Why won't my mother in law just DIE already?

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but leaving your husband in the wind like that!?! I’m sure OP would have much more room for sympathy if he wasn’t forced into loneliness. You except him to just hide his feelings?

It IS possible to feel bad for him AND his wife/MIL, y’know?

I know this sounds heartless (and this is the haven) but he needs to "man-up", When the priest says "do you take this woman for better or worse" and the OP said "I do" then this is one of the latter that he agreed to stand by his wife in front of witnesses at his wedding,

I think we’re all in agreement that the MIL having cancer sucks, but that’s not the main thing OP wants to talk about. Anyone should be able to see why he’s having a hard time and he has the right to divorce her if they are in disagreement on how the whole thing should’ve been handled. You all berating him only makes it worse.

OK apologies if I came across judgemental but....I can't even dream of throwing divorce papers that to my wife if she wanted to spend time with her dying mother ??

But his feelings don't exist in a bubble where his mother-in-law isn't sick, it's a factor.

Someone suggested phoning his wife everyday to maintain contact. That's an excellent idea.

Maybe he can tell her about new meals he's cooking that she can enjoy when she's finally home. He can plan some nice things to do together when she's back home.

He could plan to go over and see her and take her out for lunch or something near her mother's house she's not on another planet or another country, it's within driving distance.

I get the sensory issues with the dog, so he doesn't like spending time inside the house with the dog and the smells it makes. He could cook a dinner and drop it off for his wife and the mother. That would be especially appreciated due to her having no stove in this house.

There's ways to stay connected through a difficult situation.

He's choosing to be abandoned of he's not making steps to keep communication lines open and positive.

Moaning about the wear and tear on the car too. A car is a tool to help you live a better life not a precious kitten that needs to be pampered. Use it to improve this situation.

Okay, I get that you don't like your parents but your parents aren't HER parents. This post honestly made me angry! Instead of thinking of your wife and the all the things she is going through you are thinking about the money, what you can do with it, and the fact that you will be able to get rid of the dog after your MIL dies. You mean to tell me you can't stay without your wife for a few months? When you made your vows upon marriage I guess the "Through sickness and health" part just went through one ear and out the other. I am rooting for your MIL recovery and hopefully a return to her normal life. For you... I don't even have words.

I think the dude needs to swallow a reality pill. Yes this is the haven and no we aren't going to be judgemental. All I can suggest he tries an exercise in empathy and try and put himself in his wife's shoes coping with her mother's cancer.

Wow. Holy s**t. I had no idea that my post would stir the pot to the point that it over-boils onto the floor. A couple of responses to things ive seen here:

Divorce. Oh my god. no. just no. That was never on the table. it wasn't even in the pile of things to bring to the table. just no.

as to putting wear and tear on the car: its our only vehicle, it costs $500 per month at 25.8% interest and we have no extra savings to fix it if it were to ever need a repair. We live paycheck to paycheck with absolutely no room for any unexpected events. So I try to take care of my car so that it never needs a repair. To give you an idea of how tight money is: I had to use the 1,000 dollars my parents gave us for Christmas to buy brakes and new tires. Hopefully the new brake pads will last a full year, because its going to be until next christmas before I can replace them again. This section is too long. long story short - I try not to make extra trips because I can't afford car maintenance.

talking on the phone is nice and we do it, but its just not the same as having her here with me. ive even tried having my best friend over and cuddling him. that didnt make me feel like she was here either. in fact it felt quite awkward.

I started this thread to vent and it seems from some people im getting judgment. I can't imagine what its like for my wife going thru this because I dont share a loving relationship with my parents. My dad used to hit me when I was a teenager, he used to ground me, take property away from me, take keys to a car that ws in my name, he seemed to think he could control my life even though I was financially supporting myself, except for housing and utilities. when I wouldn't "listen" he would hit me, choke me, threaten to destroy things, actually destroy things, steal things, attempt to keep me from leaving the house, he was an abusive horrible man and my mother let him do it. this section is too long. point is, I cant imagine loving my parents because mine weren't worthy of love. id be happy to see my father die and indifferent if my mom did.

but most importantly is the commentary that I should "man up". In case anybody's missed it, I was diagnosed with Asperger's 18-ish years ago. Emotionally, mentally, things are more difficult for me thats why its called a disability. So, I think I get a pass in that regard. If a wheelchair-bound person approached a large set of stairs, and the only other way was a handicap ramp that was rather steep and he was having trouble overcoming the grade of the ramp, you wouldn't tell him to man up, no. you'd push his chair up the ramp for him. Im just looking for some empathy here. for people to understand this sucks for me to

You're getting judgement instead of empathy because you wished death upon an extended family member - your mother in law, your wife's mother. Your wife is the one about to lose her mother, there's likely some empathy that should be felt for her. Your temporary inconvenience while your wife is with her dying mother is rather outweighed by the fact that your wife's mother is dying. You'll survive and so will your marriage. Just be patient and try not to appear too happy about your wife's mother dying after she does pass or your wife is likely going to be quite upset with you.

I don't usually like to make judgements against people and I did understand your side too, but I have a mother who died from cancer and if I knew my boyfriend was wishing she would die so that he doesn't feel lonely then I would feel pretty upset with him.

But we've already established in this thread why you were harsh and we have come to an understanding.

But cancer and dying is a big deal to most people, and having ASD doesn't necessarily prevent one from feeling empathy. So you might have to expect a few people reacting to your OP, not because we're lacking sympathy but because of this being a person suffering with cancer you're talking about.

I understand what you mean by speaking on the phone isn't the same as having someone physically there with you. I felt like that when the country was in lockdown - when my mum was ill. I spoke to her on the phone but when she got too weak to talk all I wanted to do was be with her, but due to strict covid restrictions I wasn't allowed (also I didn't want to pass any viruses or anything on to her). But she's gone now, and thanks to China that's a whole year I will never get back.