Just need to process this

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I have an Mri scan coming up this week. I had one a few weeks ago and it showed a tumour on my nerve sheath on my spinal cord.

It was a bit of a shock to hear the word tumour in relation to my scan but after that I was fine and I sort of forgot about it and got on with my life. I'm fine and healthy. I'm eating well and I've not lost weight. I can still cycle and I've just been on holiday too and I do feel good so on that side of things I do feel strong.

But I have another MRI coming up this week and they're going to put a dye inside me and it will show the tumour up more so they can measure it and stuff to see what's going on more.

This is making it feel more real for me that I have actually got this thing inside me. It's just a bit of a worry now. I'm still feeling healthy so that's a positive thing that I'm holding on to.

I'm not really looking for sympathy with this thread. I'm just trying to process what's going on. Because I'm limited as to who I can verbally speak to.

I wish you all well anyway.

Sending hugs to you babybird! I hope this next MRI gives you a better idea of what's going on. Not knowing is the hardest part. Have you had an MRI with contrast before? It's the same procedure except that they'll give you an IV to administer the contrast stuff. It will feel warm like a rush going through you. Mine usually seems to settle in my lady bits (lol) so it's kind of a funny feeling.

I wish you the best and I'll be sending positive vibes.

Please keep us updated if you'd like to talk more about it.

Well it's the iv thing I'm most worried about. I'm not keen on feeling weird in any way. The last mri gave me a blood spot on my eye as well. I just need to relax really and take it easy.

Thank you for the positive vibes Isabella.

I'm having my blood test done tomorrow and the scan is on Wednesday.

Had my bloods done today. Nurse told me that it's for kidney function.

Most importantly I spoke to my daughter about it. I did tell her a few weeks ago that they found something on the nerve and it needed further investigation but I sort of left it at that.

It's hard because I don't want her to worry about me but then it's also selfish to not talk to her about it because to her it probably feels like I'm shutting her out. This was not my intention but I just wanted her to get on with doing her own stuff like finding a job etc. I thought that if she thought I was poorly then that would take over her life and that's not what I wanted for her.

I've reassured her today that I'm not poorly but there is something that needs to be looked at. She's coming to the scan with me anyway so that's good and we're going to face what ever comes together.

I have a really hard time saying the word "tumour" to her. I just think that if I say the word "tumour" she'll hear the word "cancer" and that's just not helpful.

I'm hoping for the best possible result for you.

I had successful surgery for prostate cancer recently. I am cured.

My mother is going to have noninvasive surgery for lung cancer next week. She got lucky in that it was Stage 1.

Glad you got through it Kraftiekortie.

Hope your mother gets through it OK as well.

Thank you for your well wishes.

I'm hoping the news is good and you remain well. Take good care!

Aw thanks man that means a lot.

I'm actually OK really. It's weird because I always wondered how I'd react to hearing news that I have a tumour. I always saw on TV that people kind of hear the word tumour and then nothing else. Well that's exactly what happened. She rattled off about a dozen other things that are wrong with my spinal cord but I didn't hear a word of it.

I've kind of logicalised it since then and put it into a bit of perspective.

I am well
I have a really good appetite
I've not lost weight
My mental health is as good as can be expected
I'm staying positive
I'm getting plenty of fresh air
I'm exercising every day (cycling and rowing and cross training)

I don't know what kind of tumour it is as yet but from my own research there is about 85-90% chance it will be benign so that is something to cling on to.

I'm more worried about the procedures than the actual diagnosis. But I'm just gonna take it step by step a bit at a time.

Thanks for letting me go on like this it is helping me to make sense of it all.

Lets hope it is a false reading and that all is clear and good.

You're all so lovely. Thank you MG.

All being well ill be able to celebrate the all clear in a couple of weeks time. Or hopefully even sooner.

If things don't go to plan then it's just another fight to fight. I'm not scared.

I hope you receive the results soon.

Hi babybird,

Just checking in to see how you’re feeling now after the scan. I’m glad you were able to talk to your daughter and that she was planning to join you on Wednesday for support.

I hope you’re able to rest up and relax through the weekend with lots of TLC.

AW thank you for thinking of me.

The scan went OK. I was more nervous about the contrast stuff than anything else because I think I have some kind of phobia of having things/chemicals put inside me.

I explained all this to the staff and they was really considerate. The scan itself went fine. I just lay there counting. It was the only way I could get my breathing right without hyperventilating.

I asked him if he got some good pictures and he said that he did.

Just waiting to hear about the results now.

I'm thinking that the longer I wait the better but that might not be how it works.

Yeah I'm just waiting now. I think the next step will probably be a chat with the specialist so he'll talk me through what they can do for me.

I know I have a tumour so it'll be a case of telling me the seriousness of it and how to treat it.

Thank you for you concern.

I'll try and keep you updated as much as possible.

I sure hope it’s good news.The not knowing is one of the worst feelings there is.

Thank you Misslizard. Its good to get well wishes.

I think my daughter is having a harder time not knowing than me.

I'm surprised at how calm I'm being with it all. The only part that I find stressful is the thought of having to have treatment. I'm sort of OK with the tumour being in there. I have a feeling it's been in there for years because there have been instances where I've woke up in the night with really bad pain and I now realise that the pain is close to the site where the tumour is. It must be where its been catching on a nerve.

It'll be interesting to know exactly what it is though and I would like to see it at some point but I don't think I'm ready for that just yet (I'm a bit squeamish).

It'll also be interesting to know if it is the tumour that is causing me all these other weird pains and spasms in my back and also the mysterious limp I have developed as well.

It is just a case of waiting though. I'm seeing it as just another part of my life. Another challenge for me.