the time I left.
After that when I eventually came back home, I heard her telling people on the phone that I'm an abusive narcissist because I can't handle her doing this s**t to me, and her trying to get me into actual trouble with others (she said I yelled at her and was aggressive that entire time which is actually what she did to me, she was just trying to cover her own ass and trying to have me get into trouble so no one believes me if I tell anyone about it).
What kind of "people" was she talking to, as far as you could tell? Just friends, or people in any kind of professional role?
If friends, then she evidently
has friends who can serve in the role of shoulder-to-cry-on. So she doesn't really need
you for that purpose.
HeroOfHyrule wrote:
She also thinks it's fine to compare me to my dad and his family whenever she's mad at me, and assert that her other three kids (my half siblings besides for my fully related, also autistic brother) act completely fine (despite the fact they're also called narcissists behind their backs and I have to listen to her s**t talk them all the time),
Ugh .... she really shouldn't be s**t-talking any of her children to each other.
HeroOfHyrule wrote:
and that there's something genetically and neurologically wrong with me that makes me an "evil abuser".
I'm honestly suicidal (again, I know) because I'm tired of dealing with this s**t and I don't have anywhere to go, since I have no sane family members or any IRL friends. I was going to leave permanently when I left when she was getting physically aggressive with me, but the doctors office wasn't helpful at all when I did talk to them in person and I didn't know where to go or what to do. I'm genuinely worried she's going to severely harm me one day to put me in my place and no one seems to take me seriously.
Yikes!
Is there any local crisis hotline you can call? (Dunno how useful they would actually be; such hotlines probably vary greatly in how useful they are.)
Here in the U.S.A. at least, I suspect that perhaps a LGBTQ+ hotline might be more useful than a more general one. A few such hotlines are listed
here,
here, and
here.
My parents have always had me support them emotionally and have always tried to make me a mediator in their personal issues. I also do most of the house work for my mom. She has health issues, but she can do some things and gets angry if I don't do them for her. I've heard of parentification before and I think that's part of what's going on, especially since my mom has always commented on how much of an "adult" I am (AKA I had to mature and take on a lot of responsibility relatively young) and "how much like her parents I am".
She also tells friends, therapists, counselors, etc. this stuff when she's angry at me. Anyone she talks to then. She could vent to her friends or my much older (30-40 year old) siblings, but she always says she doesn't want to involve them and stress them out.
And thank you for the lists of hotlines, I really appreciate it and I'll try to use one of those.
29 Jul 2021, 7:17 am
